验，好朋友在互助中共同成长。2。分担悲伤的情绪，患难见真情。
2）
第一个问题略写,
第二和第三个问题整合在一起写，要稍作展开。举例并通过例子说明这样的分享起到稳固和促进友谊的作用。例子由浅入深，思想境界逐步提升。
语言：
1）
要避免动词忘记使用分词形式作主语，抽象名词与单数形式的动词搭配。
2）
Sentence for reference:
a)
The man’s happiness at that moment comes into my mind
every time I have the chance to share something with others.
b)
Sharing something
sometimes doesn’t cost you much, but it means a lot to the people
who you help.
c)
Giving is
getting.
d)
A good friend always
gives you a helping hand when you’re in trouble.
e)
There is an old
saying, “Friends are God’s way of taking care of us.”
f)
Finding
friendship is just like planting a tree. You plant the seed and
take care of it to make it grow.
g)
A friend in need is a
friend indeed.
h)
A true friend is the one
who holds your hand and touches your heart.
范文：
1）
提供一二篇范文。
Sharing brings us love
Since I was a little girl, I’ve been taught that sharing plays an
important role in our life, so I often share something with
others.
Sharing something sometimes doesn’t cost you much, but it means a
lot to the people who you help. When we share, there is love. In my
class, I share my laughter and tears with my classmates. When my
classmates meet trouble, Without hesitation I do my best to share
what I have. In the society, I share my happiness with my friends,
even with strangers. I usually give a hand to the old, the poor and
the others who need help.
Sharing with others teaches me much and brings us love. I do
believe if we get into the habit of sharing, the world will become
a beautiful heaven.
8+8+2/3
Sharing brings me happiness
Undoubtedly, we share something with others almost every day. In my
opinion, sharing brings me happiness.
As for me, I share my lunch with my classmates. They will thank me
if I share food with them. That makes me happy. Moreover, as the
saying goes, if an apple exchanges an apple, you can only get one.
But if one idea exchanges another idea, you will get two ideas.
There’s nothing happier than sharing our ideas together! We enjoy
talking to each other and even argue with each other about one
problem. We can get a lot of solutions to the problem, and it makes
me happy.
Sharing is one of the happiest things, isn’t it?
8+8+2/3
Sharing brings us love
As someone said : ‘Love is a light that never dims .’ Every time I
share something with others , I can feel the power of love , just
like a stream of perfume .
I constantly share something with others in my daily life .
In my class, we regularly share cute candies with each other. The
sweet taste is the taste of love. As volunteers, we share our
kindness with others. In other words, we share our pure heart and
simple love . It’s the most precious emotion we have ever found.
Without a doubt, sharing brings us love.
All in all, I firmly believe this kind of love is one of the most
invincible power in all ages .
7+8+2
Sharing brings us love
The true value of life is not in what we get but in what we share,
so l often share something with others.
l often share chocolates with my friend when she meets troubles. I
believe chocolates can bring her confidence. It also helps me get
my friend’s love which always shines in my memory. When Wenchuan
earthquake happened, I shared my clothes and books with Sichuan
people. I hoped that my behavior could warm their heart.
The world needs love. You can’t see the love, but sharing spreads
love all over the world.
7+8+2
11~12分：
I usually go to orphanage to share my time to play with these
children. I take my complete love to make up their imperfect love.
I share happiness with them by telling stories to them, playing
games and singing songs together. Besides, I also share my feelings
with my friends. When I failed to pass the exam, I felt upset. Just
then, my friend came to encourage me and said that she would give
me a hand. I was moved by these words.
Sharing not only brings me happiness, but
also, more importantly, I get a precious friendship.
13~15分
There's a saying goes that if you share your happiness with others,
you'll have double happiness. So I often share something with other
people.
Sharing brings me happiness. For example, my friend met a difficult
maths problem last week, I tried my best to help him and sharing my
successful experience with him. To my joy, he dealt with the
problems himself at last. And we all felt happy.
Sharing brings me not only the good feelings but also the
happiness! When we share with each other, we can get not only the
happiness but also fun. Sharing brings happiness whenever in my
life or in my study.
9~11分：
Sharing is a process of enjoy happiness. So I often share sth with
others.
In my opnion, friends play an important part in daily life.The
friends around me are very friendly and helpful. So, I awlays share
with them.
I often communicate with them because I think we can know
each other better and keep friendship in this way. We all open our
doors of hearts and share sadness as well as happiness. Otherwise,
going sports outside is another, fun thing for us to do at
weekends.
