唐老雅版-剑10TEST2作文评论修改
2015-11-05 09:20阅读：
You should spend about 40
minutes on this task. Write
about the following topic:
Give reasons for your answer and
include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or
experience.
Some people think that
all university students should study whatever they like. Others
believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that
will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and
technology.
Discuss both these views
and give your own opinion.
|
Write at least 250 words.
Sample answer:
All of us agree that all University students have maind can
They use to think and choose a way life. The governments need to be
better in the future.
The big question? How can we fuind the answer of realize
interested students and the governments?
First of all. Who the some some people think that all
university students should study whatever they like. There are
experts. The experts could be give us the result suitable for the
students and drew for Them the good choose. Also, should be the
government put plan for future. For example, How many pailot, How
many teatcher or tuter the country need. Moreover, In schools, help
students for choose that they like of job. Futhermore, coumet all
the Minstor together.(together much better)
On the other hand, I think not good idea a drew the way for
students. Such as, take who finsh study in school to study subject
we like Not what he like. And thes same as me. When I was students,
me tuter told me “please study computer science”, and my do not
like computer science. Now, I will study another subject. I have
aim and I can do what I like. I agree with people. Who said only be
allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the
future.
In conclusion, I would like to say that the students have
maind. They with our recommend to them. They will be live one of
the food lives in countries also the science and technology plays
rule important in our life.
唐老雅评论
本作文看似荒诞不经，其实很具代表性。唐老雅从事雅思写作教学多年，类似这样的作文着实见得不少。内容雾里看花，不知所云，语言错误百出，几无正确之处。得分：3.5
雅思培训老师发现问题不难，最重要的还是为学生提供相应的修改意见，促使他提高，而不是简单地斥之为“荒唐不可教也”，这才是需要的。但是，目前市场上活跃着的那些雅思写作培训名师往往以分析9分作文为己任，对于这样3分段作文是不屑一顾的。其实，很多雅思名师是没有能力来分析，分析9分不难，分析3分其实最难！唐老雅凭借20年雅思写作教学经验，今日斗胆分析一回，希望对该分数段同学有所启发。
审题
本题问：有些人认为所有大学生都应该想学什么就学什么，另外一些人则认为只允许他们学对未来有用的科目，比如科学技术等。要求对双方观点进行讨论，然后给出自己的观点。
那么，显然，本题的思路是：首先要论述“想学什么就学什么”的利弊；然后论述“只允许学科学技术”的利弊，最后给出结论。
这种题论述起来可深可浅，同学们应该根据自己的表达水平来确定。简单一些，我们可以说，兴趣是最好的老师，根据自己的兴趣来选择学什么，才能学好，未来人生才会开心，也才会对社会做出积极的贡献。学习科学技术也很重要，因为一个国家强盛与否在很大程度上依赖于科技发展水平（比如，最近中国火箭上天后，全球国家都对中国赞赏有加）。我个人的观点是：虽然科技很重要，但一个国家从来也少不了其他学科的支持，比如历史知识可以让我们避免犯过去的错误，英语可以让我们更快地学习别人的长处。因此，我的建议是：学校可以鼓励学生多学科技，但最好给学生自由来选择自己喜欢的学科。
如果往深奥里写，我们可以将这个问题拔高，认为这两个对立观点背后其实隐含的是“市场经济”与“计划经济”的对立，同时，“想学什么就学什么”和“只允许学科技”之间还暗含了“自由精神”与“集权主义”之间的独立。不过，这样写，99.5%的雅思考生都很难写清楚的。比如，你知道“集权主义”英语怎么表达？“市场经济”的原理你用英语说得清楚吗？
习作分析
好，我们再来细看这篇3.5份的文章，仔细聆听作者心声（的确需要仔细聆听，因为作者的意图被笼罩在雾霾重重的语言迷雾中），唐老雅发现作者其实是有些想法的，并非一无是处。
第一段：All of us agree that all University students
have maind can They use to think and choose a way life. The
governments need to be better in the future.
[唐老雅评析]
Maind
应该是mind之误。第一句意思大致为：我们都同意，大学生都有自己的想法（用）来思考并选择生活方式。第二句大致为：政府需要在未来变得更好。本段最大问题其实还不是语言，而是这两句之间的关系莫名其妙。细辨之，又发现这里好像是作者在为全篇布局：因为第二段讲的是“政府应该有谋划，所以可以规定学生应该学什么”，第三段讲的是“学生应该按照兴趣自己选择”，最后是结论。因此，在这里，作者是有想法的，估计是想说：“我们都同意大学应该有自己的想法，但是政府为了变得更好，也需要给学生提出建议”，因此，这两句之间是转折关系。如果作者能明确指示出两句之间的转折关系，并对语言作适当修改，这一段就可以过关。
[唐老雅修改]
All of us agree that university students have the freedom to
think and choose their way of life, yet in terms of what subjects
they should study, the government should give them useful advice so
that the country may become better in future.
