摩登家庭第一季第一集台词（纯英文）
2017-02-04 13:32阅读：
摩登家庭第一季第一集台词
Claire:
kids！breakfast！kids？Phil，would
you get them？
Phil：yeah，just
a sec.
Claire: kids!
Phil: kids, get down here.
Haley: Why are you guys yelling at us when we’re way
upstairs? Just text me.
Claire: All wright. That’s not gonna happen. And wow, you’re
not wearing that outfit.
Haley: What’s wrong with it.
Claire: Honey, do you have anything to say to your doctor
about her skirt?
Phil: Sorry. Oh, yeah. That looks really cute,
sweetheart.
Haley: Thanks.
Claire: No, It’s way too short. People know you’re a girl.
You don’t need to prove it to them.
Alex: Luke got his head stuck in the banister a
gain.
Phil: I got it. Where’s the baby oil?
Claire: It’s on our bedside tab-I don’t know. Find it. Come
on!
Claire: I was out of control growing up. There you know? I
said it. I just don’t want my kids to make the same bad mistakes I
made .If Haley never wakes up on a beach in Florida, half-naked,
I’ve done my job.
Phil: our job.
Claire: Right. I’ve done our job.
Gloria: Vamos , Manny! Kick it! Kick it! Don’t let him.Kick
it! Manny,go!(西班牙语)no, no, no. He tripped
him ,jay. Where’s the penalty?
Jay: Gloria, they’re 0 and 6. Let’s take it down a
notch.
Gloria: We’re very different.Jay’s from the city.He has a big
business.I come from a small village.Very poor but very very
beautiful.It’s the number one village in all Colombia for all
the-What’s the word?
Jay: Murders.
Gloria:Yes.The murders.Manny,stop him!Stop him!You can do
it.
Mate:Damn it,Manny!
Sb’s mum: Come on,coach.You gotta take that kid
out.
Gloria:You wanna take him out?How about I take you
out?
Jay:Honey,honey.
Gloria:Why don’t you worry about your son?He spent the first
half with his hand in his pants!
Josh:I’ve wanted to tell her off for the last six weeks.I’m
Josh .Ryan’s dad.
Gloria:Hi,I’m Gloria Prichett.Manny’s mother.
Josh:Oh,and this must be your dad.
Jay:Her dad?no,that’s funny.Actually,no,I’m her husband.Don’t
be fooled by the—Give me a second here.
Mitch:Who is a good girl?Who’s that?Who’s that.
Old woman:Oh,she’s adorable.
Mitch: Oh,thank you.
Old woman:Hi ,precious.hello.
Mitch:Uh,we just uh,we just adopted her form Vietnam.And
we’re bringing her home for the first time,huh?
A man:She’s an angle.You and your wife must be
thrilled.
Cam:Sorry,sorry,sorry.Daddy needed snacks.So,what are we
talking about?
Mitch:we have been together for five years now?And we just
–we decided we really wanted to hava a baby.So we had initially
asked one of our lesbian friends to be a
surrogate,but-
Cam:Then we figured,they’re already mean enough.Can you
imagine one of them pregnant?Pregant ,no.No thank
you.Lck.
Mitch:You saw that? Everybody fawning over Lily,and then you
walk on and suddenly it’s all,Oh,SkyMall ,I gotta buy a motorized
tie rack.All right,you know,I’m gonna give the speech.
Cam:You are not giving the speech.You are gonna be stuck with
these people for next five hours.
Mitch:You’re right,you’re right.Okay.I’m sorry.
A woman:Look at that baby with those cream
puffs.
Mitch:Okay.Excuse me.Excuse me.This baby would have grown up
in a crowded orphabage if it wasn’t for us”Cream puffs”.And you
know what?Note to all of you who judge—
Cam:Mitchell!
Mitch:Hear this.Love knows no race,creed or gender. And shame
on you.
Cam:Mitchell.
Mitch:You small minded,ignorant few-
Cam:Mitchell!
Mitch:What?
Cam:She’s got the cream puffs.We would like to pay for
everyone’s headsets.
Phill:Buddy.Why do you keep getting stuck like
this?
Luke:I thought I could get out this time.
Alex:I’m just ganna say it.He needs to be checked by a
specialist.
Phill:There.Be free.Excalibur.
Haley:I’m having a friend over today.
Claire:Who?
Haley:you don’t know him.
Claire:Him?Him?
Luke:Oh,a boy.You gonna kiss him?
