Penny脑中一个惊叹号追加一个省略号，然后在第一次发出了她自己都未意识到日后会常用的这个词：why？
Then
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Penny脑中一个惊叹号追加一个省略号，然后在第一次发出了她自己都未意识到日后会常用的这个词：why？
Then
.It
（Sheldon首次谈论本剧中的重要道具：他在客厅的专用座位。留下瞠目结舌的penny和觉得尴尬无比的Leonard。第二季，后来penny又有一次问他为什么非得坚持要坐那里，他回答是：如果将我的人生比作思维笛卡尔坐标系里的一个函数，在我第一次坐上那儿的时候，那个座位的坐标就是（0，0，0，0）。这里是我开始的地方blablabla~）
I
（当被人说是疯子的时候，冷静地事不关己般地答道=
sheldon:if
leonard:oh,
（押韵了押韵了~）
penny套近乎，说也很喜欢超人，特别喜欢超人在电影里救下高空坠落的女友的时候，Sheldon一击必杀了少女的幻想，大约是：即便我们假设超人能飞，Louis以加速度32英寸每2次方秒约120英里/时下落，如果超人钢铁样坚硬的手臂一托她人立马被切成均等三分。
Sheldon:Penny,I
（当他顿顿顿的时候虽然我料到了后句，但说出来之后依然让人觉得：很雷很经典。）
Penny：You
Sheldon：I
Penny：Doing
Sheldon：Examining
（听了这么长一段话，Penny竟然还不怕耳朵抗议地继续问道“那你17岁呢？”囧……）
well,at
（……让你的分子键全部断裂产生的每一个混沌微粒都痛哭流涕……听到的人绝对会很胸闷得无法对答……）
对一个唱歌难听到“如果猫会唱歌的话也会受不了的”女孩该如何说？
Sheldon“我会这么说，唱歌对你来说既不是一个合适的职业，也不是一个合适的副业。如果你不同意，我建议你去做一个X光断层扫描，看看是不是有肿瘤压迫到了你大脑的认知处理单元。”
曾经
当然
（在大学上课时候，面对一群20-25岁的大学生的一分钟演讲中的极度刺耳的一句-
WHAT?
把我的IQ值减去60，那种才是叫做SMART!!
几乎每集都要出现一次的场景，Sheldon神经质地审问Leonard是否正确购买了他要吃的食物。
Leonard:
Sheldon:
Leonard:
Sheldon:
Leonard:
Sheldon:
Leonard:
Sheldon:
Leonard:
Sheldon:
Leonard:
Sheldon:
Leonard:
Sheldon:
Leonard:
Sheldon:
Leonard:
Sheldon:
Leonard:
Leonard:
还一次则表现得巅峰状态到这样：
Sheldon：This
Raj：What
Sheldon：Turkey
Raj：What's
（看出区别了吗？=
（Sheldon首次谈论本剧中的重要道具：他在客厅的专用座位。留下瞠目结舌的penny和觉得尴尬无比的Leonard。第二季，后来penny又有一次问他为什么非得坚持要坐那里，他回答是：如果将我的人生比作思维笛卡尔坐标系里的一个函数，在我第一次坐上那儿的时候，那个座位的坐标就是（0，0，0，0）。这里是我开始的地方blablabla~）
I
（当被人说是疯子的时候，冷静地事不关己般地答道=
sheldon:if
leonard:oh,
（押韵了押韵了~）
penny套近乎，说也很喜欢超人，特别喜欢超人在电影里救下高空坠落的女友的时候，Sheldon一击必杀了少女的幻想，大约是：即便我们假设超人能飞，Louis以加速度32英寸每2次方秒约120英里/时下落，如果超人钢铁样坚硬的手臂一托她人立马被切成均等三分。
Sheldon:Penny,I
（当他顿顿顿的时候虽然我料到了后句，但说出来之后依然让人觉得：很雷很经典。）
Penny：You
Sheldon：I
Penny：Doing
Sheldon：Examining
（听了这么长一段话，Penny竟然还不怕耳朵抗议地继续问道“那你17岁呢？”囧……）
well,at
（……让你的分子键全部断裂产生的每一个混沌微粒都痛哭流涕……听到的人绝对会很胸闷得无法对答……）
对一个唱歌难听到“如果猫会唱歌的话也会受不了的”女孩该如何说？
Sheldon“我会这么说，唱歌对你来说既不是一个合适的职业，也不是一个合适的副业。如果你不同意，我建议你去做一个X光断层扫描，看看是不是有肿瘤压迫到了你大脑的认知处理单元。”
曾经
当然
（在大学上课时候，面对一群20-25岁的大学生的一分钟演讲中的极度刺耳的一句-
WHAT?