第二段：The big question? How can we fuind the
answer of realize interested students and the
governments?
[唐老雅评析]
这里提出的问题其实是紧随第一段的，即：怎样才能找到一个答案，可同时满足学生和政府的利益呢？作者的表达能力实在有限，想到了，却说错了。
[唐老雅修改]
The question is: what is the best way to fulfill the target
of both the students and the government?
第三段：First of all. Who the some some people think
that all university students should study whatever they like. There
are experts. The experts could be give us the result suitable for
the students and drew for Them the good choose. Also, should be the
government put plan for future. For example, How many pailot, How
many teatcher or tuter the country need. Moreover, In schools, help
students for choose that they like of job. Futhermore, coumet all
the Minstor together.(together much better)
[唐老雅评析]
这里作者想论证政府在学生专业选择中的作用。想表达几点：（1）专家来决定学生该学什么，因此专家可给学生提出建议；（2）政府需要规划未来，因此可帮助学生选择学习什么专业。（3）最好是把专家和政府结合起来。
这里突然提出专家，那么专家和政府什么关系呢？应该突出这种关系，比如“experts from
the government”
等。另外，这段的逻辑顺序似乎应该是：政府规划未来—需要不同专业的人才—请专家根据政府规划给学生提出建议。
[唐老雅修改]
First of all, the government should offer useful guidance to
students about their choice of subjects. As we know, the government
is always the one who makes plan for the country’s future. It
decides, for example, how many pilots, teachers, enginners are
needed in the next few decades. So, based on the government’s
blueprint, the government experts as well as the university should
tell students what subjects will be most needed in future and the
students studying them may have better chances of employment. This
kind of advice will not only increase the students’ interest in the
subjects, but also prepare the government for the future qualified
workers.
第四段：On the other hand, I think not good idea a
drew the way for students. Such as, take who finsh study in school
to study subject we like Not what he like. And thes same as me.
When I was students, me tuter told me “please study computer
science”, and my do not like computer science. Now, I will study
another subject. I have aim and I can do what I like. I agree with
people. Who said only be allowed to study subjects that will be
useful in the future.
[唐老雅评析]
本段论述学生应该自己选择的好处。大致观点：（1）学习不喜欢的科目是痛苦的；（2）学生有自己的目标，为什么只能学未来有用的科目？原文表达凌乱，不成句。
[唐老雅修改] On the other hand, I do not
think it a good idea to force students to study the subjects they
do not like. How painful it will be to read those books you have no
interest in, or to attend those classes about which you do not care
at all! Take myself as an example. When I was choosing my subject,
my professor told me to study computer science, but I don’t like
computer science. So instead of taking that subject, I now study
history. I have my own aim to realize, so why should I have to
study subjects such as science and technology?
第五段：In conclusion, I would like to say that the
students have maind. They with our recommend to them. They will be
live one of the food lives in countries also the science and
technology plays rule important in our life.
[唐老雅评析]
本段为结论。要点：学生有自己的思维，我们可以建议。虽然科技很重要，但学习自己感兴趣的科目，学生未来的生活得更好。原文思路凌乱，文字错误太多。
[唐老雅修改]
In conclusion, I would like to say that university students
should be given the free mind to choose the subjects they like to
study, though the government should offer useful advise to them.
While science and technology is of course important, the students
will contribute more to the future of the country if they are
allowed to study the things they are really interested
in.
[唐老雅修改全文]
All of us agree that university students have the freedom to
think and choose their way of life, yet in terms of what subjects
they should study, the government should give them useful advice so
that the country may become better in future. The
question, then, is: what is the best way to
fulfill the target of both the students and the
government?
First of all, the government should offer useful guidance to
students about their choice of subjects. As we know, the government
is always the one who makes plan for the country’s future. It
decides, for example, how many pilots, teachers, enginners are
needed in the next few decades. So, based on the government’s
blueprint, the government experts as well as the university should
tell students what subjects will be most needed in future and the
students studying them may have better chances of employment. This
kind of advice will not only increase the students’ interest in the
subjects, but also prepare the government for the future qualified
workers.
On the other hand, I do not think it a good idea to force
students to study the subjects they do not like. How painful it
will be to read those books you have no interest in, or to attend
those classes about which you do not care at all! Take myself as an
example. When I was choosing my subject, my professor told me to
study computer science, but I don’t like computer science. So
instead of taking that subject, I now study history. I have my own
aim to realize, so why should I have to study subjects such as
science and technology?
In conclusion, I would like to say that university students
should be given the free mind to choose the subjects they like to
study, though the government should offer useful advise to them.
While science and technology is of course important, the students
will contribute more to the future of the country if they are
allowed to study the things they are really interested in. (340
words)
评分：＞7
