打破一成不变循环，“人到中年”也不晚
2024-08-27 10:50阅读：
50岁生日那天上午，我在深及小腿的泥泞中行进，在带刺的铁丝网底下匍匐，爬上一条距地面17英尺（约合5米）的绳子，在一片高低起伏的湿滑地带上下拖动40磅（约合18千克）重的沙袋。有时我会被黄蜂蜇到。我还投出了一把长矛。
亲朋好友大概没有想到我会以“斯巴达勇士赛”的方式庆祝自己年过半百。5年前，我是一个久坐不动的文职人员，一个长时间面对屏幕的记者。但是，某次酒会上的偶遇让我打破了“一成不变”的循环。
通过不同方式挑战身心
这是我在新书《并不太晚：在任何年龄挑战极限的力量》中讲的故事，书中讲述了我自己转变的故事。它也是一部有科学依据的手册，帮助尤其是在中年阶段的人群，通过意想不到的方式挑战身心。
我在40多岁的时候，周一转眼变成周五，每天面对同样的事务、工作、餐馆、社交平台推送、对话和家庭责任。我重复着同样的坐姿，面对相同的屏幕。这种“一成不变”的循环似乎难以打破，即使我意识到人生还有未被挖掘的潜力。
45岁生日前夕，我在一次晚宴上无意中听到一个喝了不少杜松子酒的年长男人问一个小孩：“你长大后想做什么？”
这个问题给我的内心留下了沉重一击——到了中年，没人再这样问我，我也不会这样问自己。我已经做了很多，当然，还有很多没做。
第二天早上，在谷歌上一通慌乱而漫无目的搜索后，“你能做的最难的事情是什么”这个问题最终引导我发现了“斯巴达勇士赛”。这项比赛结合了耐力越野跑和障碍挑战，我在这方面恰好没有经验。作为身材瘦高、从小到大永远被运动队最后一个挑选的孩子，我总是渴望运动带给我的某些东西。
现在开始为时太晚吗？
一晃八年过去。如今我已经参加了52场全国各地和两场世界级斯巴达勇士赛，其中一场在中东广袤的沙漠上举行。我曾是最后一个抵达终
点的人，如今却时常在50-54岁的年龄组中登上领奖台。
这一路走来并不顺利。惰性的力量很强。我花了一段时间才弄清生活中哪些是非必要事项，然后将其清除，为新事物腾出空间。健康挑战、工作麻烦、人到中年的种种义务，都是我必须面对的障碍。我现有的各种才能帮不上新爱好多大忙，我不得不坦然面对那些令我不舒服的情绪。
我现在更健康吗？我肯定比30多岁的时候强壮。经过实验室检测，我的身体在许多关键指标（骨密度、体脂、肺活量）上，在同龄人中处于非常健康的水平。
我更快乐吗？在工作日，上班前我会沿着林间小道和鹿一起奔跑。周六在后院，我会用临时搭的干草堆练习投掷长矛。我的朋友里有精英运动员。我阅读有关耐力和呼吸技巧的书籍。我在赛跑途中见到一些地方，那是我活了半个世纪都没见过的。
突破固化思维重启生活
1.找到你的“生存意志”。耶鲁大学流行病学教授贝卡·利维发现，对衰老持积极态度的人比持消极态度者平均多活7.5岁。
利维通过多项研究发现，积极面对衰老的老年人身体和认知功能更好，从重度失能中恢复过来的可能性更大，他们的记忆更好、走得更快、活得也更长久。积极态度的核心是“生存意志”，这包含有挑战性、激励人的业余爱好。
2.不断问自己：有什么你一直想尝试，却因担心年纪太大而做不了的挑战？我采访了一名80多岁的密苏里州女性，她看到儿子参加障碍赛跑后，自己也挑战了一次障碍赛跑。她先是得到医生的许可，然后去健身房锻炼3个月以增强体力。
3.不要认为自己的能力固定不变。斯坦福大学知名心理学家卡罗尔·德韦克说，在心态中加上“暂且”这个词或许有帮助。换言之，要这么想，“我不是艺术家、钢琴家、冲浪者、跑步者、企业家……只是‘暂且’不是”。
4.不怕出丑。我们身处在一种颂扬成功和即时满足的文化中，我们的社交平台充斥着滤镜美化后的胜利画面。随着年龄增长，我们倾向于避免表现出愚蠢或无知的样子，不仅是在职场，连个人业余爱好也是如此。“尊严”一词悄然进入我们的词典。
但正如我亲身发现的，学习某种困难的新事物意味着要放弃“主控开关”。就像希腊哲学家爱比克泰德说的：“如果你想提高自己，就要安于被别人视为愚蠢。”
5.定义你的“庄稼”。我曾一度很难挤出时间投身自己的新爱好，直到有一天，我在北卡罗来纳州海边开车时停下来回一条短信，看到一个农民专注地在开拖拉机，才突然醒悟过来。我意识到，他不是在照片墙（Instagram）上滑动手指，也没在做其他事情，而是专注眼前的工作。如果不专注，他的庄稼就会死。
这使我开始清除那些浪费时间的东西，无论大小，因为它们不能养育我的“庄稼”——我把“庄稼”定义为家庭、健康、工作和障碍赛跑。说“不”一开始很难，但随着时间推移，会变得越来越容易。
我没有回头。
How to break the cycle of 'sameness' and push yourself in
midlife
A writer explores how it's never too late to take on new
challenges.
by Gwendolyn Bounds
By midmorning on my 50th birthday, I was calf deep in mud, crawling
under barbed wire, climbing a 17-foot rope and hauling a 40-pound
sandbag up and down undulating, slippery terrain. At some point, I
got stung by wasps, and I also threw a spear.
