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【读书】哈佛大学《幸福课》笔记

2018-12-05 10:38阅读：

http://blog.sina.cn/dpool/blog/u/1634035055

10月份开始看Tal的课，断断续续拖拖拉拉地终于看完了。Tal 说过，这个课学到的许多东西都是常识, 但是'Common sense is not that common'，特别是应用于实际。虽然大师略啰嗦，但我也要隔空向Tal说一声：谢谢提醒了我一些常识，受益终身。记录下那些醍醐灌顶的时刻，与诸君分享。


【第一课】凿除多余石块
Chip away the excess stone

【读书】哈佛大学《幸福课》笔记

曾经有个记者问米开朗基罗”您是如何创造出《大卫》这件巨作的?“
米开朗基罗回答：”很简单，我去了趟采石场，看见一块巨大的大理石，我在它身上看到了大卫。我只要凿去多余的石头，只留下有用的。凿去多余的石头之后，大卫就诞生了。“


One day Michelangelo was asked by a journalist of his time, 'How did you create this most amazing masterpiece, David?', to which Michelangelo responded, 'it was easy. I went to the quarry. I saw this huge piece of marble. And in it I saw David. All I needed to do was to chip away the excess stone, to get rid of the marble that shouldn't have been there.'
虽然说的比做的容易，但是这个故事抓住了这门课程精髓。即凿除多余石块，也就是摆脱限制、阻碍或者对失败的恐惧。
' Not obviously easier said than done.But the story captured the metaphor of what this class very much is about. It's about chipping away the excess stone.It's about getting rid of limitations, of barriers, whether it's the fear of failure.
【第二课】问题创造现实
Questions create reality


心理学家在20世纪40年代末开始研究受危人群，心理学家们问的问题是'为什么这些人会失败'，投入了很多资源，然而变化却非常少。心理学家们提出了不同的问题，他们不去问为什么这些人会失败。积极心理学家开始问是什么让某些人成功了？即便面对的是不理想的环境。突然间结果出来了, 真正的结果，切实的结果，打破了数十年零结果的局面，这仅仅是基于一个简单的问题。
Psychologists, starting in the late 1940s, studied at-risk population.The question that the psychologists asked was 'why do these individuals fail? ' Lot of resources going in. However, very little change was introduced. Different questions started to be asked by psychologists.Instead of asking what did these individuals fail, positive psychologists started to ask what made some individuals. And suddenly, there were results, real results, tangible results, after decades of virtually zero results, simply based on the question.


大多数人都会问自己，我的弱点是什么?我要改善什么?通常排除了我的长处是什么?我擅长于什么? 一个主要关注缺点的人看不到也不欣赏他们的长处 热情他们的美德的人。一个这样的人会有很高的自尊心自信心和很多的快乐吗?
People mostly ask themselves,'what are my weaknesses? What do I need to improve?'Very often to the exclusion of 'what are my strengths? What are my virtues? What am I good at?' Could a person who only or primarily focuses on weaknesses and does not see, does not appreciate their strength, their passions, their virtues -- can a person like that experience high levels of self-respect, self-confidence, happiness?


问题缔造现实。我们所问的问题通常决定了我们追求的东西，我们会走的道路，我们会过的生活。
Questions create reality. The questions we ask very often determine the quest that we will pursue, the path that we will take, the life that we will lead.


如果你不欣赏它的好处 好处就会贬值。本质上Marva Collins所做的缔造一个与传统智慧不同的榜样
if you don't appreciate the good, the good will depreciate. Essentially, what Marva Collins does is create for students-- create a very different model than the conventional wisdom.
【第三课】心理免疫系统
Psychological immune system


培养能力就是创造一个强大的心理免疫系统.如果我们有强大的生理免疫系统会怎样?这是否意味着我们不会生病?当然不是，还是会生病。但这意味着我们不会常生病，就算病了，也能恢复得更快。
Cultivating capacity is about creating a strong psychological immune system.What happens when we have a strong physical immune system?Does it mean we don't get ill?Of course not. We do.But it means that we get ill less often and when we do get sick, we recover more promptly.