Haley:Shut up.
Phill:Easy.Easy.
Alex:Yeah,shut up!
Luke:No,you shut up!
Claire:Luke ,Alex,why don’t you take it
outside,okay?
Alex:And do what?
Phill:Fight in the sun.It’ll be a nice change.
Claire:Haley.
Phill:I’m kidding.
Claire:Who’s the boy?
Haley:His name is Dylan.I might as well tell him not to
come.Because you guys are just going to embarrass me
again.
Calire:Sweetie,hang on a second.You’re 15,and it’s the first
time you’ve had a boy over.I’m bound to be a little surprised,but
I’m not gonna embarrass you.
Phill:I better charge the camcorder.
Phill:I’m kidding.Come on.Who are you talking
to?
Phill:I’m the cool dad.That’s my thing.I’m hip.I surf the
web.I text LOL,-Laugh Out Loud.OMG-Oh,My God.WTF-Why The Face.(What
The Fuck).Um,you know ,I know all the dances to high school
musical,so-“We’re all in this together.Yes,we are.We’re all stars
something,something yu know it”
Alex:Mom,Dad!
Claire:What happened.
Alex:Luke just shot me!
Luke:I didn’t mean to.
Claire:Are you okay?
Alex:No.The little bitch shot me.
Claire:Language.
Luke:They’re only plastic BBs.It was an
accident.
Claire:What did I tell you would happen if you got him a
gun?Deal with this.
Phill:Buddy,uncool.
Claire:That’s it?that’s –no no no no.The agreement was that
if he shoots someone,you shoot him.
Phill:We were serious about that?
Claire:Yes,we were.And now you have to follow
through.
Luke:I’m so sorry.
Claire:Liar.Go.
Phill:He’s got a birthday party.
Alex:What’s more important here,Dad?
Claire:You can shoot him afterwards.He’ll be home at
2:00.
Phill:I can’t shoot him at 2:00.I’m showing a house at
2:00.
Alex:What about 3:00?
Claire:No,he’s got a soccer game at 3:00.And then –Oh,we
gotta leave for that dinner thing at 5:00.
4:15.You could shoot him at 4:15.
Phill:yeah,I guess that works for me.
Claire:“shoot luke”
Phill:Sorry,dude.It’s on the calender.
Luke:Oh,come on!
Manny:I’m quitting soccer.It is a game for
children.
Gloria:No,you’re not quitting.You would have stopped that
goal if you weren’t staring at that little girl.
Manny:She is not a girl.She is a woman.
Jay:You know,Gloria,that little blowup with that other
mom,why do you have to do things like that?
Gloria:If somebody says something about my family,I’m going
to-
Jay:I’m just saying .You could take it down here a little
bit.That’s all.
Gloria:Oh,yeah.Cause that’s where you like,down here.But I
live up here.
Jay:Yeah,butt you don’t have to be so emotional all the time
.That’s all I’m saying.Manny,you’re with me on
this,right?
Many:I wanna tell Brenda Feldman I love her.
Jay:Oh,for God sakes.
Gloria:Manny,she’s 16.
Manny:Oh,it’s okay for you to take an older
lover?
Jay:Hey,watch it.
Many:I wanna go to the mall where she works.But first I need
to get my white shirt,the silk one.
Gloria；Okay,if that’s what you
really want to do.
Jay:Seriously.Not to be the evil stepdad,but if you put on a
puffy white shirt and declare your love for a 16-year-old,you’re
gonna be swinging from the flagpole in you puffy white
underpants.
Many:Stop the car.
Gloria；Oh,where’re you
going?See?You hurt his feelings.
Jay:Well,if it thoughens him up a little bit
then-Oh,gezz.He’s picking flowers.
Gloria:Manny’s very passionate ,just like his father.My first
husband-he’s very handsome,but too crazy.It seemed like all we did
was fight and make love,fight and make love,fight and make love.One
time ,I’m not kidding you ,we fell out the window
together.
Jay:Which one were you doing?I’m hearing this for the first
time.
Mitch:This doesn’t worry you?She barely slept on the plane
and she’s still wide awake.
Cam:Oh,stop worrying.
Mitch:I can’t.That orphanage was all women.Maybe she just
–she can’t fall asleep unless she feels a woman’s
shape.
Cam:I guess that’s possible.
Mitch:So here.
