《神探夏洛克》剧本整理（英文版）——第一季 第三集
2014-04-06 18:07阅读：
SHERLOCK HOLMES
Season One
NO.3
The Great
Game
Minsk, Belarws
SHERLOCK: Just tell me what happened from the
beginning.
MR BEWICK: We had been to a bar, nice palce, and, I got
chatting with one of
the waitress, and Karen weren't happy with
that, so...when we get
back to the hotel, we end up having a bit
of a ding-dong.
She's always getting at me, saying I weren't a real
man.
SHERLOCK: Wasn't a real man.
MR BEWICK: What?
SHERLOCK: It's not 'weren't', it's'wasn't'.
Go on.
MR BEWICK: Well...then I don't know how it happened, but
suddenly there's a
knife in my hands... and me old man was a
butcher, so I know how
to handle knives. He learned us how to cut
up a beast.
SHERLOCK: Taught.
MR BEWICK: What?
SHERLOCK: Taught you how to cut up a beast.
MR BEWICK: Yeah, well, then I done it.
SHERLOCK: Did it.
MR BEWICK: Did it! Stabbed her, over and over and over, and I
looked down,
and she weren't...wasn't...moving no more.
Any more.
God help me, I dunno how it happened, but
it was an accident, I
swear.
You've got to help me, Mr.Holmes! Everyone
says you're the best.
Without you...I'll get hung for
this.
SHERLOCK: No, no, Mr.Bewick, not at all. Hanged,
yes.
JOHN: What the hell are you doing?!
SHERLOCK: Bored.
JOHN: What?!
SHERLOCK: Bored!
JOHN:No...
SHERLOCK: Bored! Bored!
Don't know what's got into the criminal classes.
Good job I'm not
one of them.
JOHN: So you take it out on the wall?
SHERLOCK: The wall had it coming.
JOHN: What about that Russian case?
SHERLOCK: Belarus? Open and shut domestic murder. Not worth
my time.
JOHN: Oh, shame!
Anything in? I'm
starving.
Oh, f...
There's a head. A
severed head!
SHERLOCK: Just tea for me, thanks.
JOHN: No, there's a head in the fridge.
SHERLOCK: Yes?
JOHN: A bloody head!
SHERLOCK: Well, where else could I put it? You don't
mind, do you?
JOHN: Well...
SHERLOCK: Got it from Barts morgue. I'm measuring the
coagulation of seliva
after death. I see you've written up the taxi
driver case.
JOHN: Er...yes.
SHERLOCK: A Study In Pink. Nice.
JOHN: Well, you know. Pink lady, pink case, pink phone. There
was a lot of
pink. Did you like
it?
SHERLOCK: Um...no.
JOHN: Why not? I thought you'd be flattered.
SHERLOCK: Flattered?!'Sherlock sees through everything and
everyone in
seconds. What's incredible, though, is how
spectaculary ignorant
he is about some things.'
JOHN: Hang on, I didn't mean that...
SHERLOCK: Oh, you meant'spectaculary ignorant' in a nice way.
Look, it
doesn't matter to me who's Prime Minister
or...
JOHN: I know...
SHERLOCK: Who's sleeping with who..
JOHN: Whether the Earth goes around the sun.
SHERLOCK: That again! It's not important!
JOHN: Not impor...?! It's primary school stuff. How can you
not know that?
SHERLOCK: Well, if I ever did, I've deleted it.
JOHN: Deleted it?
SHERLOCK: Listen. This is my hard drive, and it only makes
sense to put
things in there that are useful. REALLY
useful. Ordinary people
fill their heads with all kinks of rubbish.
That makes it hard to
get at the stuff that matters. Do you
see?
JOHN: But it's the solar system!
SHERLOCL: Oh, hell! What does that matter?! So we go round
the sun. If we
went round the moon, or round and round the garden
like a teddy
bear, it wouldn't make any difference! All that
matters to me is
the work! Without that, my brain rots!
Put that in your blog! Or, better still, stop
inflicting your
opinions on the world!
Where are you going?
JOHN: Out! I need some air.
MRS HUDSON: Oh, sorry, love!
JOHN: Sorry.
MRS HUDSON: Have you two had a little domestic?
Ooh, it's a bit nippy out there. He
should have wrapped himself
up a bit more.
SHERLOCK: Look at that, Mrs.Hudson. Quiet. Clam. Peaceful.
Isn't it hateful?
MRS HUDSON: Oh, I'm sure something will turn up, Sherlock. A
nice murder.
That'll cheer you up.
SHERLOCK: Can't come too soon.
MRS HUDSON: Hey, what have you done to my bloody
wall?!
I'm putting this on your rent,
young man!
SARAH: Morning.
JOHN:Oh...m-morning.
SARAH: See? Told you you should have gone with the
lilo.