这就是培养的力量，乐观、追求、意义、正念，正是这些因素的作用，他们会放大并改变我们看待和体验世界的方式，让我们突破自我，使我们能更好地应对不可避免的困难。不可避免的困难的确存在，没有谁的人生是一帆风顺的，它可以增强我们的免疫系统。
This is exactly what cultivating strength, optimism, sense of purpose, meaning, mindfulness—this is exactly what these characteristics do.They enlarge transform—the way we see, the way we experience the world, enlarge the capacity of the form and that's we are better able to deal the inevitable difficulties. And there are inevitable difficulties. No life is completely immune to those.So it strengthens our immune system.
【第五课】欲变世界,先变其身
Be the change you want to see in the world


圣雄甘地，这是关于他的一个故事。一个女人像很多人一样来寻求甘地的建议，她长途赶来还带着儿子。她对他说'我长途赶来 因为我儿子有个问题，我儿子吃太多糖,希望你能告诉他别吃太多糖。'甘地看着她说'夫人 你能一个月后再来吗?'
她不明白为什么但还是听了他的话，因为他是甘地。她离开，长途返回。一个月后又回来，她在他面前说：'一个月前我来过。' 他说'是的 我记得。'她说'你能告诉我儿子不要吃太多糖吗?' 于是甘地注视着那个孩子说'孩子，不要再吃太多糖。'就是这样。那个女人很困惑，她鼓起勇气问：”谢谢，但为什么不在一个月前告诉他？在我长途赶来的时候?“ 他说'夫人，因为一个月前，我也吃太多糖'
Mahatma Gandhi. This is a story about him.There was a woman like many people came to ask for advice from Gandhi.And she came from very far away. And she brought her son along, and she said to him 'I came from afar, because I have a problem with my son. My son eats way too much sugar. And I'd like you to tell him to stop it.' Gandhi looked at her and said, 'Madam, can you please come back in a month?'
She didn't know why but she listened to him after all--he was Gandhi. She left, went far away, came all the way back a month later. She said in front of him 'I was here a month ago.'And he said, 'Yes. I remember.' And she said, 'Could you please tell my son to stop eating so much sugar?' So Gandhi looks at the child intensely and says, 'Son, stop eating too much sugar.'And that's it. The woman is obviously perplexed and musters up her courage, and says, 'Mahatma, thank you very much. but why couldn't you tell him this a month ago, when I came all the way here?' And he said, 'Well, madam, because a month ago, I was eating too much sugar.'


出自他的精彩自传《我的对于真理的实践经历》
'成为你想在世上见到的改变。'只有这样才能实现改变。


One of the things Gandhi said, that he talked about is from his wonderful autobiography,'My experiment with truth'--
'Be the change you want to see in the world.'
你也许想通过你的言话传播快乐，但传播快乐的最佳方法是努力争取自己的快乐，因为那时你就成为榜样。这也适用于领导、父母。最重要的不是说的话，而是如何以身作则。
So you may want to spread happiness, through your word. But ultimately, the best way, the optimal way spreading happiness is to work on your own happiness, because then you are leading by example. That applies to leadership, parenting. The most important thing is not what you say; it's what you do.
生理学家和科学家们声称的身体界限是心理界限，Roger Bannister攻破了那个要塞，意志和心理上的要塞。信念即自我实现预言，它们经常决定我们的表现。
physiologists and scientists had claimed.It was a mental barrier. And what Roger Bannister did was break down the fort, the mental psychological fort. Beliefs are self-fulfilling prophecies.Very often they determine how we perform.
【第六课】成功的秘密
Secret of success


成功的秘密是乐观、信念，坚信他们能做好，坚信他们能成功，热情 热爱他们从事的事业 并且勤奋工作。
Here is the secret of success. Optimism, belief, faith that they can do well, that they can succeed. Passion, love for what they were doing. And hard work.
【第七课】学会失败 从失败中学习
Learn to fail, fail to learn


努力和面对必然能获得成功，至少比以前不行动和不去面对时要成功。即使只是一点点成功的贡献，也有助于提高自我效能，有助于增加自信，而自信反过来激励我们更努力，我们开始更加相信自己。
Hard work and coping inevitably leads to success, more success at least than we had before,
when we didn't act and we didn't cope. So even if it's a little bit, in and of itself contributes, that success contributes to our self-efficacy, to our self confidence. And then, that self confidence in turns, motivates us to work harder.
考虑到对教育的影响，我们应该仅是对学生不停地说你们很棒吗？还是应该像Marva Collins那样，让他们努力奋斗获得更多成功，让他们想象自己回归自我概念理论，想象自己努力奋斗。想象自己投身其中，面对失败，重新站起。
Think about the implications for education, do we just tell students constantly you're terrific, you're great, or do we like Marva Collins, make them actually work hard so that they succeed more, so that they see themselves going back to self conception theory, see themselves working hard, see themselves putting themselves on the line, coping and failing, and getting up again.