把我的IQ值减去60，那种才是叫做SMART!!
几乎每集都要出现一次的场景，Sheldon神经质地审问Leonard是否正确购买了他要吃的食物。
Leonard:
Sheldon:
Leonard:
Sheldon:
Leonard:
Sheldon:
Leonard:
Sheldon:
Leonard:
Sheldon:
Leonard:
Sheldon:
Leonard:
Sheldon:
Leonard:
Sheldon:
Leonard:
Sheldon:
Leonard:
Leonard:
还一次则表现得巅峰状态到这样：
Sheldon：This
Raj：What
Sheldon：Turkey
Raj：What's
（看出区别了吗？=
 “我还可以继续说下去，但我觉得你已经明白我想说的了。 能欣赏你大脑的工作真是十分荣幸啊~（讽刺）。 这种情况就是不知道大数定律的人常说的巧合吧。 如果那个该死的致死射线有用的话，就轮不到他们教训我了。 我说你是白痴，我想说是的，我错了，我不应该把它说出来。 这是一个烦人的失误。 那是一个挺尴尬的错误。 你正在跟西半球仅有的能跟得上你这思维的三人之一在说话。 不可能有人长得及漂亮，又擅长玩电子游戏。 你现在就笑吧，等你需要技术支持的时候再收拾你。 床头板总是放置在远离门的方向，在古代这对于保护人们不受野兽袭击十分重要。 我倾向于认为“我在促使他们进步”。 我自找的，谁叫我出现在你生命里，又那么可爱那么举足轻重呢！ 如果我发现你今晚也是一个人，所以如果在某个时候你感到无聊了，请千万不要来打扰我。 今天开始，一切都不讲理了。 想家也是一种病。 我的兴趣如此之好，以至于我觉得你英语的薄弱理解力在我看来都变得亲切和迷人了。 我宁愿让苍蝇在我耳朵产卵然后孵化。 互赠礼物的机制根本毫无意义，假设我出去了，然后为你花了50美元这纯粹是费力的活动我还得考虑你需要什么，然而只有你知道你需要什么。那么我可以把事情简化——直接给你那50美元，然后你会在我生日时候给我50美元，如此反复，直到我们中的一人死去，另一个老家伙就会比这个人富有50美元。我问你，这样有好处吗？ 你知道洞穴最有意思的是什么么？什么都不是。 什么是真的？什么不是？我怎么知道？ 互赠礼物的机制根本毫无意义，假设我出去了，然后为你花了50美元这纯粹是费力的活动我还得考虑你需要什么，然而只有你知道你需要什么。那么我可以把事情简化——直接给你那50美元，然后你会在我生日时候给我50美元，如此反复，直到我们中的一人死去，另一个老家伙就会比这个人富有50美元。我问你，这样有好处吗？ |
| Sheldon gets a lot of the best lines on The Big Bang Theory. We've compiled some of his most memorable quotes from Season 1 below. |
| Season 1, Episode 1 (Pilot) | Well, today we tried masturbating for money. |
| Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun’s apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality. | |
| You did not 'break up' with Joyce Kim. She defected to North Korea. | |
| Season 1, Episode 2 (The Big Bran Hypothesis) | Ah gravity, thou art a heartless bitch. |
| Explain to me an organizational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid. I'm just inferring that this is a couch, because the evidence suggests the coffee table is having a tiny garage sale. | |
| I am truly sorry for what happened last night. I take full responsibility and I hope it won’t color your opinion of Leonard, who is not only a wonderful guy but also, I hear, a gentle and thorough lover. | |
| Season 1, Episode 3 (The Fuzzy Boots Corollary) | At least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so that you don't crash into geek mountain again. |
| I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble Telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker. | |
| There's always the possibility that alcohol and poor judgment on her part might lead to a nice romantic evening. | |
| Season 1, Episode 4 (The Luminous Fish Effect) | There wouldn't have been any ass kickings if that stupid death ray had worked. |
| Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I insult you? Is your body mass somehow tied into your self
worth? |
|
| Season 1, Episode 5 (The Hamburger Postulate) | Do you realize I may have to share a Nobel Prize with your booty call? |
| Of course I'm listening. Blah blah, hopeless Penny delusion, blah blah blah. | |
| Season 1, Episode 6 (The Middle Earth Paradigm) | I'm the Doppler Effect! |
| Given the reaction to my costume, this party is a scathing indictment of the American educational system. | |
| When people are upset, the cultural convention is to bring them hot beverages. | |
| Season 1, Episode 7 (The Dumpling Paradox) | I'll watch the last 24 minutes of Doctor Who, although at this point it's more like Doctor Why Bother. |
| No, I’m going to ask him to choose between sex and Halo 3. As far as I know, sex has not been upgraded to include high-def graphics and enhanced weapon systems. | |
| Season 1, Episode 8 (The Grasshopper Experiment) | Damn you, Walletnook.com. |
| I understand, but it was between you and the Museum of Natural History, and frankly, you don't have dinosaurs. | |
| Season 1, Episode 9 (The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization) | Forget your suit. Look at my arms flailing. I'm like a flamingo on Ritalin. |
| Well, there's always the possibility that a trash can spontaneously formed around the letter, but Occam's Razor would suggest that someone threw it out. | |
| Season 1, Episode 10 (The Loobenfeld Decay) | I don’t guess. As a scientist I reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation. Although, as I’m saying this, it occurs to me that you may have been employing a rhetorical device, rendering my response moot. |
| Artificial intelligences do not have teen fetishes. | |
| I don't know...