JOHN: No, no, no, it's fine, I slept fine. It's very kind of
you.
SARAH: Well, maybe next time I'll let you kip at the end of
my bed, you
know.
TV: '...which was discovered mouldering...18 months ago.
Experts are hailing
it as the artistic find of the
centry... It fetched over 20 million
pounds. This one is
anticipated to do even better.
JOHN: What about the time after that?
SARAH: ...
Do you want
some breakfast?
JOHN: Love some.
SARAH: Well, make it yourself. I'm going to have a
shower.
TV: Bank now to our main story. There's been a massive
explosion in central
London. As yet, there are no reports
of any casualties, and the police
are unable to say if there's any
suspicion of terrorist involvement.'
Poilce have issued an emergecy
number for friends and relatives.'
Baker Street
JOHN: Sarah! Sarah! Sorry! I've got to run!
JOHN: Excuse me, can I get through?
I live over
there.
Sherlock!
Sherlock!
SHERLOCK: John.
JOHN: I saw it on the telly. Are you OK?
SHERLOCK: Me? What? Oh, yeah, fine. Gas leak,
apparently.
I can't.
MYCROFT: Can't?
SHERLOCK: Stuff I've got on is just too big. I can't spare
the time.
MYCROFT: Never mind your usual trivia. This is of national
improtance.
SHERLOCK: How's the diet?
MYCROFT: Fine.
Perhaps you can get through to him, John.
JOHN: What?
MYCROFT: I'm afraid my brother can be very
intransigent.
SHERLOCK: If you're so keen, why don't you investigate
it?
MYCROFT: No. I can't possibly be away from the office for any
length of
time. Not with the Korean elections so... Well, you don't
need to
know about that, do you? Besides, a case like this, it
requires...
legwork.
SHERLOCK: How's Sarah, John? How was the lilo?
MYCROFT: Sofa, Sherlock. It was the sofa.
SHERLOCK: Oh, yes, of course.
JOHN: How...? Oh, never mind.
MYCROFT: Sherlock's business seems to be booming since you
and he become...
pals.
What's he like to live with? Hellish, I
imagine.
JOHN: I'm never bored.
MYCROFT: Good. That's good, isn't it?
MYCROFT: Andrew West, known as Wesite to his friends. Civil
servant. Found
dead on the tracks at Battersea station this morning with
his head
smashed in.
JOHN: Jumped in front of a train?
SHERLOCK: Seems the logical assumption.
JOHN: But?
MYCROFT: But?
JOHN: Well, you wouldn't be here if it was just a
accident.
SHERLOCK: Hah!
MYCROFT: The MoD is working on a new missile defence system,
the Bruce-
Partington Program it's called. The plans for it were on a
memory
stick.
JOHN: That wasn't very clever.
MYCROFT: It's not the only copy. Oh. But it is secret. And
missing.
JOHN: Top secret?
MYCROFT: Very. We thiink West must have taken the memory
stick. We can't
risk it falling into the wrong hands.
You've got to find those plans, Sherlock. Don't make me
order you.
SHERLOCK: I'd like to see you try.
MYCROFT: Think it over.
Goodbye, John. See you very soon.
JOHN: Why did you lie? You've got nothing on. Not a single
case. That's why
the wall took a
pounding. Why did you tell your brother you were busy?
SHERLOCK: Why shouldn't I?
JOHN: Oh. Nice.
Sibling
rivalry. Now we're getting somewhere.
Phone ring
SHERLOCK: Sherlock Holmes.
Of course. How could I refuse?
Lestrade.
I've been summoned. Coming?
JOHN: If you want me to.
SHERLOCK: Of course.
I'd be lost without my blogger.
LESTRADE: You like the funny cases, don't you?
The surprising ones. You'll love this. That
explosion.
SHERLOCK: Gas leak, yes?
LESTRADE: No.
SHERLOCK: No?
LESTRADE: No. Made to look like one.
SHERLOCK: What?
LESTRADE: Hardly anything left of the place, except a
strongbox. A VERY
strong box, and inside it was this.
SHERLOCK: You haven't opened it?
LESTRADE: It's addressed to you, isn't it?
We've X-rayed it. It's not
booby-trapped.
SHERLOCK: How reassuring.
SHERLOCK: Nice stationery. Bohencian.
LESTRADE: What?
SHERLOCK: From the Crech Republice. No
fingerprints?
LESTRADE: No.
SHERLOCK: She used a fountain pen. Parker Duofold, iridium
nib.
JOHN: She?
SHERLOCK: Obviously.
JOHN: Obviously.
But that...That's the
phone. The pink phone.
LESTRADE: What, from The Study In Pink?
SHERLOCK: Obviously, it's not the same phone, but it's
supposed to look
like...'Study In Pink'? You read his
blog?