This was not how family and friends would have predicted my
half-century celebration would unfold. Five years prior, I’d been a
sedentary desk jockey — a journalist clocking long hours sitting in
front of her screens. But a chance encounter at a boozy dinner
party broke me out of a cycle of sameness.
What are the hardest things you can do?
This is the story I tell in my new book, “Not Too Late: The Power
of Pushing Limits at Any Age.” It’s both the story of my own
evolution and a scientifically backed guidebook for others to
challenge their bodies and minds in unexpected ways — particularly
in midlife.
In my mid-40s, Monday quickly became Friday with the same chores,
work routines, restaurants, social media feeds, conversations and
family responsibilities. Same sitting. Same screens. And the
sameness felt unstoppable even as I sensed there was something left
sitting in my proverbial tank.
Just before my 45th birthday I overheard an older man, well into
his gin, ask a young girl at a dinner party: “What do you want to
be when you grow up?”
It hit me hard — in middle age, nobody was asking me that anymore.
And I wasn’t asking myself. Certainly, there were many things I
already was. But there also were so many I wasn’t.
A panicked and unfocused Google search the next morning — “What are
the hardest things you can do?” — ultimately landed me on something
called a Spartan Race. Combining endurance cross-country running
with military-style obstacles, it played to exactly zero of my
competencies. Still, as a gangly, last-picked kid for sports teams
growing up, I’d always craved something I believed athletics could
bring me.
Was it too late?
Flash forward eight years. Today I’ve competed in 52 races around
the country and two Spartan Race world championships, including one
in the vast desert of the Middle East. Once a back-of-the-pack
finisher, I now regularly make the podium in my 50-54 age
group.
Fighting inertia
The road to get here wasn’t linear or smooth. Inertia is strong. It
took a while to figure out what was nonessential in my life and
purge it to make room for something new. There were walls: health
challenges, work hurdles, the myriad adult obligations that come
with middle age. None of my existing talents were particularly
helpful in this new pastime. I had to get comfortable with being
very uncomfortable.
Am I healthier? I’m certainly stronger than I was in my 30s. My
body has been measured in labs; by many key measures (bone density,
body fat percentage, respiratory fitness) I’m in excellent shape
for my age group.
Am I happier? On weekdays, I’m out running along wooded trails with
deer before work. On Saturdays, I’m in my backyard practicing my
spear throw with a makeshift bale of hay. I count elite athletes
among my friends. I read books about endurance and breathing
techniques. I’ve seen parts of my country racing that were still
foreign to me after half a century on this earth.
Nothing about my days feels the same.
How to break the midlife cycle of sameness
1. Find your “will to live.” Yale professor of epidemiology Becca
Levy found that people with positive perceptions about aging live
7½ years longer on average than those with negative ones.
Through multiple studies, Levy showed that older people who
eschewed negative beliefs about aging would perform better
physically and cognitively; they were more likely to recover from
severe disability; and they remembered better, walked faster and
lived longer. Central to their positivity was a “will to live,”
which can be inclusive of pastimes that challenge and excite
us.
2. Keep asking THE question: What is something challenging you’ve
always wanted to try or be, but now worry you’re too old to do? I
interviewed a woman from Missouri in her 80s who completed an
obstacle course competition after watching her son race. First, she
got cleared by her doctor and then she went to the gym for three
months to build strength.
3. Stop believing your competencies are fixed. Adding the word
“yet” to your mindset can help, according to the well-known
Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck. In other words, think, “I’m not
an artist, pianist, surfer, runner, entrepreneur … yet.”
4. Be okay looking foolish: We live in a culture that celebrates
success and instant gratification. Our social media feeds overflow
with filtered images of triumph. As we age, our tendency is to
avoid appearing silly or unknowledgeable, particularly in the
workplace but also in personal pastimes. The word “dignity” creeps
into our lexicon.
But learning something new and hard, as I discovered firsthand,
means letting go of the master control switch. As the Greek
philosopher Epictetus put it: “If you would improve, be content to
be thought foolish and stupid.”
5. Define your “crop”: Early on, I struggled to find time to pursue
my new passion. Then one day, driving on the coast of North
Carolina near my parents’ home, I pulled over to answer a text and
saw a farmer on his tractor. It occurred to me that he wasn’t
scrolling through Instagram or doing anything but focusing on the
task at hand. If he didn’t, his crop would die.
That began my purge of time sucks, big and small, that didn’t feed
my crop, which I defined as family, health, work — and obstacle
course racing. Saying no was hard at first, then it got
easier.
I haven’t looked back.