but if cats could sing, they'd hate it too. |
|
| Season 1, Episode 11 (The Pancake Batter Anomaly) | We have no idea what pathogen Typhoid Penny’s introduced into our environment. And having never been to Nebraska I’m relatively certain that I have no Corn Husking antibodies. |
| Obviously you're not well-suited for three-dimensional chess. Perhaps three-dimensional Candyland would be your speed. | |
| Season 1, Episode 12 (The Jerusalem Duality) | While Mr. Kim, by virtue of youth and naiveté, has fallen prey to the inexplicable need for human contact, let me step in and assure you that my research will go on uninterrupted, and that social relationships will continue to baffle and repulse me. |
| Engineering: where the noble semi-skilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello, Ooompa-Loompas of science. | |
| Season 1, Episode 13 (The Bat Jar Conjecture) | Yes, well, I’m polymerized tree sap and you’re an inorganic adhesive, so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns to its original trajectory and adheres to you. |
| Would you ask Picasso to play Pictionary? Would you ask Noah Webster to play Boggle? Would you ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish? | |
| At this point I should inform you that I intend to form my own team and destroy the molecular bonds that bind your very matter together and reduce the resulting particular chaos to tears. | |
| One more thing. It’s on, bitch. | |
| Season 1, Episode 14 (The Nerdvana Annihilation) | Dibs does not apply in a bidding war. |
| In a Venn diagram, that would be an individual located at the intersection of the sets “no longer want my Time Machine” and “need 800 dollars”. | |
| It only moves in time. It would be worse than useless in a swamp. | |
| I disagree. Your inability to successfully woo Penny long predates your acquisition of the time machine. That failure clearly stands on its own. | |
| Season 1, Episode 15 (The Shiksa Indeterminacy) | They were not “friends”. They were imaginary colleagues. |
| Season 1, Episode 16 (The Peanut Reaction) | What twelve year old boy wants a motorized dirt bike? |
| What computer do you have? And please don't say 'a white one.' | |
| Season 1, Episode 17 (The Tangerine Factor) | Actually, I thought the first two renditions were far more compelling. Previously, I felt sympathy for the Leonard character. Now I just find him to be whiny and annoying. |
| Oxen are in my
bed! |
| Sheldon gets a lot of the
best lines on The Big Bang Theory. We've compiled some of his most
memorable quotes from Season 2 below. |
| Season 2, Episode 1 (The Bad Fish Paradigm) | I've got more nervous ticks than a Lyme Disease research facility. |
| Mom smokes in the car. Jesus is okay with it, but we can't tell Dad. | |
| I drank milk that tasted funny. | |
| Season 2, Episode 2 (The Codpiece Topology) | Notify the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary: the word 'plenty' has been redefined to mean 'two.' |
| If you're having trouble deciding where to sit, may I suggest One Potato, Two Potato -- or as I call it, the Leslie Winkle experimental methodology. | |
| You'd hit particulate soil in a colloidal suspension. Mud. | |
| You know, it’s amazing how many supervillains have advanced degrees. Graduate schools should probably do a better job at screening those people out. | |
| Season 2, Episode 3 (The Barbarian Sublimation) | I can't wear different pajamas. These are my Monday pajamas. |
| These Hungarians -- they're just using you for dragon fodder. | |
| Leonard, you have to do something about Penny. She's interfering with my sleep, she's interfering with my work... and if I had another significant aspect of my life, I'm sure she'd be interfering with that too. | |
| Season 2, Episode 4 (The Griffin Equivalency) | I wanted a griffin... I was studying recombinant DNA technology and I was confident I could create one, but my parents were unwilling to secure the necessary eagle eggs and lion semen. Of course my sister got swimming lessons when she wanted them. |
| I'm not insane -- my mother had me tested. | |
| Hot air blowers are incubators and spewers of bacteria and pestilence. Frankly it'd be more hygenic if they just had a plague-infested gibbon sneeze my hands dry. | |
| A tremendous accomplishment would be if the planetary body he discovered were plummeting toward Earth and he exploded it with his mind. | |
| Season 2, Episode 5 (The Euclid Alternative) | I bought these Star Wars sheets but they turned out to be much too stimulating to be compatible with a good night's sleep. I don't like the way Darth Vader stares at me. |