LESTRADE: Of course I read his blog. We all do. Do you REALLY
not know that
the Earth gose round the sun?
SHERLOCK: It isn't the same phone. This one's brand-new.
Someone's taken
trouble to make it look the same, which means your
blog has a far
wider readship.
PHONE: You have one new message.
JOHN: Was that it?
SHERLOCK: No, that's not it.
LESTRADE: What the hell are we supposed to make of that? An
estate agent's
photo and the bloody Greenwich pips.
SHERLOCK: It's a warning.
JOHN: A warning.
SHERLOCK: Some secret societies used to send dried melon
seeds, orange pips,
things like that - five pips. They're warning us
it's going to
happen again. I've seen this place
before.
JOHN: Hang on.
What's going to
happen again?
SHERLOCK: Boom!
SHERLOCK: Mrs.Hudson!
MRS HUDSON: You had a look, didn't you, when you first came
to see about
your flat?
SHERLOCK: The door's been opened, recently.
MRS HUDSON: No, can't be. That's the only key. I can't get
anyone interested
in this flat. It's the damp, I
expect - that's the curse of
basements. I'd place once
when I was first married. Mould all up
the wall...Oh. Dear
me.
JOHN: Shoes.
He's a bomber,
remember.
NUMBER BLOCKED
SHERLOCK: Hello.
WOMAN: Hello...sexy.
SHERLOCK: Who's this?
WOMAN: I've...sent you...a little puzzle, just to say
hi.
SHERLOCK: Who's talking? Why are you crying?
WOMAN: I...I'm not crying. I'm typing. And this...stupid
bitch is reading it
out.
SHERLOCK: The curtain rises.
JOHN: What?
SHERLOCK: Nothing.
JOHN: No, what did you mean?
SHERLOCK: I've been expecting this for some
time.
WOMAN: 12 hours to solve...my puzzle, Sherlock...or I'm going
to be... So...
naughty.
S.BARTHOLOMEW'S HOSPITAL
JOHN: So, who do you suppose it was?
SHERLOCK: Um?
JOHN: Woman on the phone - the crying woman.
SHERLOCK: Oh, she dosen't matter, she's just a hostage. No
lead there.
JOHN: I wasn't thinking about leads.
SHERLOCK: You're not going to be much use to
her.
JOHN: Are they trying to trace it - trace the
call?
SHERLOCK: Bomber's too smart for that. Pass my
phone.
JOHN: Where is it?
SHERLOCK: Jacket.
Careful!
JOHN: Text from your brother.
SHERLCK: Deleted it.
JOHN: Deleted it?
SHERLOCK: Plans are out of the country. Nothing we can
do.
TEXT: RE:BRUCE-PARTINGTONS
Any progress on
Andrew West's death? - Mycroft
JOHN: Mycroft think there is. He's texted you eight times.
Must be
important.
SHERLOCK: Then why didn't he cancel his dental
appointment?
JOHN: His what?
SHERLOCK: Mycroft never texts if he can talk.
Andrew West stole the missile plans, tried to sell
them, got his
head smashed in, end of story. The only mystery is
why my brother
is so determined to bore me when somebody else is
being so
delightfully interesting.
JOHN: Try and remember there's a woman who might
die.
SHERLOCK: What for? There's hospitals full of people dying,
Doctor. Why
don't you go and cry by their beside and see what
good it dose
them?
Search Finished
MOLLY: Any luck?
SHERLOCK: Oh, yes!
MORIARTY: Oh, sorry, I didn't...
MOLLY: Jim, hi! Come in! Come in!
Jim, this is
Sherlock Holmes. And, er...Sorry.
JOHN: John Waston.
MORIARTY: So you're Sherlock Holmes. Molly's told me all
about you. You on
one of your cases?
MOLLY: Jim works in IT, upstairs. That's how we met. Office
romance.
SHERLOCK: Gay.
MOLLY: Sorry, what?
SHERLOCK: Nothing. Um, hey.
MORIARTY: Sorry. Sorry! Well, I'd better be off. I'll see you
at the Fox.
About sixith?
MOLLY: Yeah.
MORIARTY: Bye. It was nice to meet you.
JOHN: You too.
MOLLY: What do you mean, gay? We're together.
SHERLOCK: Domestic bliss must suit you, Molly. You've put on
3 pounds since
I last saw you.
MOLLY: Two-and-a-half.
SHERLOCK: No, three.
JOHN: Sherlock.
MOLLY: He's not a gay! Why do you have to spoil...? He's
not.
SHERLOCK: With that level of grooming?
JOHN: Because he puts product in his hair? I put product in
my hair.
SHERLOCK: You wash your hair, there's a
difference.
Tinted eyelashes, signs of taurine cream around the
frown lines,
those tried, clubber's eyes. Then there's his
underwear.
MOLLY: His underwear?