So I think friendship is precious to everyone. I believe we
will be good friends forever.
作文评析（2）
（北郊学校曹卫君供稿）
徐汇二模
99. Write at least 60 words about the topic “My plan for
_______”
（以“我的_______计划” 为题写一篇不少于60个词的短文，标点符号不占格。)
提示：你可以描述你对于学校活动,毕业考,高中学习,假期或者未来的规划和打算,
可以具体举例说明计划的原因,目的和内容以及你期望的结果。
school activities
high school study
summer holidays
future job
Use the following points as a reference.
(以下问题仅供参考)
＊ What is your plan about? What have you planned?
＊ Why do you have such a plan? How are you going to do it?
＊ What result do you expect?
（注意：短文中不得出现任何人名、校名及其它相关信息，否则不予评分。）
写作文时，一定要做到拿到题目先审题，包括标题，内容和时态。
（1）标题：要写自己熟悉的话题，要写自己有把握的作文。这一篇半命题的作文，所以学生要先把题目补充完整。细看图片，school
activities 与summer holidays这两个话题比较贴近学生生活，而high school study与future
job则远离现在的生活，需要展开一定的想象，因此相对来说前两个话题更容易写。当然学生还可以拓展思路，my plan for the
weekend, my plan for my (father’s/ mother’s….) birthday party, the
next two months 都是不错的题目。
（2）时态：题目补充完整之后，审题只进行了一半。学生还需思考文章的基本时态。这篇文章写的是计划，是将来要做的事情，所以在描写这些事情的时候用一般将来时，用will
+ V或be going to do的结构，当然还可以用 want to do /plan to do/ hope/wish/
would like to do等这样的动词或动词词组表示将来想要做的事情。
很多学生在审题结束之后就急急忙忙开始落笔。以至于写出下面这样的流水账似的文章。
My plan for the summer holiday
The summer holiday is coming. I’m very happy. I have a plan for my
summer holiday. I will finish doing my homework as quickly as
possible. I will help my mother do some housework, such as making
the bed, cleaning the room, washing the dishes and so on. Then I
will visit my grandparents and stay there for two days. I am also
going to visit my friends and play table tennis with them.
（3）内容：首先要构思作文三步骤——beginning, body and
ending。
在beginning部分包括两个内容（引入和观点）。写作是需要表达一定的思想的，这也正是学生所欠缺的。这时，作文中的提示问题起了很好的点拨的作用。以本题为例：
What is your plan about? What have you planned?
这两个问题其实是提示学生构思文章的开头部分。如：The summer holidays are coming, I need to
have a good rest, so I have made a plan for summer holidays./ The
weekends will come. Do you have any plans for your weekends? As we
all know “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”, I decide to
relax myself at the weekends.这里需要注意的是What have you
planned?这一问题在开头部分略写就可以了，用上I decide to/ I have made a plan
for的句型结构点到为止。
在body部分我们需要解决两个问题即Why do you have such a plan?和How
are you going to do
it?其中第一个问题略写，第二个问题需要详细展开。当然，学生要切记写作文不是回答问题，千万不能在文章中这样说：I am going
to do it like this.
……这一问是全文的重点，用一般将来时或能够表示将来的动词详细展开。当然还要注意句式的变化以及连接词的使用，切忌记流水账。无论是假期的计划还是周末的计划，都不需要从第一天写到最后一天，而应该选取最能引人注意的一件或两件事来写，如登山、逛公园、放风筝、参观博物馆、看电影、体育运动、烧烤、漫步等，而不要写假期的“老三样”活动——做作业、睡觉、打电脑游戏。然后在写事情安排的时候，适当的加以景色或心情的描写，这样能让文章更加有血有肉。
详略不当例文：
(… First, the doctor is a great occupation and is called “Angels
I White”. They are always busy working for patients’ health and
have no time to look after their families, just like my father. But
I still respect him very much because of his patience and
responsibility during his work. Thus, I want to be a doctor like
him in the future to keep people away from pain and suffer.
Besides, I also like helping people who need help. I like to make
sick people better and look after them. By helping others, I always
find great joy and a sense of achievement. )[*1] Therefore, to be a good
doctor, the most important thing I should do is to study hard so
that I can go to an outstanding medical university. I will read
more books on medicine to enrich my professional knowledge.
[*2]
在ending部分包括两部分(点题和表达自己的情感).如要把ending写好就要关注最后一问“What
result do you expect?”因为这是思考文章如何结尾的一个提示。最简单的写法是I think I will….