| I'm clearly too evolved for driving. | |
| Season 2, Episode 6 (The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem) | Looking out at your fresh young faces, I remember when I, too, was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was fourteen. And I had already achieved more than most of you could ever hope to, despite my 9:00 bedtime. Now, there may be one or two of you in this room who has what it takes to succeed in theoretical physics, although it's more likely that you'll spend your scientific careers teaching fifth graders how to make papier-mâché volcanoes with baking soda lava. |
| I never eat in strange restaurants. One runs the risk of non-standard cutlery.... Three tines is not a fork. Three tines is a trident. Forks are for eating, tridents are for ruling the Seven Seas. | |
| Apparently I'm in some kind of relationship and you seem to be an expert at ending them.... I see man after man leaving this apartment, never to return. | |
| Season 2, Episode 7 (The Panty Pinata Polarization) | I trusted you with my email address and you betrayed that trust by sending me Internet banalities -- Strike One. Touching my food -- Strike Two. |
| Greetings, Hamburger Toucher. You are probably wondering why you cannot IM with your little friends about how much you 'heart' various things. | |
| I really don't think this is the kind of thing Jesus concerns himself with. | |
| Season 2, Episode 8 (The Lizard-Spock Expansion) | Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock. It's very simple. Look -- scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors. |
| I'm sorry, but I'm not going to watch the Clone Wars TV series until I've seen the Clone Wars movie. I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended. | |
| I believe the appropriate metaphor here involves a river of excrement and a Native American water vessel without any means of propulsion. | |
| Season 2, Episode 9 (The White Asparagus Triangulation) | Just for the record, my efforts to establish you as the alpha male were not aided by you bursting into tears. |
| Radiation burns -- a little mishap while I was building my own CAT scanner.... In fact, I was briefly able to see the inside of my sister's guinea pig, Snowball, before he caught fire. It led to an interesting expression in our house: 'not a snowball's chance in a CAT scanner.' | |
| When I come back, just for fun, the subject will be alternative history. Specifically, how would the Civil War have gone differently if Lincoln had been a robot sent from the future. | |
| Season 2, Episode 10 (The Vartabedian Conundrum) | It's not enough that she mocks me, but that isn't even the correct procedure for a cootie shot. |
| Good morning, Dr. Stephanie. I trust Leonard satisfied you sexually last night? | |
| Can I at least
have the upper GI? I already drank the barium! |
|
| Season 2, Episode 11 (The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis) | Your argument is lacking in all scientific merit. Now, it is well established Superman cleans his uniform by flying into Earth's yellow sun, which incinerates any contaminant matter and leaves the invulnerable Kryptonian fabric unharmed and daisy-fresh. |
| The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented by the gift you've given me. It's no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year. | |
| I possess the DNA of Leonard Nimoy? Do you realize what this means? All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy! | |
| Season 2, Episode 12 (The Killer Robot Instability) | This is trash talk. Trash talk is a traditional component in all sporting events. Kripke, your robot is inferior and it will be defeated by ours, because ours exceeds yours in both design and execution. Also, I'm given to understand that your mother is overweight. |
| We don't need Wolowitz. Engineering is merely the slow younger brother of physics. Watch and learn... do either of you know how to open the toolbox? | |
| Season 2, Episode 13 (The Friendship Algorithm) | You know, I am a fan of ventriloquism. Maybe you, me and your dummy could go get a hot beverage. He could talk while you drink. |
| What part of an inverse tangent function approaching an asymptote don't you understand? | |
| Maintaining five friendships promises to be a Herculean task, so I'm going to have to let one of you go. | |
| Season 2, Episode 14 (The Financial Permeability) | They have Twizzlers instead of Red Vines. No amount of lumbar support can compensate for that. |
| I see no large upcoming expenditures, unless they develop an affordable technology to fuse my skeleton with Adamantium like Wolverine. | |
| I was wrong.
