2016年10月浙江新高考英语读后续写点评和范文
2016-10-26 15:37阅读：
原创 2016-10-26
黄晓辉
之荒野冒险
读后续写，阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。
One weekend in July, Jane and herhusband, Tom,
had driven three hours to camp overnight by a lakein the
forest. Unfortunately, on the way an unpleasant subject came up and
theystarted to quarrel. By the time they reached the lake, Jane was
so angry thatshe said to Tom, “I’m going to find a better spot for
us to camp” and walkedaway.
With no path to follow, Jane just walked onfor quite a long
time. After she had climbed to a high place, she
turnedaround, hoping to see the lake. To her surprise, she saw
nothing but forestand, far beyond, a snowcapped mountain top. She
suddenly realized that she waslost.
“Tom!” she cried. “Help!”
No reply. If only she had not left her mobilephone in that
bag with
Tom. Jane kept moving, but the farther she walked, themore confused
she became. As night was beginning to fall, Jane was so tiredthat
she had to stop for the night. Lying awake in the dark, Jane wanted
verymuch to be with Tom and her family. She wanted to hold him and
tell him howmuch she loved him.
Jane rose at the break of day, hungry andthirsty. She could
hear water trickling (滴落)somewhere at
a distance. Quickly she followed the sound to a
stream.To her great joy, she also saw some berry
bushes. She drank and ate afew berries. Never in her life had she
tasted anything better. Feeling strongernow, Jane began to walk
along the stream and hope it would lead her to
thelake.
As she picked her way carefully along thestream, Jane heard a
helicopter. Is that for me? Unfortunately, thetrees made it
impossible for people to see her from above. A few minutes
later,another helicopter flew overhead. Jane took off her yellow
blouse,thinking that she should go to an open area and flag
them if they came backagain.
注意：
1.
所续写短文的词数应为150左右；
2.
应使用5个以上短文中标有下划线的关键词语；
3. 续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好；
4. 续写完成后，请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语。
Paragraph1:
But no more helicopter came and it wasgetting dark
again.____________
Paragraph2:
It was daybreak when Jane woke up.
_________________________
(356words)
步 骤 1
概括已知信息：标明核心词、核心句，梳理语篇内容的推进方向。
Jane and her husband, Tom,…driven
threehours to camp…a lake in the forest….quarrel…
walked away…lost…stopfor the night…rose at the break of
day…to a stream…drank and ate a fewberries…hope it would
lead her to the lake…heard a helicopter…Unfortunately,the
trees made it impossible for people to see her…A few minutes later,
anotherhelicopter…yellow blouse…
汉语：驱车野营生嫌隙，迷失山林心焚急；
挨饿恐惧度长夜，两架飞机失机会。
步 骤 2
按人物、环境、情节动词等分类划线词：
Kinds
|
Underlined key words and
phrases
|
Character
|
Jane, Tom,
|
Action
|
walked, climbed
|
Place
|
lake, stream,
|
Concrete Things
|
Helicopter, yellow blouse,
|
Abstract
|
To her great joy, at a
distance
|
步 骤 3
紧扣语境构思情节。分析：
1.
据第一段开头DARK可知，又要在荒野再过一晚。环境描写。大量心理活动，后悔？想念？期待？坚持？夜里有没有遇到蛇、老虎、狮子？
2. 据第二段开头WOKE
UP可知，第一段应有JANE入睡的情节。
3.