它和我们身体免疫系统运作方式相同，当我们身体不适，当我们生病时，我们的身体感应到抗体，我们实际上会免疫得过的病。我们的身体通过失败获得免疫力，在心理层面也相同 失败会被低估。
It works also in a similar way to our physical immune system.You know when we get sick, when we get ill, our body sense anti-bodies and we actually become immune to whatever it is that we had. So our body become immunise through failure. Same on the psychological level, failure is underrated.
希望你们能多经历失败。另外，我希望当你们失败时，你们也能学习用不同的方式去诠释。而不像大多数人那样诠释失败，因为没有别的方式取得成功，成长的途径只有这一条，学会失败 从失败中学习
One of the things that I wish for you is that you fail more. And, coupled with that,I hope that when you fail, you will also learn to interpret it in a different way than most of us usually interpret failure.
'Cause there is no other way to succeed, there is no other way for growth, Learn to fail, or fail to learn


认知重建，是要学习乐观地诠释事情
Cognitive reconstruction is about learning to interpret things optimistically,


【第八课】外婆的故事


那时是十月，很美丽，太阳西下，风在吹，树在摆动。然后外婆停下来，向天空望去。她站得很骄傲 很稳重，她紧抓住我的手抬头看天，再看着我，她说'Tal，这个世界真美好。可惜我们都要离开' 她笑了笑。
It was a beautiful October day. The sun was out. The wind was blowing. The trees were swinging. And she suddenly stopped. She stopped and looked up. And she stood so proud, so poised. And she held my hand so tight, looking up and looking at me.She said,'Tal, it's such a beautiful world. Just a pity we have to leave.' And she smiled.


我外婆见过成千上万的尸体，她亲眼看着她家人被谋杀，她生了三个死产儿，她没有无视生活中可怕的事，她怎么能无视?但是同时她也拒绝无视生活中美好的事，生活中美好的事。她心怀感激 她撑下来了。我外婆告诉我 这是一个美好的世界，我相信她。
My grandmother saw thousands of corps. She saw her family murdered in front of her very eyes. She had three stillborn children. She did not ignore the terrible things in life. How could she? However, at the same time, she also refused to ignore the good things in life. And she was grateful. And she survived. My grandmother told me that this is a beautiful world.I believe her.


【第十课】正念
Mindfulness


正念意味着看到事物的本来面目，而不是试图去改变它们，关键是要消解我们对负面情绪的反应，而不是抵制情绪，这就是所谓做人的权利。随着情绪，感受情绪，在这个过程中呼吸吐纳。如此一来 情绪就消解了，随着这种情绪的消解，令人痛苦的情感也得到了心理解离。
“Mindfulness means seeing things as they are, without trying to change them. The point is to dissolve our reactions to disturbing emotions, being careful not to reject the emotion itself.' This is what permission to be human is all about. Along the emotion, experiencing the emotion, and just breathing through it. Very often, it dissolves. And with it, with the emotional dissolution of the emotion comes also the psychological dissolution of this painful emotion.


这门课能做的就是激发或鼓励你们在态度上的转变，通过介绍这些研究，让你们相信正向思维的作用。但是，如果你们不在行为上做出改变，比如去做感恩练习，比如这周要交的感谢信，这个练习是应该定期去做的。除非之后有相应的行为，否则你的态度会回复原状，你的态度和行为都和上课，或是接受疗法之前没有两样。
But all this class can do all is introduce or encourage attitudinal changes, to convince you through research that learn to focus on the positive. However, if you don't follow up with behavior, and that means doing the gratitude study, the gratitude exercise that means writing the letter, you are responsible for this week but doing it regularly. Unless behavior is gonna follow, the attitude will go back and reflect your attitude and your behavior from before the class or before the intervention.


