Indeed, tell me what shall we do now?
阿三：（毕恭毕敬）Just keep calm,please!Let me
see!（盘坐在地。两手在头上画画如一休）（旁外音：当当当，砰！！）（阿三起）Ok,I get one,we can sent a
hero to put Ying Zheng to~~~（作杀状）Then, all the beauties,jewelries
and cities in Qing is ours~~~ （淫笑）太子与阿三作流口水状.
太子：Ha, ha~~~. Good idea,Good idea!But do you think who we can
sent?
阿三：I have thought about it, we can send Xi Men Chui Xue .He is
traveling in our country these days. I think we can’t lose the
chance. We must employ him quickly.
太子：Well, deal with the things as soon as possible.
第二幕：tournament (比武)
西门吹雪（上台，摆出一幅酷式）：Today I came here for the fighting, who is the
unwanted-life guy. Stand out.
荆轲（抖嗦而上）站在一边，不敢出大气。
旁白：Competition begins.
荆轲（带剑冲向西门吹雪，半途停住）Are you really Xi Men Chui Xue?
西门吹雪：Just come on.
荆轲：（又冲，停在西门吹雪面前）Are you sure you are really the Xi Men Chui Xue in
the story?
西门吹雪：（不耐烦）what a boring man! How dare you ask me such a stupid
question?
荆轲（环视四周见无一人，便跪在西门吹雪面前，大哭）My hero, I admire you just like the yellow
river, never endless（我对你的敬仰犹如黄河之水，滔滔不尽） .I have eighty-year-old
mother up, three-year-old boy down. Please don’t kill me. Give me
the life, please!
西门吹雪（大怒）I thought Jingke is a hero. But you beg for life. How can I
forgive you? Give me your life. (举剑刺向荆轲，忽然，捂住自己的肚子，自语) Maybe I ate
too much this morning, Maybe there is something wrong with the
rice. (抬头) where is the toilet?
荆轲：T-o-i-l-e-t-?
西门吹雪：WC.
荆轲：W-C-?
西门吹雪：（急）茅厕！！非比我说国语。
荆轲：I know, I know. Turn left, left and left.
西门吹雪下。
太子丹与阿三上，看见荆轲，大吃一惊，太子丹给阿三一个眼色，阿三会意。走至荆轲前。
阿三: What’s your name, please? Hero.
荆轲不屑一顾。
太子丹（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name, please?
荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
宁 在 花 下 死， 作 鬼 也 风 流。
Even dying under the flower, Also happy as a ghost.
|
——快活魔王荆轲是也
Happy
prince of the gost
|
太子丹（抱拳）：How do you do
荆柯：How do you do.
荆柯突欲走，太子丹给阿三一个眼色。
阿三：Hero, wait for a moment. I have a problem which needs your
help。
太子丹：You can gain a lot of things.
荆柯欲走又止。
太子丹(从衣兜里掏出一张卡片): Here is a card for traveling all over the world
for free, please accept it please, hero.
荆柯正准备拿，但马上又止，转身又欲走
太子丹（慌了）：I must use the last way. Ladies and gentlemen. This is Miss
Huang!
旁白：“大世界”响起
有一妖艳女子走上（男扮女装），走到荆柯面前，给荆柯抛了一个眉眼。荆柯两眼发直。
太子丹与阿三（击掌）Yeah!
荆柯（站直，厉声道）：Great man, both born and die for his motherland. I am
not the guy who just wants money and beauty. What shall I do?
Prince, just say it out. But this lady……
太子丹：No problem.
第三幕：Say goodbye in Yishui River(易水别)
荆珂挽着那女子，太子丹在后，阿三一手拿着地图，一手拿着人头上。
阿三：We have already reached Yishui River.
荆珂：Please just stop here. Goodbye.
太子丹：Hero, Let me see you off a little further
荆珂：What a boring guy. If you walk a little further, then you will
go to Qin instead of me
太子丹：Well. Goodbye. Hero. Here is the map and the head of Fan Yuqi,
so as to get trust of the king
荆珂（接过头，扔在一边。太子丹，阿三下，荆珂猛抱住妻子）：How can I express my feeling now? I
don’t want to leave because I love you. Once I think I will kill
Yingzheng . I can’t help rushing into W.C. you known. I don’t want
to go. I don’t want to go.
妻子：Don’t worry. Do you still love me?
荆珂：Sure. I love you just like the mouse likes the rice（我爱你就像老鼠爱大米）.