Minstrels will write songs about you. There once was a brave
lad named Leonard with a fie fie fiddle dee dee. He faced a fearsome giant while Raj just wanted to pee. |
|
| Season 2, Episode 15 (The Maternal Capacitance) | Your mother is brilliant, analytical, insightful -- and I'm betting she never hit you with a Bible because you wouldn't eat your brussels sprouts. |
| You were lucky. When I was a kid, if I wanted an EEG, I had to attach my own electrodes. | |
| In bladder voiding, as in real estate, it's location, location, location. | |
| Season 2, Episode 16 (The Cushion Saturation) | That is my spot. In an ever-changing world it is a simple point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function in a four-dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, that spot, at the moment I first sat on it, would be 0000. |
| Excuse me, but the problem is not solved. If your head had been accidentally amputated and we transplanted a dog's head in its place, would that be 'problem solved'? | |
| Focus is important. Was Michael DeBakey a wedding planner in between heart transplants? Did Alexander Fleming moonlight as a hairdresser? 'Thanks for discovering penicillin -- now how about we try a bouffant?' | |
| Season 2, Episode 17 (The Terminator Decoupling) | I understand your envy. This is a can't-miss symposium. There are going to be discussions on bio-organic cellular computer devices, the advancements in multi-threaded task completion, plus a roundtable on the Non-Equilibrium Green's Function approach to the photoionization process in atoms. |
| On this side, you'll see panoramic ocean vistas inaccessible to any other form of transportation, while on your side, you'll be treated to 350 miles of Costcos, Jiffy Lubes and cinderblock homes with above-ground pools. | |
| No one calls me 'Moonpie' but Mee-Maw. | |
| Season 2, Episode 18 (The Work Song Nanocluster) | Penny, everything is better with Bluetooth. |
| Excuse me, but was this not your goal? Financial independence through entrepreneurial brilliance and innovation -- my brilliance and innovation, of course, but still. | |
| Sorry, coffee's out of the question. When I moved to California, I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs. | |
| Season 2, Episode 19 (The Dead Hooker Juxtaposition) | No, it's not going to be fine. Change is never fine. They say it is, but it's not. |
| I never met them. That's what made them perfect. There were no awkward hellos in the hall, there was no clickety-clacking of high-heeled shoes on hardwood floors. They may as well have been a family of cats, just jumping around from drape to drape. Without that annoying ammonia-urine smell. | |
| Hold on, you honestly expect me to believe that social protocol dictates we break our backs helping Wolowitz move, and in return, he only need buy us a pizza? | |
| Listen to that! Stomp, stomp, stomp. It's Wolowitz and his stacked heels that fool no one. | |
| Season 2, Episode 20 (The Hofstadter Isotope) | Rut? I think you mean consistency. And if we're going to abandon that, then why even call it Thursday? Let's call it 'Quonko Day' and divide it into 29 hours of 17 minutes apiece, and celebrate it by sacrificing a goat to the mighty god Ra. |
| Just pick out anything? Maybe at the same time we can pick out a new suit for him without knowing his size, or pick out his career for him without knowing his aptitude, or pick out his breakfast cereal without knowing his fiber requirements, or his feelings about little marshmallows. | |
| More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation. | |
| Season 2, Episode 21 (The Vegas Renormalization) | That's preposterous! I do not resemble C-3PO. Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered, I just don't see it. |
| What exactly does that expression mean, 'friends with benefits'? Does he provide her with health insurance? | |
| You know, I'm given to understand that there's an entire city in Nevada designed specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems. They can replace them with new problems, like alcoholism, gambling addiction and sexually transmitted diseases. | |
| I'm curious about the whole social construct. On its face, the idea of satisfying one's sexual appetite -- assuming one is afflicted with such -- without emotional entanglement seems eminently practical. What I've observed, however, is Howard Wolowitz crying like a little girl. | |
| Okay, I'm sleepy now, get out. | |
| Season 2, Episode 22 (The Classified Materials Turbulance) | Smell that? That's the smell of new comic books. Oh, yes! |
| You have to check your messages, Leonard. The leaving of a message is one half of a social construct, which is completed by the checking of the message. If that contract breaks down, then all social contracts break down, and we descend into anarchy. | |
| You know, I have to say I thought the toilet humor would get less funny with repetition. Apparently there is no law of diminishing comedic return when it comes to space poop. | |
| For what it's worth, my mother says that when we deceive for personal gain, we make Jesus cry. | |