SHERLOCK: Visible above the waistline. Very visible,
particular brand. Plus
the suggestive fact that he just left his number
under this dish.
I'd say you'd better break it off now and save
yourself the pain.
JOHN: Charming, well done.
SHERLOCK: Just saving her time. Isn't that
kinder?
JOHN: Kinder? No, no, Sherlock, that wasn't
kind.
SHERLOCK: Go on, then.
JOHN: Um?
SHERLOCK: You know what I do. Off you go.
JOHN: Oh...No.
SHERLOCK: Go on.
JOHN: I don't want stand here so you can humiliate me while
I...
SHERLOCK: An outside eye, a second opinion it's very useful
to me. Really!
JOHN: Fine.
Oh, they're just a
pair of sh...trainers.
SHERLOCK: Good.
JOHN: They're in good nick. I'd say they were pretty new,
except the sole
has been well worn,
so the owner must have had them for a while. Er,
very '80s. Probably
one of those retro designs.
SHERLOCK: You're on sparkling form. What else?
JOHN: They're quite big. So a man's. But...But there's traces
of a name
inside in felt-tip.
Adults don't write their names inside their shoes,
so these belong to a
kid.
SHERLOCK: Excellent. What else?
JOHN: That's it.
SHERLOCK: That's it.
JOHN: How did I do?
SHEROCK: Well, John. Really well. I mean, you missed almost
everything of
importance, but, you know.
The owner loved these. Scrubbed them clean. Whitened them.
Changed
the laces three...no, four times. There are traces of flaky
skin
where his fingers have come into contact with them, so he
had
eczema. The shoes are more worn on the inner side, so he
had weak
arches. British-made, 20 years old.
JOHN: 20 years?
SHERLOCK: They're not retro, they're original. Limited
edition - two blue
stripes, 1989.
JOHN: There's still mud on them. They look new.
SHERLOCK: Someone's kept them that way. Quite a bit of mud
caked on the
soles. Analysis shows it's from Sussex with London
mud overlaying
it.
JOHN: How do you know?
SHERLOCK: Pollen. Clear as a map reference. South of the
river. This kid
came to London from Sussex 20 years ago and left
the trainers
behind.
JOHN: What happened to him?
SHERLOCK: Something bad.
He loved those shoes, remember. He'd never leave
them filthy.
Wouldn't let them go unless he had to.
So, a child with big feet gets...oh
JOHN: What?
SHERLOCK: Carl Powers.
JOHN: Sorry, who?
SHERLOCK: Carl Powers, John.
JOHN: What is it?
SHERLOCK: It's where I began.
1989, kid, champion swimmer, came from Brighton for
a school
sports tournament, drowned in the pool. Tragic
accident. You
wouldn't remember it, would you?
JOHN: But you remember.
SHERLOCK: Yes.
JOHN: Something fishy about it?
SHERLOCK: Nobody thought so. Nobody except me. I was only a
kid myself. I
read about it in the papers.
JOHN: You started young, didn't you?
SHERLOCK: The boy, Carl Powers, had some kind of fit in the
water, but by
the time they got him out, it was too late. There
was something
wrong somewhere. I couldn't get it out of my
head.
JOHN: What?
SHERLOCK: His shoes.
JOHN: What about them?
SHERLOCK: They weren't there. I made a fuss. I tried to get
the police
interested, but nobody seemed to think it was
importance. He'd
left all the rest of his clothes in his locker, but
there was no
sign of his shoes. Until now.
JOHN: Can I help? I want to help. There's only five hours
left.
TEXT: Any developemnts? - Mycroft Holmes
JOHN: It's your brother. He's texting me now. How does he
know my number?
SHERLOCK: Must be a root canal.
JOHN: Look, he did say...national importance.
SHERLOCK: How quaint!
JOHN: What is?
SHERLOCK: You are. Queen and country.
JOHN: You can't just ignore it.
SHERLOCK: I'm not ignoring it. Putting my best man onto it
right now.
JOHN: Right, good!
Who's
that?
MYCROFT: John, how nice! I was hoping it wouldn't be long.
How can I help
you?
JOHN: Thank you.
Um, I was wanting
to... Your brother sent me to collect more facts
about the stolen
plans - the missile plans.
MYCROFT: Did he?
JOHN: Yes. He's investigating now. He's, er...investigating
away. I just
wondered what else
you could tell me about the dead man.
MYCROFT: Er, IT. Clerk at Vauxhall Cross. MI6. He was
involved in the Bruce-
Partington Program in a minor capacity. Security cheeks
A-OK. No
known terrorist affiliations or sympathies. Last seen by
his
fiancee 10:30 yesterday evening.
(ANDRAW WEST: Lucy, love, I've got to go out. I've got to see
someone.
LUCY: Westie!)
JOHN: He was found at Battersea, yes. So he got on the
train?
