育儿是一辈子的事
2020-04-21 09:25阅读：
(At 4pm, I heard movement from upstairs. Tony is
getting up. I rushed into kitchen to make him breakfast.
鸡蛋灌饼，芹菜绿豆芽salad, and soy
beverage.
He finally emerged and I tried sitting at my desk
and not to intervene. He took food to his bedroom. I went over to
dinner table, only beverage was gone. I called up, he said he had
instant oat meal and the soy drink. He didn’t want the salad
and 灌饼。I was
upset.
Feng laughed at me. I wanted to scream at him. This
is not funny! I wanted to scream at both of them.)
Coronavirus, Covid-19, has caused and is still causing a
massive mess around the world.
Workers work from home. Students study from
home.
So we had Tony home sinc
e March 17, 2020, same day Feng and I started working from
home.
It’s been a little over a month.
Tony has not stepped out of the house ever since.
Okay, that’s not exactly correct. He went to the shopping mall
across street to meet his friend the second day he came home, and
has been inside the house since then.
I had thought he would eventually feel tired and
bored of being indoor all the time, and would want to go outside to
just get some fresh air or stretch his body. So far, I’ve been
wrong.
He stays up all night, and sleeps through most of
the day. He gets up around 4pm! Yes, you read it right, 4pm. I
don’t know exactly what time he goes to sleep, guessing around 4am.
He doesn’t sleep 12 hours. He wakes up, and then just laying there,
or checking his phone.
The staying up late was since Tony went to high
school. It was just getting later and later. There were shouting
and tears and struggles. No matter what we said and did, he just
wouldn’t listen, and we finally let go.
After he went to university, he had the ultimate
freedom of staying up to whatever time he was pleased to, and no
shouting no pressure from parents.
He told us, first semester in university, he was
late for classes sometimes, and second semester, he was skipping
morning classes often enough to make his mid-term exams look pretty
bad. He is not a careless student. So he said he would try to
attend each class the second half of the semester. That couldn’t
happen, because he had to move back right after his promise made
because of the Covid-19.
I feel helpless regarding his routine and
schedule.
As a parent, I should feel that this is a blessing
and bonus that we got extra time together.
Fact is, I don’t know if it is. We don’t see each
other that much, let alone much interactions, despite the fact that
we live under the same roof. It’s obvious because of our different
routines, but it also is because that there isn’t much to talk
about between us. It is almost awkward when we eat together at the
dinner table. So awkward that we all keep silent.
Since when it had become this?
How much I miss the way we used to be, intimate and
caring for each other. I wanted to rebuild or mend the bond between
us. But how?
Tony is very sedentary. No exercise what so ever. Of
course I’m worried about it. Probably over worried even. How can
you not as a mom?
As an 18 years old, Tony wants to be, or at least to
show, independent. But as an 18 years old, he is not totally
independent.
For one thing, we think he doesn’t know how to take
care of himself. I do confess that we as parents probably have
contributed to this. He is the only child. Parents with one child
go nuts about their child. We do too.
He doesn’t do any house chores, not even his own
laundry. We of course would like him to, but he refuses, and we let
him. We bring him water and juice. We cut fruits and bring it to
him. We listen, and when heard him getting up, we rush to kitchen
to cook for him. We worried that if we don’t, he wouldn’t eat and
drink properly, and that would damage his
health.
Yes, I think he is lazy. Yes, his crazy routine
drives me nuts. Yes, I wanted to scream at him. But despite all
this, we wanted to show him our love and support to him.
We wanted him to be able to feel our love and
support. However, I don’t know if we are
loving him in the correct waynow. We
love him. But I feel I
don’t know how to love him.
This is a crazy time.
Nothing like having a child makes your life more
meaningful and feel more fulfilled. Yet, nothing like failing your child makes your life
a deeper failure. I sometimes feel I failed Tony as a mom.
All his shortcomings and weakness and bad habits are
my fault. It hurts.
(Tony is a good kid. He has lots of flaws, but he is
a good kid. I am not a bad mom. I made lots of mistakes, but I’ve
tried hard all along the way. Each mom
has these sharp heart-ache, serious
self-doubt, anddeep regret moments. This is one of
these moments.)