第二段情节可能：醒来看到TOM；OR醒来在医院；OR贵人相助OR直升机救援；OR独自找到湖。
情节1（搭建本段空白处前后桥梁）
dark again. -Jane
tired,hungry---frightened---thought to herself---if only---miss
Tom—tomorrowguide the helicopter---lie beside the
stream---tigers---hold herbreath—quiet—slept
情节2
Itwas daybreak when Jane woke up. --ate berries and drank
some water---catchsight of a fisherman at a
distance---climbed to an open areatogether---- To her
great joy---helicopter—yellow
blouse--rescuers---thewarmest hug---smile satisfied
smiles
步 骤 4
初稿
(分析原文写作风格，特殊语法结构有时间状语从句，结果状语从句，条件状语从句，宾语从句，DOING,直接引语，虚拟语气，倒装，疑问句，感叹句，介词短语等)
But no more helicopter came and it wasgetting dark
again. Jane was so tired and hungry that
shedidn’t have any power at all. What’s worse, she was extremely
frightened. She thoughtto herself, “If only I had not quarrelled
with Tom. Where is Tom? He must havemade the emergency call. What I
need is enough courage. If I continue myspirits tomorrow, I will be
likely to guide the helicopter.” Lyingbeside the
stream, she fell asleeep very soon. Suddenly, she was
wokenup by the wild shouts of several tigers, which made her scared
to death. Aftershe held her breath for a few minutes, gradually
everything was quiet again. Inthe terrible darkness, she slept
again.
It was daybreak when Jane woke up. She
caughtsight of a fisherman at a distance. Walking nearer,
she told him thewhole story. Together, they climbed to an
open area. To her great joy,a helicopter flew overhead just
at that moment. The fisherman helped her flagher yellow blouse
wildly. This did catch the helicopter’s attention! Jane wasrescued.
Bursting into tears, she told Tom that she missed him so much.
Neverwould she do such a foolish thing. Tom gave her the warmest
and longest hug shehad ever received. People around smiled
satisfied smiles.
除使用原文已有从句等复杂语法结构外，还使用主语从句，定语从句等复杂语法结构。
步 骤 5
核查字数、下划线标明原文给出的5个以上关键词语、连接词、标点、语法。
可能能版本(201
words)删词，尽量不减少特殊语法结构。
But no more helicopter came and it wasgetting dark
again. Jane was so tired, hungry,
andextremely frightened. She thought to herself, “If only I had not
quarrelledwith Tom. Where is Tom? He must have made the
emergency call. What Ineed is enough courage. If I continue my
spirits tomorrow, I will be likely toguide the helicopter.”
Lying beside the stream, she fell asleeepvery soon.
Suddenly, she heard the shouts of tigers, which made her scared
todeath. After she held her breath for a few minutes, everything
was quiet again.In the terrible darkness, she slept again.
It was daybreak when Jane woke up. She
caughtsight of a fisherman at a distance, with whose help
she climbedto an open area. To her great joy, a
helicopter flew overhead just atthat moment. The fisherman helped
flag her yellow blouse wildly. Thisdid catch the rescuers’
attention! Jane was rescued. Seeing Tom, she told him howmuch she
missed him. Never would they be away from each other. Tom gave her
thewarmest and longest hug she had ever received. People around
smiled satisfiedsmiles. 174 words
富阳区实验中学高三（6）班学生项琪考后重写版本（砍柴老人，湖泊，直升机
）
Butno more helicopter came and it was getting dark again. The
temperture got lowerat night than in the daytime. Jane put
on her yellow blouse. At thatmoment, tiredness surrounded her. She
felt exhausted both physically andemotionally. But she continued
walking forward because she really wantedto meet Tom
as soon as possible. She walked slowly and carefully indarkness.
Following the stream for about two hours, Jane
couldn’tsupport her physical strength, so she found a flat ground
to spend the long andhard night.
Itwas daybreak when Jane woke up. She felt hungry and tired.
After a shortadjustment, she began the hard trip. A few hours
later, she caught sight of anold man cutting woods. To her great
joy, the old man, who was veryfamiliar with the geographical
characteristics, informed her of the way to the lake.Seeing
the lake meant seeing hope in the air. Fortunately, a
helicopterflew overhead just at that moment. Jane flagged
her yellow blousewildly. This time, the helicopter found her
and took her to her husband. Theygave each other the warmest hug
they had ever received.
(170 words)