MYCROFT: No.
JOHN: What?
MYCROFT: He had an Oyster card... But it hadn't been
used.
JOHN: He must have bought a ticket.
MYCROFT: Hm. There was no ticket on the body.
JOHN: Then...
MYCROFT: Then how did he end up with a bashed-in brain
on the tracks at
Battersea? That is the question - the one I
was raher hoping
Sherlock would provide an answer to. How's he
getting on?
JOHN: He's fine. And it is going...very well. He's,
um... He's completely
focused on
it.
SHERLOCK: Poison!
MRS HUDSON: What are you going on about?
SHERLOCK: Clostridium botulinum. It's one of the deadliest
poisons on the
planet. Carl Powers.
JOHN: Are you saying he was murdered?
SHERLOCK: Remember the shoelaces?
He suffered from eczema. It wouldn't be
easy to introduce the
poison into his medication. Two hours later
he comes to London,
the poison paralyses the muscles and he
drowns.
JOHN: How came the autopsy didn't pick that
up?
SHERLOCK: It's virtually underectable. Nobody was
looking for it.
The Science of
Deduction
Pasted by
Sherlock Holmes
FOUND. Pair of trainers belonging to Carl
Powers(1978-1989).
SHERLOCK: There are still tiny trces of it in the trainers
from where he put
the cream on his feet.
Botulinum touch still
present.
SHERLOCK: That's why they had to go.
JOHN: So how do we let the bomber know?
SHERLOCK: Get his attention, stop the clock.
JOHN: The killer kept the shoes all those years.
SHERLOCK: Yes. Meaning...
JOHN: He's our bomber.
Phone ring
WPMAN: 'Well done, you. Come and get me.'
SHERLOCK: Where are you? Tell us where you are.
LESTRADE: She lives n Cornwall. Two men broke in wearing
masks, forced her
to drive to the car park and decked her out in
enough explosives
to take down a house. Told her to phone you. Check
the read-out
from this - pager.
SHERLOCK: If she deviated by one word, the shiper would set
her off.
JOHN: Or if you hadn't solved the case.
SHERLOCK: Oh...elegant!
JOHN: Elegant?
LESTRADE: What was the point? Why would anyone do
this?
SHERLOCK: Oh...I can't be the only person in the world that
gets bored.
TEXT: You have one new message.
JOHN: Four pips.
SHERLOCK: First test passed, it would seem here's the
second.
It's abandoned, wouldn't you say?
LESTRADE: I'll see if it's been reported.
SALLY: Freak, it's for you.
SHERLOCK: Hell.
MAN: It's OK that you've gone to the police.
SHERLOCK: Who is this? Is this you again?
MAN: But don't rely on them. Clever you, guessing about Carl
Powers. I never
liked him. Carl laughed at
me, so I stopped him laughing.
SHERLOCK: You've stolen another voice, I
presume.
MAN: This is about you and me.
SHERLOCK: Who are you? What's that noise?
MAN: It's the sounds of life, Sherlock. But don't worry. I
can soon fix
that. You solved my last
puzzle in nine hours. This time you have
eight.
LESTRADE: Great!
We've found it.
LESTRADE: The car was hired yesterday morning by an Ian
Monkford. Banker of
some kind. City boy. Paid in cash. Told his wife he
was going on a
business trip, never arrived.
SALLY: You're still hanging round him.
JOHN: Yeah, well...
SALLY: Oppsites attract, I s'pose.
JOHN: We're not...
SALLY: You should get yourself a hobby. Stamps, maybe. Model
trains. Safer.
LESTRADE: Before you ask, yes, it's Monkford's blood. DNA
cheeks out.
SHERLOCK: No body.
SALLY: Not yet.
SHERLOCK: Get a sample sent to the lab.
SHERLOCK: Mrs.Monkford.
MRS MONKFORD: Yes. Sorry, but I've already spoken with two
policemen.
JOHN: We're not from the police, we're...
SHERLOCK: Sherlock Holmes. Very old friend of your husband's.
We, um...we
grew up together.
MRS MONKFORD: I'm sorry. Who? I don't think he ever mentioned
you.
SHERLOCK: Oh, he must have done. This is... This is horrible.
I mean, I just
can't believe it. I only saw him the other day.
Same old Ian. Not
a care in the world.
MRS MONKFORD: Sorry... My husband has been depressed for
months. Who are
you?
SHERLOCK: Really strange that he hired a car. Why would he do
that? It's a
bit suspicious, isn't it?
MRS MONKFORD: No, it isn't. He forgot to renew the tax on the
car, that's
all.
SHERLOCK: Ah, well! That was Ian. That was Ian all
over.
MRS MONKFORD: No, it isn't.
SHERLOCK: Wasn't it? Interesting.
MRS MONKFORD: Who was that?