I love you more than my own life, more than the whole world. You
are the one I first kissed, and I hope you will be the last
one.
妻子：Well. If you are still loving me. You should not make me sad
Stand up like a man. Don’t be fearful. I will be right here waiting
for you.
荆珂：You must wait for me.
妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，
旁白：”I will be right here waiting for you” 响起
荆珂上船，渐渐远去，（歌落）
妻子：Hey！ You want to come back, use your pig head, if you come back,
the assurance that I bought about you will no use. Go to your doom.
Never come back. (下)
第四幕：murdering (刺秦).
一士兵跑在前，一士兵随其后，跑了一圈，便上气不接下气。
士兵甲（掏出手机一看）：Hey, bad luck. I am late. The bonus of this month has
been lost.
士兵乙：I am tired. I had been chatting on QQ until 1 o’ clock last
night.
秦王上座，两个士兵各站一边。
士兵甲：“Can we begin？”
秦王“begin”
士兵甲：“Let the people of Yan， Jingke come in”
荆柯上。跪下，吓得直发抖。
秦王：“Jingke. What’s wrong with you？”
荆柯：“Nothing. Nothing. May be there are lots of fleas on my body
“.
秦王（不烦）：What’s the good things， quickly！”
荆柯献图，图穷匕首见，荆柯举刀刺秦，（旁白：Go Go Go Only
Only响起）秦王摔倒，转身逃跑，其他人抱头趴在地上。
两个人围着大臣兜圈，过了一会儿……
士兵乙喊道：“Mr King, drink the milk
quickly!”扔了一奶壶，秦王接住，喝了下去，顿时，力大无比，立刻将荆柯打倒在地。
秦王:Super rubbish, how dare you kill me?
荆柯:I'm sorry I'm wrong But the prince of Yan told me to。 Please
forgive me!
秦王：You will never live again. What would you like to say?
荆柯：My lovely lady， Once there was a truest love put before my eyes
,but I didn't cherish it. Only after losing it .I found myself
regretting. No pains in the world comes near this, if God Could
give me another chance, I would say to the girl “I love you! “If
there had to be a limit of time before the end of love. I hope it
would be ten thousand years(有看过周星驰月光宝盒的就知道啥意思）.
秦王（吼道）：Soldiers carry out and put the pig head on the wall!!
第五幕：Escape（逃跑）
二个卫兵拖着荆柯上，（手脚以被绑）将荆柯扔到一边。二人气喘吁吁，甲搜身。
士兵甲：Bad luck. He has no money.
士兵乙：Money?? You are joking! I have searched all his body, just two
socks.
士兵甲:What?? Two socks?
士兵乙:Nothing. Nothing. (回头)Too dangerous.
士兵甲:Put the socks out.
士兵乙L极不情愿，拿出了一双大小不一的袜子
士兵甲看了看，比了比。将长的装进了自己兜里，短的扔给了士兵乙。
士兵乙：Too brazen. (两人互看)Oh,no.It’s fair.
荆柯（抬起头）：I will give you much more money if you set me free.
士卫兵：Really? Where is the money?
荆柯指了指脚上的绳子。二卫兵会意，解开了绳子。
荆柯（站起来）：My brothers, I have a good idea. If you do it,you will get
lots of money.
士卫兵：Oh,please tell it to us!
荆柯:You can tie another person instead of me to put to death. Only
the king recognizes me but he won’t watch my death. So no one will
find out the secret.
二士兵：Good idea!!(竖指)
荆柯从手袖里掏出￥100，递给士兵，然后大步离去。
二士兵（双目相视，大笑，同声）：Good!!
两人一把抓住骑车人，只往下拉，车子扔在地上。
路人丙：What have I done? I haven’t done anything wrong. Oh,no no!!!
Have I crime?
二士兵（异口同声）：Maybe.大笑.(Yesterday once more 起)
------------落幕------------
Xi Men Chui Xue
西 門
吹
雪
|
Height :
183cm
身高：183cm
|
Favorite doing: chatting
最爱干的事情：聊QQ
|
War power: endless
战斗力：无限
|
Favorite color: blue
最新欢的颜色：蓝
|
Weaponry: long sword
武器：长剑
|
Favorite drinks: XO
最新欢饮料：XO
|
Type of blood:
C
血型：C
|
Favorite idol: Wang Xinling
最崇拜的人：王心凌
|