Cam:What hell is that supposed to mean?Yes,I’ve gained a few
extra pounds while we were expecting the baby,which has been very
difficult.But apparently your body does a nesting ,very
maternal,primal thing where it retains nutrients-some of sort of
molecular physiology thing.But that’s science.You can’t fight it
so-
Mitch:I’m not saying anything.
Cam:You are saying everything.
Mitch:Count to three.One two three okay.Cam ,this is
beautiful.
Cam:Oh my God.Do you love it?
Mitch:Yes,What the hell is that?
Cam:I had Andre do it while we were gone.
Mitch:Is that us ,with wings?
Cam:We’re folating above her,always there to protect
her.
Mitch:Okay.Well that’s reassuring,right,Lily?Yes,we tore you
away from everything you know,but don’t worry,things are normal
here.Your fathers are floating fairies.No,can you call Andre,have
him paint something a little less gay?By the way,we need to stop
having friends with names like Andre.
Cam:Redheaded dad is angry daddy.
Mitch:No,I’m not.
Cam:Yes you are.Even Pepper pointed it out on the way home
from the airport.
Mitch:That’s another one-Pepper.
Cam:Okay,what’s up.
Mitch:All right,look.I never told my family we were adopting
a baby.And
Cam:I know.
Mitch:You do?
Cam:Yeah,and I don’t blame you.I know your family.You’d tell
them.They’d say something judgemental.
Mitch:Exactly.
Cam:You’d get mad.
Mitch:I know.And then something that’s supposed to be nothing
but joyful suddenly turns into this huge fight.
Cam:Who wants a big,emotional scene like that?
Mitch:Thank you,thank you I’m so relieved you
understand.
Cam:I invited them over for dinner tonight.
Mitch:What?
Cam:I had to.This would have gone on for ever.You’re an
avoider.
Mitch:NO.NO.NO.Cam,I’m calling then right now and
canceling.
Cam:No,you’re not.You’re telling your family yu adopted a
baby,tonight.And you do hava avoidance issues.Even Longinus said
so.
Mitch:Are you really not hearing these names?
Haley:Don’t answer it!I’ll get it!
Claire:HI,Hey,you must be Dylan.
Dylan:Hey.Dylan.Yeah.
Claire:I’m Haley’s mother.
Haley:Come on.Let’s go.
Claire:Okay,um-hang on one second.Dylan,you’re still in high
school?
Dylan:Yeah,I’m a senior.
Claire:A senior.Okay.Cool.Phil,Sweetie.Honey.He is Dylan,and
he is a senior.You have to scare him.
Phil:Let me meet this “Playa”.Phil Dunphy,yo.It’s like
that.You just stare down at them,let the eyes do the work.Your
mouth might saying “Hey,we cool”but your eyes are like that “No,we
not””Nice to meet you””No,it’s not””It’s all good””No it’s
not”
Haley:Okay.I see you two guys
Phill:Wait wait wait.You two keep it real ,know what I
mean,son?
Dylan:Not really.
Haley:Please,stop.
Phill:That’s cool.Oh.God!That’s my back.
Claire:Oh,honey,sweetheart.
Phil:Oh.I slipped in the baby oil.”Oh,where you from
originally””I could defeat you if it came to a physical
confrontation”
Calire:I don’t know about this.Shuold I call a
doctor?
Phil:No,no,no,no,no,Okay.You ‘re very strong
,homes
Dylan:Thanks.
Phil:Okay.Nice soft landing.
Dylan:There you go.
Haley:Okay,Let’s go.Come on.
Phil:I am on my side though.So just flip me right back, and
we’re good.We’ll be good.I just need to get flipped right on my
back,and we should be fine.so-
Manny:Brenda Feldman.
Gloria:What is that.
Manny:A poem I hava written for Brenda Feldman.
Jay:Of course it is.
Manny:I put my thoughts into words and now my words into
action.
Jay:Hey,I’ll give you 50 bucks not to do this.
Manny:I’m 11 years old.What am I gonna do with
money?
Jay:What are you gonna do with a 16-year-old?
Gloria:He’s like a bullfighter.
Jay:You ever see a bullfight?I can’t watch this.
Gloria:You’re in such a bad mood.I know why.I’s because that
man thought you were my father.
Jay:no
Gloria:yes
Jay:no
Gloria:When you say no like that,it’s always yes.Come
on.we’re in the mall.Let’s get you like some younger
clothes.There’s a store here.
Jay:I don’t need any younger clothes.And I don’t care what
some jackass in a pair of ripped jeans thinks about
me.