JOHN: Why did you lie to her?
SHERLOCK: People don't like telling you things but they love
to contradict
you. Past tense, did you notice?
JOHN: Sorry, what?
SHERLOCK: I referred to her husband in the past tense. She
joined in. But
premature. They've only just found the
car.
JOHN: You think she murdered her husband?
SHERLOCK: That's not a mistake a murderer would
make.
JOHN: I see... No, I don't. What am I seeing?
SALLY: Fishing. Try fishing.
JOHN: Where now?
SHERLOCK: Janus Cars. Just found this in the glove
compartment.
MR EWART: Can't see how I can help you
gentlemen.
JOHN: Mr.Monkford hired the car from you
yesterday.
MR EWART: Yeah, lovely motor. Mazda RX8. Wouldn't mind one of
them myself.
SHERLOCK: Is that one?
MR EWART: No, they're all Jags. I can see you're not a car
man, eh?
SHERLOCK: But surely you can afford one - a Mazda, I
mean.
MR EWART: Yeah, fair point. It's like working in a sweet
shop. Once you
start eating the Liquorice AUsorts, where
does it stop?
JOHN: You didn't know Mr. Monkford.
MR EWART: No, he was just a client. He came in here and hired
one of my
cars. I've no idea what happened to him. Poor
sod!
SHERLOCK: Nice holiday, Mr.Ewart?
MR EWART: Eh?
SHERLOCK: You've been away, haven't you?
MR EWART: Oh, the...no, it's sun beds, I'm afraid. Too busy
to get away. My
wife would love it, though - bit of
sun.
SHERLOCK: Have you got any change for the cigarette
machine?
MR EWART: What?
SHERLOCK: I noticed one on the way and I haven't got any
change and I'm
gasping.
MR EWART: No, sorry.
SHERLOCK: Oh, well! Thank you very much for your time, Mr.
Ewart. You've
been very helpful. Come on, John!
JOHN: I've got change, if you still want to...
SHERLOCK: Nicotine patches, remember? I'm doing
well.
JOHN: So, what was all that about?
SHERLOCK: I needed to look inside his wallet.
JOHN: Why?
SHERLOCK: Mr.Ewart's a liar.
SHERLOCK: Hello.
MAN: The clue's in the name - Janus Cars.
SHERLOCK: Why would you be bring me a clue?
MAN: Why does anyone do anything? Because I'm bored. We were
made for each
other, Sherlock.
SHERLOCK: Then talk to me in your own voice.
MAN: Patience.
SHERLOCK: How much blood was on that seat, would you say?
LESTRADE: How much? About a pint.
SHERLOCK: Not about. Exactly a pint. That was their first
mistake. The
blood's definitely Ian Monkford's, but it's been
frozen.
LESTRADE: Frozen?
SHERLOCK: There are clear signs. I think Ian Monkford gave a
pint of his
blood some time ago and that's what the
spread on the seat.
LESTRADE: Who did?
SHERLOCK: Janus Cars. The clue's in the name.
JOHN: The god with two faces?
SHERLOCK: Excatly.
They provide a very special service. If you've got
any kind of a
problem - money troubles, bad marriage, whatever -
Janus Cars will
help you disappear.
Ian Monkford was in some kind of trouble -
financial at a guess,
he's a banker - couldn't see a way out. But if he
were to vanish,
if the car he hired was found with his blood on the
driver's
seat...
JOHN: So where is he?
SHERLOCK: Colombia.
JOHN: Colombia?!
SHERLOCK: Mr.Ewart, of Janus Cars, had a 20,000 Colombian
peso note in his
wallet. Quite a bit of change, too. He told us he
hadn't been
abroad recently, but when I asked him about the
cars, I could see
his tan line clearly. No-one wears a shirt on a sun
bed. That,
plus his arm.
LESTRADE: His arm?
SHERLOCK: He kept scratching it. Obviously irritating him,
and bleeding.
Why? Because he'd recently had a booster job.
Hep-B, probably.
Hard to tell at that distance. He's just back from
setting Ian
Monkford into his new life in Colombia.
Mrs.Monkford cashes in the
life insurance, and she splits it with Janus
Cars.
JOHN: Mrs.Monkford?
SHERLOCK: Oh, yes. She's in on it too.
Go and arrest them, Inspectors, that's what you do
best. We need
to let our bomber know the case is
solved.
I am on fire!
Sherlock type: Congratulations to Ian Monkford on his
relocation to
Colombia.
MAN: He says...you can come and fetch me. Help! Help me,
please!
SHERLOCK: Feeling better?
JOHN: Mmm. We've hardly stopped for breath since this thing
started. Has it
occured to
you...?
SHERLOCK: Probably.
JOHN: No, has it occured to you that the bomber's planing a
game with you?
The envelop, breaking
into the other flat, the dead kid's shoes - it's
all meant for
you.
