唐老雅版-剑10，TEST3作文范文分析
2015-11-08 17:56阅读：
高分作文体现在以下三个方面：内容的逻辑性；词汇的幅度；句型灵活性。老雅认为，词汇幅度的重要性不及句型灵活性。灵动多变的句式，一定是雅思考试作文增分的利器。
剑10，TEST 3
WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Countries are becoming more and more similar because
people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the
world.
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from
your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
MODEL ANSWER
It is said that countries are becoming similar to
each other because of the global spread of the same products, which
are now available for purchase almost anywhere. I strongly believe
that this modern development is largely detrimental to culture and
traditions worldwide.
A country’s histo
ry, language and ethos are all inextricably bound up in its
manufactured artefacts. If the relentless advance of international
brands into every corner of the world continues, these bland
packages might one day completely oust the traditional objects of a
nation, which would be a loss of richness and diversity in the
world, as well as the sad disappearance of the manifestations of a
place’s character. What would a Japanese tea ceremony be without
its specially crafted teapot, or a Fijian kava ritual without its
bowl made from a certain type of tree bark?
Let us not forget either that traditional products,
whether these be medicines, cosmetics, toys, clothes, utensils or
food, provide employment for local people. The spread of
multinational products can often bring in its wake a loss of jobs,
as people turn to buying the new brand, perhaps thinking it more
glamorous than the one they are used to. This eventually puts
old-school craftspeople out of work.
Finally, tourism numbers may also be affected, as
travellers become disillusioned with finding every place just the
same as the one they visited previously. To see the same products
in shops the world over is boring, and does not impel visitors to
open their wallets in the same way that trinkets or souvenirs
unique to the particular area do.
Some may argue that all people are entitled to have
access to the same products, but I say that local objects suit
local conditions best, and that faceless uniformity worldwide is an
unwelcome and dreary prospect.
唐老雅评析
本题问：现在人们可以在世界各地买到同样的产品，因此国家变得非常相似了，你觉得这个好还是不好？
老雅觉得这个话题比较容易入题，可写的东西很多。比如，从低层次上讲，由于买同样的产品，在很大程度上人们就不再想旅游，对地方的经济和就业会造成影响；从高层次上讲，国家之间变得同质化会丧失文化多元性（diversity），使大家难以体会不同文化带来的感受。因此，如果你选择认为这个是不好的现象，你会有很多话可说。反过来，如果你认为这是一件好事，你也有很多理由。比如，从低层次上讲，能够在不同国家买到同样的产品，会给消费者带来方便（例如：你到中国旅游却忘记了带上你iPhone手机的电源，没有关系，因为中国也能买到）；从高层次上讲，国家变得相似，相互之间的理解会由此增强，从而降低冲突和战争的机会。总之，不管你选择什么角度，这个作文都是有内容可表达的。当然，老雅也想提醒一下：在西方价值体系中，文化多元性，文化共生似乎是主旋律，也是雅思考官喜欢的价值观。
唐老雅范文分析
本范文观点明确，语句通顺，用词较好，句型有变化。得分：8。
可模仿指数：9
内容发展：范文共5段。第一段点题，并提出自己观点：国家趋同现象不好；第二到四段分别从三个方面论述自己观点（第二段认为，国家趋同会丧失多元性和丰富性；第三段认为产品的国际化可能让本地工人失业；第三段认为，产品趋同会降低游客购买当地纪念品的欲望，从而影响旅游业），第五段重述自己的观点。因此，从文章结构上讲，本范文非常完整。老雅认为，唯一不足的是，作者显然没有考虑第2-4段中三个理由之间的逻辑先后顺序。其实，应该先从employment谈起，再谈tourism，最后谈cultural
diversity and
richness，这个顺序由浅入深，更为符合逻辑发展基本顺序。
词汇、句型方面：用词比较大，但大都能比较准确地表达观点，句型有一定变化。举例如下：
例1：Itis said that countries are
becoming similar to each other because of the global spread of the
same products, which are now available for purchase almost
anywhere. I strongly believe that this modern
development is largely detrimental to culture and traditions
worldwide. （第1段）
划线部分是对题目的重述（restatement），可取之处是它对题目进行了合理的改写，注意原文是：Countries
are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy
the same products anywhere in the world.
这个改写比较成功。老雅提示：雅思作文第一段通常都要重述题目内容，因此，练习如何改写重述是雅思作文备考的一个重要方面。第二句中，作者使用了deterimental这个比较大的词汇，意思为harmful。
例2：A country’s history, language and ethos are all
inextricably bound up in its manufactured
artefacts. If the
relentlessadvance of international brands into
every corner of the world continues, these bland packages might one
day completely oust the traditional objects of a
nation, which would be a loss of richness and
diversity in the world, as wellas the sad
disappearance of the manifestations of a place’s
character.（第2段）
这句很长，共53词，几乎占了全文的1/5: if this...continues, these...packages
might...,which would be...as well
as...,即，如果某事继续发生，那么就会发生什么，而接下来就会导致两种后果。这样的句子虽然较长，但意思表达相当清晰，可以适度模仿。黑体字部分的单词属于高段词汇。Inextricably可以用更亲切的词汇如necessarily替换，表示“必然”，“不可避免地”。Relentless
advance of internatonal
brands...中relentless原意为“残酷的，肆虐的”，用在这里既贴切内容，还表达了作者的情感，非常合适，但程度稍低的同学可用更普通的词汇如rapid来替换。
例3：The spread of multinational products can often bring
in itswake a loss of jobs,
as people turn to buying the
new brand, perhaps thinking it
more glamorous than the one they are used to. This eventually puts
old-school craftspeople out of work.
本句给老雅的印象是句式灵活，用as引导一个原因从句，再用分词引出一个更深的原因，如果将thinking更换为perhaps
becaushe they think it more glamorous...，那么句子的灵动性就消失很多。In its
wake是一个地道的英语词组，意思为“紧随其后”。
例4：Some
may argue that all people are entitled to have access to the same
products, but I say that local objects suit local conditions best,
and that faceless uniformity worldwide is an unwelcome and dreary
prospect.
本句为结论。雅思作文的规范结尾通常是：先承认所反对观点的合理性，然后转折到自己要强调的观点。注意结论段的观点虽然一定要与首段观点一致，但在措辞上则一定要体现出变化。这也是雅思作文备考中的重要环节。本文就做得很好。“The
faceless uniformity...is an unwelcome and dreary
prospect”既重申了观点，又体现了语言的掌控能力。
唐老雅建议
要在雅思作文获得高分，在很大程度上体现为三个方面：一是内容的逻辑性；二是词汇的幅度；三是句型灵活性。相对而言，老雅认为，词汇幅度的重要性不及句型灵活性。灵动多变的句式，一定是雅思考试增分的利器：比如，在开端重述题目，在结尾重述观点，都需要改动句式。但是，如何才能做到句式灵活呢？建议各位烤鸭平时多做句型变化的练习，试试把原文中的主语变成宾语，把原文的从句改成分词短语，变一变原文的谓语动词，等等。如此多练习，考试中灵活使用，可大大提升作文得分。