【第十一课】从自律转向例行公事
Changing your focus from self-discipline to rituals


当我们处于舒适区里时，很少发生变化；当跳出舒适区，就到了拉伸区，也就是最佳不适区，这就是改变实际发生的地方；再越过这个就是恐慌区，此时我们就有了焦虑和困扰，这通常是不健康的区域，对于改变来说不健康，因为这时通常我们都会回到原来的状态。
When we are in the comfort zone, very little change happens. If you go beyond that, we get to our stretch zone. This is what we call the optimal discomfort zone. This is where change actually happens. Beyond that is the panic zone. This is where we have anxiety and difficulty. This is the place that is usually unhealthy. Unhealthy for change. Because very often, we can go back on where we were before.


好消息是更多的自律事实上并不重要，不管是对于成功或是幸福感，就用你现在已有的自律性 你也可以变得更成功更幸福。怎么做呢？如果你把注意力从依靠自律性来获得改变转到引入例行公事上来
The good news: it's actually not that important, neither for success, nor for happiness. You can be more successful and happier with the self-discipline that you currently have. How? If you change your focus from relying on self-discipline for bringing about change to introducing rituals.


六百个学生里没有一个实现了他们的新年计划，为什么？因为新年计划依赖于自律，而刷牙是例行公事。开始一件例行公事需要大量自律，但一旦开始，当一个月后它已成为习惯，我们就可以建立下一件例行公事了。
No one person out of more than 600 students, fulfilled their new year's resolutions? Why? Because new year resolutions rely on self-discipline.Brushing our teeth relies on a ritual. It takes a lot of discipline to start a ritual, but once we start it, after a month when it's habituated, then we can move onto the next ritual and introduce it.
【第十二课】人生短得完成不了我必须做的事，人生的长度仅够我完成我想做的事
Life is too short to do what I have to do, it's barely long enough to do what I want to do
'不为胜利而活，不为曲终而活，为美好过程而活' 任何目标都并不重要，这些目标是你自由选择的，而不是由外界所强加的，不是由某个特定的人或抽象意义上的社会所强加在你身上，不是因为义务或责任而做，而是去做你内心深处最在意的事。
'Live not for battles won, Live not for the-end-of-the-song, Live for the along.' It's not any goals that matter.These are goals that you choose freely, not goals that are imposed from the outside, whether it's by someone specific or specific people, or by abstract society. And doing it out of a sense of obligation or duty. It's to do things that you care about deeply from within.


换句话说，这些是你想做的事，或是你察觉到自己想做的事，而不是你不得不做的事
In other words, these are things that you want to do, or that you feel, that you perceive that you want to do, rather than things that you have to do.


要记住，选择什么、往哪个方向走并不重要。如果我选择的东西是自我和谐的，和我个人的目标和使命相符合，我就会过上精神性生活。
And the thing to keep in mind is that it doesn't matter what I choose, what direction I go in. If I choose something that is self-concordant, that is aligned with my personal goals and mission, I will lead a spiritual life.


说比做容易。'实现自我和谐是非常困难的，要求精确的自我知觉能力，还有抵抗社会压力的能力。那种压力有时会把人迫往错误的方向'
Easier said than done.'Becoming self concordant is a difficult skill, requiring both accurate self-perceptual abilities and the ability to resist social pressures that may sometimes push one in inappropriate directions.'
'人生短得完成不了我必须做的事，人生的长度仅够我完成我想做的事。'越早开始我们想做的事越好
'Life is too short to do what I have to do; it's barely long enough to do what I want to do.' The sooner we start on the want-to, the better.
【读书】哈佛大学《幸福课》笔记
【读书】哈佛大学《幸福课》笔记
【第十三课】压力 -- 缺少恢复
Lack of recovery

问题不在于压力，不是生理上的问题 也不是心理上的问题，问题在于缺少恢复。那些既成功又快乐幸福的人，是会感受到压力的，然而他们很注重恢复。
In other words, the problem is not stress, not on the physical level, nor on the psychological level.
The problem is lack of recovery. Individuals who are both successful, happy, thriving, flourishing are ones who do experience stress. However, they also pay very close attention to recovery.


'我可以用九个月内完成一年的工作 但不能用十二个月' 他知道休息对于创造力的重要性
'I can do a year's work in nine months, but not in twelve.' He understood the importance for creativity of taking time off.