SHERLOCK: Yes, I know.
JOHN: Is it him, then? Moriarty?
SHERLOCK: Perhaps.
SHERLOCK: That could be anybody.
JOHN: It could be, yeah. Lucky for you, I've been more than a
little
unemployed.
SHERLOCK: How'd you mean?
JOHN: Lucky for you, Mrs.Hudson and I watch far too much
telly.
CONNIE PRINCE: '...Thank you, Tyra! Doesn't she look lovely,
everybody, now?
'Anyway...speaking of silk purses...'
SHERLOCK: Hello?
WOMAN: This one...is a bit...defective. Sorry. She's blind.
This is... a
funny one.
I'll give you...12 hours.
SHERLOCK: Why are you doing this?
WOMAN: I like...to watch you...dance.
CONNIE PRINCE: '...And I see you're back to your bad
habits.'
NEWS: '...Continuing into the Sudden death of the popular TV
personality
Connie Prince. Miss
Prince, famous for her makeover programmes, was
found dead two days
ago by her brother in the house they shared...'
LESTRADE: Connie Prince, 54. She had one of those makeover
shows on the
telly. Did you see it?
SHERLOCK: No.
LESTRADE: Very popular. She was going places.
SHERLOCK: Not any more.
So dead two days. According to one of her staff,
Raoul de Santos,
she cut her hand on a msty nail in the garden.
Nasty wound.
Tetanus bacteria enters the bloodstream, good
night, Vienna.
JOHN: I
suppose.
SHERLOCK: Something's wrong with this
picture.
LESTARDE: Eh?
SHERLOCK: Can't be that simple, otherwise the
bomber wouldn't be directing
us towards it. Something's
wrong.
John?
JOHN: Mm.
SHERLOCK: Cut on her hand, it's deep. Would have
bled a lot, right?
JOHN: Yeah.
SHERLOCK: But the wound's clean. Very clean, and
fresh.
How long would the bacteria have been
incubacting inside her?
JOHN: Oh, eight, ten days.
The cut was
made later.
LESTRADE: After she was dead?
SHERLOCK: Must have been. The only question is, how
did the tetanus enter
the dead woman's system?
You want to help, right?
JOHN: Of course.
SHERLOCK: Connie Prince's bacjground - family
history, everything, get me
data.
JOHN: Right.
LESTRADE: There's something else that we haven't
thought of.
SHERLOCK: Is there?
LESTRADE: Yes. Why is he doing this - the bomber?
If this woman's death was
suspicious, why point it up?
SHERLOCK: Good Samaritan.
LESTRADE: Who press - gangs suicide
bombers?
SHERLOCK: Bad Samaritan.
LESTRADE: I'm...I'm serious, Sherlock. Listen, I'm
cutting you slack here.
I'm trusting you, but out there somewhere,
some poor bastard's
covered in Semtex and he's just waiting for
you to solve the
puzzle, so just tell me, what are we
dealing with?
SHERLOCK: Something new.
SHERLOCK: Connection, connection, connection. There
must be a connection.
Carl Powers, killed 20 years ago. The
bomber know him, admitted
that he knew him. The bomber's Iphone was
in the stationary from
the Czech Republic. The first hostage from
Cornwall, the second
from London, the third from Yorkshire,
judging by her accent.
What's he doing? Working his way round the
world, showing off?
WOMAN: You're enjoyjing this, aren't you? Joining
the...dots. Three hours.
Boom...boom.
KENNY PRINCE: We're devastated. Of course we
are.
RAOUL: Can I get you anything, sir?
JOHN: Er, no. No, thanks.
KENNY PRINCE: Raoul is my rock. I don't think I
could have managed. We
didn't
always see eye to eye...but my sister was very dear to
me.
JOHN: And to the, er, public,
Mr.Prince.
KENNY PRINCE: Oh, she was adored. I've seen her
take girls who looked like
the back
end of Routemasters and turn them into princesses.
Still, it's
a relief, in a way, to know that she's beyond this
vale of
tears.
JOHN: Absolutely.
SHERLOCK: Great. Thank you. Thanks
again.
MRS HUDSON: It's a real shame. I liked her. She
taught you how to do your
colours.
LESTRADE: Colours?
MRS HUDSON: You know, what goes best with what. I
shuld never wear cerise,
apparently. Drains
me.
LESTRADE: Who's that?
SHERLOCK: Home office.
LESTRADE: Home office?
SHERLOCK: Well, Home Secretary, actually. Owes me a
favour.
MRS HUDSON: A pretty girl, but she messed about
with herself too much. They
all do these days. People
can hardly move their faces. It's
silly, isn't
it?
Did you ever see her
show?
SHERLOCK: Not until now.
CONNIE PRINCE'S SHOW: 'You look pasy,
love.