Gloria:Yes,you shouldn’t.You should only care what I think.I
love you and I don’t care how old you are.So stop being a gloomy
goose and stop being so hard on Manny.
Jay:The only reason I’m hard on Manny is because I don’t
wanna see him make a fool of himself.And I can smeel that hair goo
of his from here.
Gloria:Look,I don’t know what’s gonna happen to him over
there.But you’re his family now ,and that means only one thing You
be the wind in his back,not the spit in his face.
Jay:What?
Gloria:It’s something my mim always says.It’s gorgeous in
Spanish.Look,he’s there.
Manny:She has a boyfriend.
Gloria:Oh,I’m sorry,mi nino.
Manny:I gave my heart,she gave me a picture of me as an
old-time sheriff.That was pretty stupid of me,wasn’t
it?
Gloria:No,mi amor.It was brave.Right,Jay?Brave.
Jay:Well,you’ll know better next time.Come on.Let’s get a
pretzel.
Gloria:西班牙语
Bodyga:excuse me sir.We ask that all mall-walkers stay to the
right.
Haley:Alex,get out.Mum!
Claire:Alex,leave your sister alone.
Alex:I was just getting my book.Gosh.
Claire:I know sweetie.But you need to respect their
privacy.What are they doing up there?
Alex:Nothing.Lying on her bed,watching a movie.
Claire:Okay.Okay.Um,I’m making a cake for tonight.You wanna
help me with the frosting?
Alex:Sure.So,you know if Haley got pregnant,would you ever
pretend she has momo for a few months,and then,like,tell everyone
the baby’s yours?
Claire:What?
Alex:This senior at school was “Out sick”for four months,but
Jenna Resnick swears she saw her breast-feeding at a coin-op car
wash.
Phil:Buddy,what are you wearing?
Luke:Nothing.
Phil:Uh,no jacket.One hat.How many pairs of underwear do you
have on?
Luke:One. Six.
Alex:First of all,it would be really cool to see Haley that
fat.And how awesome would it be to hava a fake little brother who’s
really my nephew.
Claire:Haley is not getting pregnant.
Alex:Just saying if.
Claire:I know.And I know you like to make trouble for your
sister,but it’s not gonna work this time.You know why?Cause you
sister is a good girl.I know.I was just like her when I
was—
Phil: I want you to know I’m not enjoying this.But this is an
important lesson that you’re learning.So,soak it.Keep
it.
Luke:You’re too close.It’s gonna hurt.
Phil:It’s supposed to hurt.
Luke:And why are you smiling?
Phil:I’m what?Oh forget it.I can’t do this.The point is
you’re scared.I think you’ve leatned your lesson.
Haley:Mun?What are you doing?
Claire:Hey!I just dropping off some laundry.Is this bad
time?
Haley:Yeah.
Claire:Oh.Okay.
Haley:Can you shut the door,please?
Claire:Actually,we’re just gonna go ahead and leave that
open.
Haley:Why?
Claire:Because I hava seen this little show before-Lying on
the bed with a tall senior.One minute you’re just friends,watching
Falcon Crest,and the next you’re lying underneath the air hockey
table with your bra in your pocket.
Haley:Mum!
Luke:You kit my bone!
Phil:It was an accident!
Luke:I thought you were my friend!
Phil:I am your friend.
Haley:Dad,Dad,Dad.You hava got to talk to Mom.She is like
completely freaking out and embarrassing me!
Phil:Honey,your mom isn’t always cool about things as-What is
with this thing?
Mitch:My dad.Uh,my dad still isn’t completely comfortable
with this.He still does this thing.It’s been five years now.And he
still does this thing where he announces himself before walking
into any room we’re in just to make sure he doesn’t have to ever
see us kiss.
Cam:Wish my mother had that system.Remember?
Mitch:Not now.I still can’t believe you did this to
me.
Cam:Would you get in the spirit of things?It’s a
celebration.
Mitch:Oh god.
Cam:Okay,I’m gonna go get Lily ready.
Mitch:Okay.
Cam:And I want you to just come straight out with
it.
Mitch:All right.
Cam:Okay?You can do this.Yeah.Sports guy chest
bump.
Mitch:No.
Cam:Sports guy chest bump.
Mitch:Cam.Oh!All right.Go.
Cam:Do it.
Mitch:Sorry.How are you ?Hi,guys.Hey.That looks good.Oh,thank
you.Thanks.
