38岁初读卡耐基
2012-03-08 08:24阅读：
HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE
PEOPLE
Part One
Fundamental Techniques in Handling
People
Principle 1:
Don't criticize, condemn or
complain.
Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive
and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is
dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his
sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
When dealing with people, let us remember we are
not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures
of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by
pride and vanity.
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain --
and most fools do.
But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and
forgiving.
Principle 2: Give honest and sincere
appreciation.
Dr. Dewey said that the deepest urge in human
nature is 'the desire to be important.'
William James said: 'The deepest principle in
human nature is the craving to be appreciated.'
... many people who go insane find in insanity a
feeling of importance that they were unable to achieve in the world
of reality.
Principle 3: Arouse in the other
person an eager want.
Harry A. Overstreet in his illuminating book
Influencing Human Behavior said, 'Action springs out of
what we fundamentally desire... and the best piece of advice which
can be given to would-be persuaders, whether in business, in the
home, in the school, in politics, is: First, arouse in the other
person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with
him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.'
'If there is any one secret of success,' said
Henry Ford, 'it lies in the ability to get the other person's point
of view and see things from that person's angel as well as your
own.'
Part Two
Six Ways to Make People Like
You
Principle 1: Become genuinely
interested in other people.
Principle 2:
Smile.
... Do not fear being misunderstood and do not
waste a minute thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in
your mind what you would like to do; and then, without veering off
direction, you will move straight to the goal. Keep your mind on
the great and splendid things you would like to do, and then, as
the days go gliding away, you will find yourself unconsciously
seizing upon the opportunities that are required for the
fulfillment of your desire, just as the coral insect takes from the
running tide the element it needs. Picture in your mind the able,
earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought you hold
is hourly transforming you into that particular incividual....
Thought is supreme. Preserve a right mental attitude -- the
attitude of courage, frankness, and good cheer. To think rightly is
to create. All things come through desire and every sincere prayer
is answered. We become like that on which our hearts are fixed.
Carry your chin in the crown of your head high. We are gods in the
chrysalis.
Principle 3: Remember that a
person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important
sound in any language.
Principle 4: Be a good listener.
Encourage others to talk about
themselves.
'... but I really know you love me because
whenever I want to talk to you about something you stop whatever
you are doing and listen to me.'
So If you aspire to be a good conversationalist,
be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask
questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them
to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
Principle 5: Talk in terms of the
other person's interests.
Principle 6: Make the other person
feel important - and do it sincerely.
The unvarnished truth is that almost all the
people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a
sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way
that you recognize their importance, and recognize it
sincerely.
Part Three
How to Win People to Your Way of
Thinking
Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an
argument is to avoid it.
Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with
each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is
absolutely right.
... a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by
tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the
other person's viewpoint.
Principle 2: Show respect for
the other person's opinions. Never say, 'You're
wrong.'
... don't argue wiht your customer or your spouse or your
adversary. Don't tell them they are wrong, don't get them stirred
up. Use a little diplomacy.
Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit
it quickly and emphatically.
Principle 4: Begin in a friendly
way.
The sun can make you take off your coat more
quickly than the wind; and kindliness, the friendly appraoch and
appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than
all the bluster and storming in the world.
Remember waht Lincoln said: 'A drop of honey
catches more flies than a gallon of gall.'
Principle 5: Get the other person
saying 'yes, Yes' immediately.
The skillful speaker gets, at the outset, a
number of 'Yes' responses. This sets the psychological process of
the listerners moving in the affirmative direction.
'He who treads softly goes far.'
Principle 6: Let the other person do
a great deal of the talking.
Letting the other person do the talking helps in
family situations as well as in business.
'... I had never listened to her. I was always
telling her to do this or that. When she wanted to tell me her
thoughts, feelings, ideas, I interrupted with more orders. I began
to realize that she needed me -- not as a bossy mother, but as a
confidante, an outlet for all her confusion about growing up. And
all I had been doing was talking when I should have been
listening....'
'If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if
you want friends, let your friends excel you.'
Principle 7: Let the other person
feel that the idea is his or hers.
He didn't care about credit. He wanted
results.
Principle 8: Try honestly to see
things from the other person's point of
view.
'I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a
person's office for two hours before an interview than step into
that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to
say and what that person -- from my knowledge of his or her
interests and motives -- was likely to answer.'
Principle 9: Be sympathetic with the
other person's ideas and desires.
Principle 10: Appeal to the nobler
motives.
Principle 11: Dramatize your
ideas.
Part Four
Be a Leader: How to Change People
without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
Principle 1: Begin with preaise and honest
appreciation.
Principle 2: Call attention to
people's mistakes indirectly.
Change the word 'but' to
'and':
'We're really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising
your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your
algebra, the results would have been better.'
'We're really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising
your grades this term, and by continuing the same
conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with
all the others.'
Principle 3: Talk about your own
mistakes before criticizing the other
person.
Principle 4: Ask questions instead
of giving direct orders.
Principle 5: Let the other person
save face.
Principle 6: Praise th eslightest
improvement and praise every improvement. Be 'hearty in your
approbation and lavish in your praise.'
Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom
under encouragement.
Principle 7: Give the other person a
fine reputation to live up to.
Principle 8: Use
encouragement.