当然，这样的结论要与前文相呼应。
例文：
My plan for the summer holiday
As we all know, the life of Grade-Nine students is very busy and
tiring. After the final exam, I will have a two-month holiday
without any homework. I am so excited that I can’t wait to make a
plan for the coming summer holiday.
I like traveling very much, especially visiting the beach, so I
decide to fly to Maldives whose beaches are the most beautiful ones
in the world. I will go swimming in the sea and have a barbecue at
the beach. I can also take a walk along the beach under the
moonlight. It must be amazing to listen to the waves and feel the
gentle wind by the sea. What’s more, I would like to sing and dance
with the native people who are known as born musicians.
I think this journey will bring me much fun and make my summer
holiday relaxing, not only because of the beautiful view, but also
because of the delicious food and warm-hearted native people.
（6+8+0）
点评：首先，这篇文章结构清晰，能够让读者体会到暑期旅游计划的美好以及激发读者阅读的兴趣。另外，读者也可以不难发现作者使用的句式也是比较丰富的，有一定的美感，当然作者也使用了一些连接词使文章读起来也比较连贯，如:
what’s
more等。但是在细细品读这篇文章之后，我们可以发现文章有以下不足之处：1）文章的引入太冗长，直至第二段才说出计划是什么。而我们通常引入用一句话来表达。2）文章的结尾not
only because of the beautiful view, but also because of the
delicious food and warm-hearted native people.与文章开头the life of
Grade-Nine students is very busy and
tiring的呼应不够明显，感觉作者完全沉浸在对于旅游带来的好处，而没有对于summer
holidays能够让你从繁忙以及劳累的状态中解脱出来加以更多的阐述，因此没有做到首尾呼应。最后，如果作者能够简化引入部分，同时对于ending部分加以修改使其做到结尾与开头相呼应，那么这篇文章的质量会有大大的提高。
My plan for the summer holidays
With the steps of taking exams sped up, the summer holidays are
drawing near. In order to make my holidays pleasant and meaningful,
I have made a reasonable plan. In the first place, I will buy some
new books which can enrich my spiritual life to read. In the second
place, visiting some places of interest can broaden my experience,
so it’s really necessary for me to take this chance to make full
use of time to enjoy the beauty of nature. Last but not least, I
will also hold a party for my dear teachers so as to thank them for
their instructions and academic help. I seem to see their faces
which are lighting up with joy. I strongly believe that my plan
will make my summer holidays colorful and unforgettable.
(8+8+3)
点评：（1）文章内容连贯，不仅仅是生硬地回答问题那么。从What is your plan about?到Why do you
have such a plan?和How are you going to do it?用一些连词如in order to…/ In
the first place 等连接起来很自然，很流畅。（2）文章也巧妙地诠释了plan和the summer holiday
之间的关系——因为有这样的一个计划，我的假期会丰富多彩，令人难忘。首尾做到了呼应。在结尾不仅体现了plan和the summer
holiday 之间的逻辑关系，还加强了语气，如I strongly
believe…(3)从文体部分来看，有了三个不同方面的计划。一丛读书丰富精神世界；二从旅游增长见识；三从为老师开party体现对老师的感恩之心，做到动静结合，知识人文结合。内容非常丰富。（4）从用词用句上来看非常丰富，没有重复。如：暑假快要到来了不用the
summer holidays are coming soon，而用the summer holidays are drawing
near，这样表达更美。
Samples
开头
l
There are a lot of meaningful and interesting things to
do during summer holidays, and I’ve just made a plan for my
holiday, which can help me relax myself and have an unforgettable
holiday.
l
Up to now, I have made many plans. However, my plan for
the summer holidays is the most wonderful one.
l
After three years’ study, I am under great pressure.
Luckily, the summer holidays are coming, so I will take the chance
to plan it carefully in order to release my stress and broaden my
mind.
l
I am so delighted because the summer holidays are coming
soon. In order to have a meaningful and unforgettable holiday, I
have made a plan.
l
When it comes to summer holidays, I can’t help thinking
of beautiful views and casual life. Therefore, I have made an
excellent plan in order to enjoy the beauty of nature and relax
myself.
结尾
l
As far as I am concerned, this plan can bring me a lot of
fun and give me a chance to enrich my knowledge which can’t be
learnt at school. So I am certain that I will cherish this
opportunity and make full use of my summer holidays.
l
To sum up, this plan is so meaningful that I always think
of it. I am really looking forward to this summer holiday. It will
surely bring me a lot of enjoyment which hasn’t been achieved in
the past three years.
l
Although my plan is not perfect, I am satisfied with it.