【第十四课】多则劣少而精
Quantity affects quality

听听这个类比，想想你闭着眼睛，全神贯注地，听你最喜欢的音乐。然后从一到十打个分数，绝对是满分十分。于是又开始听第二喜欢的音乐，你全神贯注地听着，然后从一到十打分，也有9.5分了。接着 为了达到最大效果，你把两首歌同时播放，结果怎样? 19.5分吗？不是10分，连5分也没有，纯粹是噪音，这就是现代生活。
Think about the following analogy. Think about your favorite piece of music, then you rate it on a scale of one to ten. And of course, perfect ten. And then you listen to your second most favorite piece of music, And you listen to it.You focus on it. And again, you rate it on a scale of one to ten, it's a nine and a half. And then, and then, for maximum effect, you take the two pieces together and play them. And what do you get? A nineteen and a half, right? Not a ten.Not even a five.It's noise.This is modern life for you.


我们进行各种活动，生活中有这么多美好的东西，但是又多过头了。这会怎样呢? 这常常会导致内疚 沮丧。
We have activities; we have so many wonderful things in our lives. But we have too many of them. And you know what that often does?It very often leads to guilt and frustration.
快乐健康且成功的人士,是如何达成这一切的?其中一种回答是聚焦工作、聚焦休整。则工作效率更高 质量更佳. 简化，宁缺毋滥。
What do people who are happy, healthy AND successful do? And one of the answers is- focus on work, focus on recovery.You'll get much more done and much better.
Simplifying- doing less, rather than more.


【第十五课】完美主义
Perfectionism


总的来说 这就是逐利者的生活，只关注从A点到达B点，然后轻松半个到一个月，然后...B点又变成了新的A点，然后就像一直不断向上爬的老鼠，你们必须现在就问自己，不现在问那还要等多久？你们必须现在就问自己'我到底想要什么样的生活'
However, in essence, this is the life of the rat racer-about getting from point A to point B and then feeling relief for two weeks or a month.And then getting...point B becomes point A. And again, like the rat running around on and on and on and on.And you need to ask yourselves now- because not now then when?You need to ask yourselves now,'what kind of life do I want for myself?'


'如果你称赞孩子的智力 当他们失败时。他们会认为自己不再聪明，然后失去对于眼前工作的兴趣；相反那些被称赞努力的孩子，在困难面前不会气馁，甚至更有动力。这两种方式造成了多么明显的不同，被称赞智力的人会产生这样的基模，要么我很聪明，要么我就不聪明，我很畏惧不聪明。
'When you praise kids' intelligence and then they fail, they think they're not smart anymore, and they lose interest in their work.In contrast, kids praised for effort show no impairment and often are energized in the face of difficulty.'
What a difference just based on these two approaches. Person who is praised for their intelligence creates this schema-either I'm intelligent or I'm not. And I'm afraid of not being intelligent.


【第十六课】灵药
Wonder Drug


心理成熟，就是根据自己的意愿转换角度的能力。这种转换角度的能力是什么？这就是我们希望沉浸在当下的一种能力，也正是我们退一步，时间和空间上都退一步。问这样的问题'它真的有影响吗？一年之后呢？或者更长远来看呢 它真的很重要吗' 同时随心所欲地回来，能够灵活地将思绪拉回来。
Psychological maturity is about the ability to willingly shift perspective. What is this ability to shift perspective? It's the ability when we want to be immersed in the here and now, in the present. And it's the ability to, when we want, take a step back, zoom out both in time and in space, and ask the question, 'is this really going to matter? Or in a year? Or in a grand schema of things, space? Is this really important?'And at the same time, go back almost at will. Have this flexibility to go back.
当今心理学的问题在于我们关注的大多是脖子以上，而真正发生在我们身上的问题都在脖子以下
The problem with psychology today is that our focus has mostly been neck up,


灵药就是半小时的锻炼，每周四次；鸡尾酒的第二个成分：至少十五分钟的意念锻炼，每周六到七次；鸡尾酒的第三个成分就是：每24小时睡8个小时；最后一个成分就是 每天12个拥抱，最后一个可以过量。
The wonder drug: 30 minutes of physical exercise,4 times a week. The second component of the cocktail: at least 15 minutes of mindful exercise 6 or 7 times a week. The third component of this cocktail with all these benefits: 8 hours of sleep more or less per 24 hours. And the final component of the cocktail: 12 hugs a day. The last one- you can overdose on.