| Season 2, Episode 23 (The Monopolar Expedition) | Perhaps you mean a different thing than I do when you say 'science.' |
| Must be an emergency. Everyone at the university knows I eat my breakfast at 8 and move my bowels at 8:20. | |
| That's fourteen hours away. For the next 840 minutes, I'm effectively one of Heisenberg's particles. I know where I am, I know how fast I'm going, but I can't know both. | |
| I want a
cookie, Mee- |
| Sheldon gets a lot of the best lines on The Big Bang Theory. We've compiled some of his most memorable quotes from Season 3 below. |
| Season 3, Episode 1 (The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation) | No, Mother, I cannot feel your church group praying for my safety. The fact that I’m home safe does not prove that it worked. That logic is post hoc ergo propter hoc. No, I’m not sassing you in Eskimo talk. |
| Hello, Penny. I realize you’re currently at the mercy of your primitive biological urges, but as you have an entire lifetime of poor decisions ahead of you, may I interrupt this one? | |
| You think you’re so clever. Well, let me just tell you, while I do not currently have a scathing retort, you check your email periodically for a doozy. | |
| They were threatened by my intelligence and too stupid to know that’s why they hated me. | |
| I’ll spend the rest of my life here in Texas, trying to teach evolution to creationists. | |
| Season 3, Episode 2 (The Jiminy Conjecture) | I’m not crazy. My mother had me tested. |
| Oh, ho, a clever, albeit obsolete, euphemism for insufficient blood flow to the male sex organ. | |
| Well, I grew up with an older brother and a very contentious twin sister, and I believe I can easily best you in any physical confrontation, be it noogies, swirlies or the classic Why Are You Hitting Yourself?. | |
| Season 3, Episode 3 (The Gothowitz Deviation) | Penny, while I subscribe to the Many Worlds Theory, which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes, I assure you that in none of them am I dancing. |
| I can’t be impossible – I exist! I believe what you meant to say is – ‘I give up, he’s improbable’. | |
| Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto this? | |
| Season 3, Episode 4 (The Pirate Solution) | Yes, since their relationship became carnal, Penny has upgraded his designated term of endearment, thus distinguishing him from those she calls sweetie, usually in an attempt to soften a thinly veiled insult. |
| Another reason to consider a life of piracy. Even today, I understand that’s an all-male profession. | |
| There is a fine line between wrong and visionary. Unfortunately you have to be a visionary to see it. | |
| Season 3, Episode 5 (The Creepy Candy Coating) | Photographic is a misnomer. I have an eidetic memory as I’ve told you many times, most recently last year at lunch on the afternoon of May 7th. You had turkey and complained it was dry. |
| It might also interest you to know that Wil Wheaton currently ranks sixth on my All-Time Enemies list, between director Joel Schumacher, who nearly destroyed the Batman movie franchise, and Billy Sparks, who lived down the street from me and put dog poop on the handles of my bicycle. | |
| In the words of Khan Noonien Singh in the immortal Wrath of Khan, 'He tasks me, he tasks me and I shall have him. From Hell's heart I stab at thee!' | |
| Silence! How much longer must I wait for my revenge? | |
| So my path to satisfaction is blocked by Lonely Larry and Captain Sweatpants? Very well, they must be destroyed! | |
| Wheaton! Wheaton! Wheattooonnnn!!! | |
| Season 3, Episode 6 (The Cornhusker Vortex) | Actually, the risk of throat cutting is very low. On the other hand, severe string burn is a real and ever-present danger. |
| If you’re interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn’t chicken as if it were chicken. | |
| I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas. There’s pro football, college football, high school football, pee wee football, in fact every form of football, except the original, European football. Most believe it to be a commie plot. | |
| If you’d like, after the game I’ll take you outside and teach you how to shoot close enough to a raccoon that it craps itself. | |
| It seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through for intercourse. Don’t you have access to women that will do it for money? | |
| Season 3, Episode 7 (The Guitarist Amplification) | You accidently stare at a helium-argon laser, lose one turn and a retina. |
| Stop it! Both of you! All this fighting. I might as well be back with my parents. 'Damn it, George, I told you if you didn’t stop drinking I’d leave you!' 'W’all I guess that makes you a liar cause I’m drunk as hell and you’re still here.' 'Stop yelling, you’re making Sheldon cry!' 'I’ll tell you what’s making Sheldon cry, that I let you name him Sheldon.' | |
| I’ve heard that before. Then the next thing you know, I’m hiding in my bedroom blaring a Richard Feynman lecture while my Mom is shouting that Jesus would forgive her if she put ground glass in my Dad’s meatloaf. And my Dad’s on the roof skeet shooting her Franklin Mint collectible plates. | |