I strongly believe my plan for summer holidays will not only give
me a chance to travel throughout the country but also enrich my
knowledge which can’t be learnt at school. Summer holidays- I am
looking forward to you.
[*1]花了太多的笔墨写原因，而此作文中原因应该略写。
[*2]由于这篇文章的主题是plan，所以对于How
are you going to do it应该花一定的笔墨去详细描写。
作文评析3
（新华初级中学马艳供搞）
The hero in my eyes
“我眼中的英雄”为题写一篇不少于60个词的短文，标点符号不占格。
)
Use the following points as a reference.
（以下问题仅供参考
）
u
Who is the hero in your eyes?
u
Why do you think he/she is the hero in your eyes? (Give
one or two reasons.)
u
What have you learned from him/her?
此篇作文的内容分应为2+4+2,
其中第一点的2分应点明所写对象并作简单介绍；第二点的两个理由各2分，这两点应该是文章的重点，第三点2分，1分应写学到了什么，另外1分应表述与第二点有所关联，并使整篇文章形成一个上下贯通的整体。
此题的理解重点应是对 hero与in my eyes的理解---这个hero
是勇敢的、能克服困难的，具有坚持和容忍的特质, ---in my eyes
则是在自己的眼中、有别于常人所认为的英雄，如所选取的人物是大家较为熟悉、令人钦佩的，如刘翔、杨利伟等，应点明旁人认为如此，而自己更是这么认为的；如写的是自己身边的普通人，也应写出特别过人之处，而不仅是日常生活的关心他人或努力学习，如身边的同学克服困难终于学好了某门学科，或妈妈努力寻找工作，终于重新站了起来，因此，所举两点理由要特别说明hero的特点，后面最好有进一步的说明是在自己看来如此，使内容更充实、更有说服力；
常见错误：
1、不能只写一件见义勇为的勇擒小偷的例子来说明，如一定要写也应在此之后进一步说
明人物个性；如选择写自己的爸妈对自己的爱或同学间的友爱，则不能体现文章主旨—hero, 内容就偏题了;
如选择写大家不够熟悉的人物，则一定要介绍清楚人物的身份，并且要对他的事迹有充分的了解及足够的语言能力才能描写到位。
2、时态的表述方面则尽量选择用现在时态，用过去时写一件事例，应注意动词形式。
3、结尾要扣题。
可选用的句式：
1、
In my opinion, a hero is …….
2、
xxx, a ………., is a hero in my eyes.
3、
I think he’s a hero because he ………..
He…………,(此处为进一步的阐述). What’s more, he ………., especially when ……….
(此为第二个理由，应与第一个理由有较明显的区别).
4、
Therefore, I admire/ ….. him a lot. From him, I’ve
learned that ………
5、
I hope I can be a hero …..
In my opinion, a hero must be brave. Liu Wei, the China’s Got
Talent Show winner, is a hero in my eyes. He lost his arms in an
electric shock. However, although he’s disabled, he can play the
piano with his feet, much better than most usual people. What’s
more, his bravery also touches me a lot. He manages to use his feet
to clean teeth, brush hair and even type on a computer all by
himself. He never gives up when he is in such great trouble. Almost
everyone thinks he’s a hero, and I really admire him a lot. From
him, I’ve learned that I should be brave and stick to my goal when
facing difficulties in my life. He’ll be a great hero in my heart
forever.
(8+8+1)
此篇作文开头能很好的引入，介绍刘伟的身份并开门见山点明第一点；在描述原因时能写清两点理由，层次较为清晰，还能有进一步的说明，第三点与上文较为吻合；语言较为老道、流畅，是篇不错的习作。
In my eyes, my classmate, Jack, is a hero. Everyday, he’s friendly
and polite to everyone. He likes to help others, too. If I am
unable to solve a maths problem, he’ll help me without any words.
What’s more, he’s a brave boy who dares to face his own mistakes
and problems. When he makes a mistake, he always apologizes to the
teacher and tries to correct it. So after that, he often improves
himself a lot. That’s why I think he’s a hero. From him, I learn
that I should do my best to solve the problem instead of giving up
halfway. JZJ
(7+7)
此篇作文能点明并介绍所写对象，从两个方面说明为什么会认为是个英雄，二个理由较为可信和贴近主题—虽然平凡但能勇敢面对错误，还能有进一步说明。但第三点与上文内容关联不够，未能进一步深化hero的特质。语言方面则应进一步润色。
作文评析1