症的晚期，哪怕你知道你明天即将离开，你会如何去面对你的生命呢？你会做怎样的选择呢？
有人说，一个人选择死亡的态度，就象一个人如何选择生活一样。所以当你在疾病缠身时，如何面对你的生活，就是你对生命的态度的最真实的写照。
千言成语胜不过当你在最绝望时，你选择怎样的态度来过好每一天。
这是4月16日收到ERNIE发来的定期日志。我经过ERNIE本人的同意，可以将定期日志的内容翻译成中文，放在我的博客上。也希望你们把ERNIE这种在癌症晚期的阶段，高品质地生活，慷慨，自我学习与探索，关爱他人，分享自己的精神，以及对生命的重新认识，最大可能活出人性美丽的品质，传播给那些癌症患者们，与病魔斗争的人们，那些对生命失去希望的人，看到生命其实有许多的可能性。。。
其实幸运的我们，拥有的真的很多很多。感恩。。。。
（乎栖）
亲爱的朋友和家人：
考虑到这些天我们的生活中充满了这么多的“改变”和“未知”，现实是如此的坚持，一次又一次地挑战着我需要将自己前所未有的带入到此时此地，这太让我感到吃惊了。对我来说，核磁共振的过程已经体现出这点。在一个相对简短的时间里，我可以发现自己在平静，期待，好奇，焦虑和兴奋的情绪洪流中。
4月5日，星期五是我按排在纳奈莫（加拿大西南部港市）获取对我脑部肿瘤的近况检查，也是对我连续7周每天接受做化疗的反应（或者不是）。做核磁共振的过程，正如它本身的简单，清晰和简要一样，我发现自己是一种熟悉的无法回答…“这次的检查会怎么样呢？”。同时我想要知道，也不想知道自从我的上次检查，事情进展如何，它们现在的状况在哪里。
你们中一些人可能知道，核磁共振的过程是相当简单的。简短的准备后，我在检查室，在桌子上，一动也不动。
大概十五分钟后，一个巨大的强有力的磁力驱动的机器就拍照，看起来象内在的身体的一块切片的拍照。
我听到门关上，技术人员离开了，只有我静静地安定在那里。然后我一个人，一种独立的平静，就只有自己。同时相之矛盾的是，有另外一个核心的觉察更加靠近我。我在关系里。是的，我是单独的，只有一个人在这个屋子里。同时我的感觉知道有凯西，知道她在哪里。身体感知的我，我的静止，另外一个屋子里有技术师在场，正引导我进行我的旅程。
在那些时刻，当我生动地觉知到我是单独的，我在关系里，我发现了一种清晰和丰富。正如“单独”与“和她人”将新的光芒照到对方。我通过单独正在更多学习关系，通过关系更多学习单独。
![[转载]恩典与勇气：一个癌症患者（ERNIE导师）的定期日志的真实故事](http://s9.sinaimg.cn/bmiddle/4c65c449gdaa3dccc30e8&690 "[转载]恩典与勇气：一个癌症患者（ERNIE导师）的定期日志的真实故事")
ERNIE 和 CATHY
（厄尼和凯西）
我的核磁共振之后再一次跟随着好几天的好奇，这次我们将要学习什么呢？….我们将什么时侯学习？继续我们“有更多的资讯变得更加未知”的模式。这并没有什么不同，正如我们周一（4月8日）从维多利亚基地那里收到的BCCA专家电话得知，在那里他带来我们最新的发现。
在4月9日，周二，我们遇到了纳奈莫的BCCA医生，它带我们了解了所有AVASTIM的治疗。这种药品物通常具有很好的容忍性，经常不会让病人感到累。ERNIE每两周接受一次。是通过IV，要一个小时进行执行。
令人高兴的是，第一次IV治疗能够很快的排期，我们也能立即停止日常的化疗。ERNIE在4月10日接受他的第一次IV
AVASTIN。
我们现在进入新的治疗一周了，ERNIE进展顺利。他在上几周一直做得更好。他可以每天享受与他的两只狗一起散步（ERNIE说狗和他在一起比凯西一起有趣多了！），他也帮助厨房的事（ERNIE是一个很棒的厨师，万一你还没有个人体验过这个部分）等等。除了这些祝福之外，这些天有一些定期的阳光，到处充满了春天的迹象。生活真好！
今天早些时侯，在
“我们收到了讯息”冥想的愉悦中，通过我的想法，围绕的是上次更新的日志信息时你们许多人所提供的所有的想法，感受，洞见和故事。
我们有了大量的阅读，聆听关于导师的部分。导师意味着什么，导师如何出现，导师如何影响，它怎样为你可以在许多不同的方式中成为生活。
谢谢这个人化的窗户，通过它，你提供了你们生命中的导师。
![[转载]恩典与勇气：一个癌症患者（ERNIE导师）的定期日志的真实故事](http://s10.sinaimg.cn/bmiddle/4c65c449gdaa3e8c1a2b9&690 "[转载]恩典与勇气：一个癌症患者（ERNIE导师）的定期日志的真实故事")
ERNIE,CATHY,JENNIFER SAM （厄尼，凯西，杰尼佛，山姆）
“
是的，我们都照亮，象月亮，星星和太阳…. ” JOHN LENNON
然而，再一次，谢谢你的礼物，无比拓宽了有品质的生命，是我们给予彼此的。
只是通过我们的渴望去聆听，说，学习。我们将永远不会低估人性的精神。
我们的朋友SAM
MAK是一个有许多才华的男人。在其中，他是一个相当敏感的摄像师。几周之前，我们幸运地有SAM来看它的拍档JENNIFER。同时，我们一个客厅充满了好友。下面是我们一些此时永恒的回忆，承蒙SAM的天赋的精神。
*************************************************************************************************另外附上去年（2012年11月我去加拿大HAVEN学院去看望ERNIE，在他家中，与他，凯西的合影，当时他还留着当年嬉皮士的长辫子，11月中旬就因为做化疗完全将头发剃光了。）
![[转载]恩典与勇气：一个癌症患者（ERNIE导师）的定期日志的真实故事](http://s9.sinaimg.cn/bmiddle/4c65c449gdaa4259d8618&690 "[转载]恩典与勇气：一个癌症患者（ERNIE导师）的定期日志的真实故事")
图中按顺序排列，大卫，涂涂，厄尼，凯西
摄于2012年11月
厄尼家的客厅。
*********************************************************************************
为了满足有些人喜欢读英语的需要，这里也上载了ERNIE的原邮件内容。这里的英文邮件是经过ERNIE同意，可以上载到我的博客上。
Dear, dear friends and family,
Given how much ‘change’ and ‘the unknown’
are alive and well in our life these days, I can still surprise
myself with how insistent this reality can be…again and again
challenging me to bring myself more than ever into
right-here-right-now.
For me, the MRI procedure has
come to personify this.
In a relatively brief period
of time
I can find
myself awash in a collage of calmness, anticipation, wonder,
anxiety and excitement.
Friday, April 5 was my scheduled MRI in
Nanaimo, to get a current look at my tumour, and it’s response (or
not) to the seven weeks of daily chemo I had been taking.
With the MRI procedure, as simple, clear and brief as it is,
I found myself with a familiar unanswerable… “what will this one
say?”
Simultaneously I want to know, and don’t want
to know, where things have got to since my last test …and where