| Season 3, Episode 8 (The Adhesive Duck Deficiency) | You keep in mind that my sharply worded comments on Yelp.com recently took down a muffin store. |
| Mister Spock did not pilot the Enterprise. He was a Science officer. And I guarantee you if he ever saw the Enterprise’s check engine light blinking, he would pull the ship over immediately. | |
| According to the inexplicably irritable nurse behind the desk, you’ll be seen after the man who claims to be having a heart attack, but appears to be well enough to play Doodle Jump on his iPhone. | |
| Now remember, you were given powerful pain medications and a muscle relaxer. So, uh, don’t operate heavy machinery. And try not to choke on your own drool. | |
| Season 3, Episode 9 (The Vengeance Formulation) | Why are you such a stupidhead? That is also rhetorical. Sorry you had to hear that. |
| Biologically speaking, Howard is perfectly justified in seeking out the optimum mate for the propagation of his genetic line, and if that propagation is in the interest of humanity is, of course, an entirely different question. | |
| I never admit defeat. However, on an unrelated topic, I’m never getting off this bed again. | |
| Season 3, Episode 10 (The Gorilla Experiment | That’s a false equivalency. More does not equal merry. If there were two thousand people in this apartment right now, would be we celebrating? No! We’d be suffocating! |
| Research Journal, Entry One. I’m about to embark on one of the great challenges of my scientific career – teaching Penny physics. I’m calling it Project Gorilla. | |
| Here. That’s
college ruled. I hope that’s not too intimidating. |
|
| Season 3, Episode 11 (The Maternal Congruence) | Oh, on the contrary. I found the Grinch to be a relatable, engaging character, and I was really with him. Right up to the point that he succumbed to social convention and returned the presents and saved Christmas... what a buzz kill. |
| Jesus, on the other hand, was actually born in the summer. His birthday was moved to coincide with the traditional pagan holiday that celebrated the winter solstice with lit fires and slaughtered goats, which, frankly, sounds like more fun than twelve hours of church with my mother followed by fruitcake. | |
| What I want is to be departing the Starship Enterprise in a one man shuttlecraft, headed to the planetoid I rule known as Sheldon Alpha Five. | |
| Season 3, Episode 12 (The Psychic Vortex) | If outside is so good, why has mankind spent thousands of years trying to perfect inside? |
| I don’t say anything. I merely offer you a facial expression that suggests you’ve gone insane. | |
| Hulk agree to second date with puny humans! | |
| Season 3, Episode 13 (The Bozeman Reaction) | You know, the more I think about it, the Mobster Sauce couldn’t possibly contain chunks of mobster. It was listed under Seafood. |
| I’ve seen the underbelly of Pasadena, this so-called City of Roses and it haunts me. Ah, the injustice. I lie here awake, tormented, while out there evil lurks. Probably playing Donkey Kong on my Classic Nintendo. | |
| My new computer came with Windows 7. Windows 7 is much more user friendly than Windows Vista. I don’t like that. | |
| Season 3, Episode 14 (The Einstein Approximation) | I don’t need sleep, I need answers. I need to determine where, in this swamp of unbalanced formulas, squatteth the toad of truth. |
| Don’t be absurd, that’s in Washington. You know I can’t live in a city laid out in a hub and spoke pattern. | |
| I asked myself, what is the most mind-numbing, pedestrian job conceivable and three answers came to mind: Toll booth attendant, Apple Store Genius and what Penny does. Now, since I don’t like touching other people’s coins, and I refuse to contribute to the devaluation of the word Genius – here I am. | |
| Season 3, Episode 15 (The Large Hadron Collision) | There’s an economic concept known as a Positional Good in which an object is only valued by the possessor because its not possessed by others. The term was coined in 1976 by economist Fred Hirsch to replace the more colloquial but less precise ‘neener-neener’. |
| Help me out. Which ski cap says après-super-collider? | |
| I’ve lived up to my commitments under the agreement. At least once a day I ask how you are, even though I simply don’t care. I no longer stage spontaneous biohazard drills after 10 pm, and I abandoned my goal to master Tuvan throat singing. | |
| Since I rarely hug, I’m relying on your expertise as to the duration. | |
| Season 3, Episode 16 (The Excelsior Acquisition) | Oh, I don’t want to know that! How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee the scientific foundation for interstellar flight on a silver surfboard when part of my brain will be scanning his face for signs of a contagious skin disease? |
| I don’t trust banks. I believe that when the robots rise up, ATM’s will lead the charge. | |
| I would point out that I am at the top of my profession, while you preside over the kiddy table of yours. | |