Claire:Don’t thank us.Open it.Dad is coming right
behind..
Jay:Knock,knock!We’re here.Coming in!
Mitch:Don’t worry Dad.Nothing gay going on here.May I take
your multicolored coat and bejeweled cap?
Jay:Yeah.Yeah.
Phil:Hey Jay.
Claire:Gloria,hi.How are you?Hi,Dad.
Phil:Hi Gloria.How are you?Oh,what a beautiful
dress.
Gloria:Ay,thank you,Phil.
Claire:That’s how she says Phil not Feel.Phil.
Jay:So how was your trip?
Mitch:It was good.It was good actually.But um,about that I
have something that need to tell you guys.Um,we didn’t just go to
Vietanam for pleasure.We,uh,kind of some big news.
Jay:Oh God.If Cam comes out here with boobs,I’m
leaving.
Claire:Dad.
Haley:I hope he didn’t embarrass you,Mom.
Claire:Oh,don’t mind her.Haley had her first boy over today
and Phil shot him.
Mitch:Anyway,um,so,about a year ago,Cam and I started feeling
this longing ,you know,for something more ,like,uh,maybe a
baby?
Jay:That’sa bad idea.
Mitch:What do you mean,bad idea.
Jay:Well,kids need a mother.I mean if you two guys are
bored,get a dog.Okay,we’re not bored,Dad.
Gloria:I support you Mitchell,even though you’re not my
son.
Claire:I think what Dad is trying to say is that
,Mitchell,you’re a little uptight.Kids bring chaos,and you don’t
handle it well.
Mitch:That’s not what Dad’s saying.That’s your saying.And
it’s insulting in a whole different way.
Phil:Okay,people,Let’s all “Chillax.”
Alex:Hey,where’s Uncle Cameron?
Mitch:Thank you.Thank you.Someone who’s not insulting me
notices he’e not here.
Jay:Oh,so that’s the big announcement,huh?You two broke
up.Well a baby wasn’t ganna help that anyway.And let me tell
you.You’re better off,because he was a bit of a drama
queen.
Mitch:No,Stop,stop.NO.You come into my house and you insult
me and my boyfriend,who,by the way,is not that dramatic—We adopted
a baby.Her name is Lily.
Cam:Exciting!
Mitch:Just turn it off..
Cam:I can’t turn it off.It’s who I am.
Mitch:The music.
Cam:Oh,yes,the music.Come to say hello to Lily.
Gloria:西班牙语,the little
princess.
Haley:She’s so cute!
Cam:Thank you.
Claire:Let me see her.Let me see her.
Phil:Hi there ,Lily..”Lily”Isn’t that gonna be hard for her
to say?
Claire:Phil.
Jay:Excuse me.Okay,I know that I said I thought this was a
bad idea.But what do I know?Imean,it’s not like I wrote the book on
fatherhood.Been trying all my life to get it right.I’m still
screwing up.Right Manny?
Manny:I wrote a song about it in the car.
Jay:Of coursr you did.Anyway,I’m happy for you.AND,you should
know that I’m not here to spit in your face,I’m here to blow at
your back.
Alex:I don’t understand what that means.
Jay:Well it’s supposed to sound better in
Spanish.
Gloria:西班牙语
Phil:That’s beautiful.That’s really nice.
And thank you too.
Jay:Anyhow Mitch,--
Mitch:No dad it’s it’s—I got her.I got her.
Oh she’s crying
She wants her grandpa!She wants her daddy!
Mitch:Do you wanna meet Grandpq?
Jay:What?Are you kidding?She’s one of us now,Let me see the
little pot sticker.Hey,you’re a cuite,aren’t you?Ah,look at
this.
Jay:We’re from different worlds,yet we somehow fit
together.Love is what bind us,through fair or stormy weather.I
stand before you know with only one agenda-To let you know my heart
is yours,Feldman comma Brenda.I mean seriously.
Phil:Luke so far,hasn’t beaten me in basketball.It’s 2-0 2-0
okay okay.Get that weak stuff out of my kitchen!
Luke:Dad,stop it!
Phil:Can you do me a favor?Just grab-How’s the weather down
there?But when the day comes that he does win if you know if when
he beats me ,I’m just gonna be like,”Well done.Well done.”Just like
let him-Just support him and in that kind of stuff.I mean ,I’d
probably want to go ,like two out of three and just see what
happens there ,but