they are right now.
As some of you may know, the MRI procedure
is fairly simple.
After brief prep, I am in the
examination room, on the table, motionless.
For
about fifteen minutes
a large, powerful
magnet-driven machine takes pictures that look like
internal ‘slices’ of the body.
I hear the door close, the technician having
left, and the quiet of ‘just me’ settles in.
And
then I am alone, in a kind of solitary peacefulness, just with me.
And paradoxically, there is another core awareness
that comes even closer.
I am in relationship.
Yes I am alone, and the only one in this room.
And yet I have a felt knowing of Cathy, and where
she is; a body sense of me, my stillness, and the other-room
presence of the MRI technician guiding me through my journey.
In those moments, when I am vividly aware
that I am alone
and I am in relationship, I am
finding a kind of clarity and richness – as ‘alone’ and ‘with’ each
shine new light on the other.
I am learning more
about relationship through my alone, and more about alone through
my relationships.
My MRI again was followed by a few days of
wondering, what will we learn this time? …when will we learn?
…continuing our pattern of ‘with more information
comes more unknown’.
And this was no different, as
we got a call from the Victoria based BCCA specialist on Monday
morning (Apr 8), where he brought us up-to-date on what he had
found…
He said he did not like the considerable
amount of swelling still showing in the MRI.
Ernie’s
left brain is being pushed way over towards the right.
Therefore he wanted to change Ernie's treatment to a new
type.
It is called Avastin.
Fortunately BC is one of three Provinces that has it
available through the medical system (under certain conditions) -
and Ernie had already been approved.
Yay!
On Tuesday 9
th we
met with the Nanaimo BCCA doctor, who took us through all the
details of Avastin treatment.
This drug is usually very well
tolerated, and often has the patient not feeling as tired.
Ernie receives it once every two weeks, via IV –
which takes about an hour to administer.
Happily the first IV
treatment was able to be scheduled very quickly so were able to
immediately stop the daily chemo drug.
Ernie
received his first IV Avastin on Wednesday 10
th.
We are now a week into the new treatment and
Ernie is doing very well.
He has been doing a lot
better in the last few weeks, and is able to enjoy daily walks on
his own with both dogs (Ernie says they have more fun with him than
Cathy!), and helping in the kitchen
(he’s a GREAT cook –
in case you have not had personal experience of this! C.), etc.
Added to these blessings, there is regular sunshine
here these days and signs of spring everywhere.
Life
is good!
Earlier this morning, in the pleasure of our
‘We Got This’ mediation, wandering through my thoughts were the
thoughts, feelings, insights and stories so many of you offered in
response to our last update.
We got so much reading and listening
about mentors, what mentoring meant, how mentoring showed up, how
mentoring influenced and how it ‘came to life’ in so many different
ways for you…thanks to the very personal windows-in that you
offered about mentors in your lives.
Yet again, thank you for the your gifts to
the ever-broadening quality of life we all give each other…simply
through our desire to listen, say, and learn.
May we
never underestimate our human spirits.
'Yeah, we all shine on, like the moon, and the stars and the
sun.' -- John Lennon