| You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee and gotten autographed comics, but I saw the inside of his house and got an autographed application for a restraining order. | |
| Season 3, Episode 17 (The Precious Fragmentation) | Technically, magic beans would be food. Although eating them would be quite a waste since you plant them and overnight have a giant beanstalk, which would provide enough roughage for a small city. |
| I have a twin sister whose assaults begin in utero. If only I’d had the presence of mind to reabsorb her then I’d have a mole with hair on it instead of a tedious yearly Christmas letter. | |
| I have no illusions about my mother, She’s a kind, loving, religiously fanatical, right wing Texan, with a slightly out of scale head and a mild Dr. Pepper addiction. | |
| Season 3, Episode 18 (The Pants Alternative) | I’m the William Shatner of theoretical physics. |
| Oh, no. A Godzilla-like monster is approaching the city. I have to get my people to safety. “People of Sheldonopolis, this is your mayor. Follow me. If the children can’t run, leave them behind!” Oh, the simulated horror! | |
| If it will help
speed things along my answers to the standard Rorschach ink blot
tests are: A – a bat. B – a bat. C – a bat. And D – my father
killing my mother with a hypodermic needle. |
|
| For the astronomers in the audience, get ready to see the dark side of the moon. And here’s Uranus! | |
| Season 3, Episode 19 (The Wheaton Recurrence) | You're ignoring the square-cube law. The giant ant would be crushed under the weight of its own exoskeleton. And for the record, the appropriate ranking of cool modes of transportation is jet pack, hoverboard, transporter, batmobile, and then giant ant. |
| Well, well, well. If it isn't Wil Wheaton. The Green Goblin to my Spiderman. The Pope Paul V to my Galileo. The Internet Explorer to my Firefox. | |
| I don't know if Stewart told you what you're up against tonight, but before you stands the co-captain of the East Texas Christian Youth Holy Roller Bowling League championship team. Seven- to twelve-year-old division. | |
| A common spare. The Miss Congeniality of the bowling pageant. | |
| Season 3, Episode 20 (The Spaghetti Catalyst) | Oh, yes, it was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life. I'd hate for that effort to be in vain. |
| My existence is a continuum, so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period. | |
| That's the sauce my mother uses. She likes cooking Italian because according to her, that's what the Romans made Jesus eat. | |
| We had dinner last night. She made me spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in it. Well, little hot dog. I gave up the other five hot dogs to a real dog. A real big dog. A hell hound. Tangential to the primary story, how about I circle back to it? | |
| Season 3, Episode 21 (The Plimpton Stimulation) | Now, listen. On the of the great minds of the 21st century is about to play host to one of the other great minds of the 21st century. So pay attention: years from now my biographer might ask you about this event. |
| I apologize. He's only an experimental physicist. | |
| She's my guest. If anyone should offer her anything, it should be me. Elizabeth, can I get you something? Perhaps a feminine hygiene product, or a bowel regulating yogurt? | |
| Oh, Penny. This is Dr. Plimpton, a leading expert on quantum cosmology. Dr. Plimpton, Penny is a waitress who doesn't understand the role gasoline plays in an internal combustion engine. | |
| Season 3, Episode 22 (The Staircase Implementation) | Roommates agree that Friday nights will be reserved for watching Joss Whedon's brilliant new series, Firefly. |
| The apartment flag is gold lion rampant on a field of azure. | |
| I'm here because you violated our roommate agreement, specifically Section Eight, 'Visitors', sub-section C, 'Females', Paragraph 4, 'Coitus'. Roommates shall give each other twelve hours' notice of impending coitus. | |
| I assure you, you'll be sorry you wasted your money on an iPod, when Microsoft comes out with theirs. | |
| Season 3, Episode 23 (The Lunar Excitation) | Yes, in 1917, when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper 'Zur Quantentheorie der Strahlung,' his fondest hope was that the resulting device be 'bitchin'.' |
| When one gets beaten up every other day in school, one of necessity develops a keen sense of hearing. Incidentally, one can get beaten up in school simply by referring to oneself as 'one.' | |
| It’s a time of day I invented. It better defines the ambiguous period between afternoon and evening: prevening. Fairly certain it will catch on, as it fills a desperate need. | |
| In a few minutes, when I gloat over the failure of this enterprise, how would you prefer I do it? The standard 'I told you so' with a classic 'neener-neener'? Or just my normal look of haughty derision? |
| Sheldon gets a lot of the
best lines on The Big Bang Theory. We've compiled some of his most
memorable quotes from Season 4 |