【第十七课】冥想
Meditation


冥想基础都是深呼吸，就像婴儿呼吸一样。用腹部呼吸，把气一直吸进腹部，然后慢慢地轻轻地呼出来。深呼吸是很多冥想的基础，最后冥想没有好坏之分，从某个方面讲，冥想没有目的。
Usually most forms of meditation-the foundation is deep breathing. In a sense the way a baby breathes.Belly breathing- breathe all the way to your belly and then slowly, gently, gracefully breathing out. Deep breathing is usually the foundation-And finally, there is no good or bad meditation.Meditation in a sense doesn't have a purpose


【第十九课】被了解而非被认可
Being known rather than being validated


“怎样才能让恋情维系、美好下去？”方法一： 努力；方法二：被了解而非被认可；方法三：允许恋情中出现冲突。


'What makes relationships work?' The first one is about working hard.The second way and extremely important way of sustaining love is making that shift from desire to be validated to the desire to be known.The third point is about allowing for conflict in a relationship.


【第二十一课】自我概念就是命运
Self concept is destiny


自我概念就是命运，如果我相信自己，相信自己值得快乐，相信自己有能力，那么我成功的可能性更大。
Self concept is destiny. if I think of myself, believe in myself, believe that I'm worthy, that I'm capable of a lot, I will,I'm much more likely to succeed.


【第二十一课】Milgram的实验


这三层分别是依赖型自尊、独立型自尊和无条件型自尊。依赖型自尊，它有两个构成部分：首先，有高度依赖性自尊的人时刻需要他人的赞扬，不管是选择职业还是决定下午做什么这样的小事，都是根据他人的认同来做决定的。有依赖型自尊的人在能力感方面总是拿自己跟别人比较，我比他们好还是差? 比他们优秀还是不如他们?
And the three levels are dependent self-esteem, independent self-esteem and unconditional self-esteem. Dependent self-esteem - the two components of it, first of all, person with high dependence needs the accolades of others constantly, chooses whether it's a career path or what to do this afternoon based on how much approval that will gain him or her. Person with dependent self-esteem when it comes to competence always compares him or herself to others. Am I better or am I worse? Superior or inferior?


独立型自尊是一种取决于自我的自尊。这样的人在评价自己时用的是自己的意见，他们的能力感取决于自己认为自己进步了多少，改善了多少，觉得自己的潜力发挥了多少。这就是独立型自尊，并不取决于他人的言论或想法。
Independent self-esteem is self-esteem that's contingent on the self, in terms of how I evaluate myself that's my internal voice that's speaking. In terms of how my levels of competence are determined, it depends on how much I have improved, how much better I've got, how much I feel that I have fulfilled my potential. That's independent self-esteem, not contingent on what other people say or think.


无条件型自尊是最高层次的自尊，也就是Maslow所说的'自我实现'。David Schnarch所说的'分化良好型'，想被了解而不是被认可。无条件型自尊是指我们的自尊高到让我们对自己感觉很好，所以我们并不在乎别人怎么看自己，甚至不在乎自己怎么看自己。在比较方面，我们不会比较，我们是相互依存的。
Unconditional self-esteem is the highest level, the level that Maslow would talk about - 'the self-actualization' what David Schnarch talks about as 'differentiated' or at the level of being known rather than desiring to be validated. Unconditional self-esteem is when our self-esteem is high enough, we feel good enough about ourselves, not to be concerned with evaluations with others or even with self evaluations. In terms of comparison we don't compare; we are inter-dependent.


我们的现代生活也是这样，当然后果没有Milgram的实验那么可怕。而且在现代，即使我们服从权威，我们也没做什么不道德的事，但通常我们会伤害到自己。因为我们随波逐流遵从主流，我们做别人认为我们该做的事。我们做那把声音叫我们做的事，我们没有做自己想做的事。
And this is what happens to us in modern life, not with such dire consequences, potentially could have been with Milgram, and we are not doing immoral things as the cases with obedience to authority. But we are hurting ourselves very often, because we are running around and we are conforming and we are doing what they think we should do. We are doing what that voice or voices are telling us to do, we are not doing what we are meant to be doing.
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