'Ah, rained
every day but one...'
MRS HUDSON: That's the brother. No one lost there,
if you can believe the
papers.
SHERLOCK: So I gather. I've just had a fruitful
chat with people who love
this show. The fan site's indispensable for
gossip.
CONNIE PRINCE'S SHOW: '...Don't you think, girls?
Off, off,off,off,off,off,
off!'
JOHN: It's more common than people think. The tetanus is in
the soil, people
cut themselves on
rose bushes, garden forks, thst sort of thing, and
if left
un...treated...
KENNY PRINCE: I don't know what I'm going to do
now.
JOHN: Right.
KENNY PRINCE: I mean, she's left me this place...which is
lovely...but it's
not the same
without her.
JOHN: That's why... My paper wanted to get the, um...the full
story straight
from the horse's
mouth. Are you sure it's not too soon?
KENNY PRINCE: No.
JOHN: Right.
KENNY PRINCE: You fire away.
SHERLOCK: John.
JOHN: Hi, look, get over here quickly. I think I'm onto
something. You'll
need to pick up some
stuff first. Got a pen?
SHERLOCK: I remember.
JOHN: That'll be him.
KENNY PRINCE: What?
SHERLOCK: Ah, Mr.Prince, isn't it?
KENNY PRINCE: Yes.
SHERLOCK: Very good to meet you.
KENNY PRINCE: Yes, thank you.
SHERLOCK: So sorry to hear about...
KENNY PRINCE: Yes, yes, very kind.
JOHN: Shall we, er...?
JOHN: You are right, the bacteria got into her another
way.
SHERLOCK: Oh,yes?
JOHN: Yes.
KENNY PRINCE: Right, are we all set?
JOHN: Er, yes. Shall we, um...?
KENNY PRINCE: Not too close. I'm raw from
crying.
SHERLOCK: Oh, who's this?
KENNY PRINCE: Sekhmet. Named after the Egyption
goddess.
SHERLOCK: How nice. Was she Connie's?
KENNY PRINCE: Yes, a little present from yours
truly.
JOHN: Sherlock, light ready?
SHERLOCK: Oh, er...
2.8.
KENNY PRINCE: Bloody hell! What are you playing
at?
Sorry!
You're like Laurel
and bloody Hardy, you two! What's going on?
JOHN: I think we've got what we came for.
Excuse
us.
KENNY PRINCE: What?
JOHN: Sherlock!
SHERLOCK: What?
JOHN: We've got deadlines.
KENNY PRINCE: But you've not taken anything!
JOHN: Yes! Ooh, yes!
SHERLOCK: You think it was the cat. It wasn't the
cat.
JOHN: What? Yes. Yeah, it is. It must be. It's how he got the
tetenus into
her system. Its paws
stink of disinfectant.
SHERLOCK: Lovely idea.
JOHN: No, he coated it onto the claws of her cat. It's a new
pet, bound to
be a bit jumpy around
her. A scratch is almost inevitable.
SHERLOCK: I thought of it when I saw the scratches on her
arm, but it's too
random and clever for the brother.
JOHN: He murdered his sister for her money.
SHERLOCK: Did he?
JOHN: Didn't he?
SHERLOCK: Nope. It was revenge.
JOHN: Rev...? Who wanted revenge?
SHERLOCK: Raoul, the houseboy. Kenny Prince was the butt of
his sister's
jokes. Virtnal bullying campaign. Finally, he had
enough, fell out
with her badly. It's all on the website. She
threatened to
disinherit Kenny, Raoul had grown accustomed to a
certain life-
style...
JOHN: Wait. Wait! Wait a second. What about the disinectant
on the cat's
claws?
SHERLOCK: Raoul keeps a very clean house. You came through
the kitchen door,
saw the state of that floor scrubbed within an inch
of its life.
You smell of disinfectant. No, the cat dosen't come
into it.
Raoul's internet records do, though. I hope we can
get a cab from
here.
SHERLOCK: Raoul de Santos is your killer. Kenny Prince's
houseboy. Second
autopsy shows it wasn't tetanus that poisoned
Connie Prince, it
was botulinum toxin. We've been here before. Carl
Powers. Tut-tut.
Our bomber's repeated himself.
LESTRADE: So how'd he do it?
SHERLOCK: Botox injection.
LESTRADE: Botox?
SHERLOCK: Botox is a diluted form of botulinum. Among other
things, Raoul de
Santos was employed to give Connie her regular
facial injections.
My contact at the Home Office gave me the complete
records of
Raoul's internet purchases. He's been bulk-ordering
Botox for
months. Bided his time, then upped the strength to
a fatal dose.
LESTRADE: Are you sure about this?
SHERLOCK: I'm sure.
LESTRADE: All right, my office.
JOHN: Hey, Sherlock, how long?
SHERLOCK: What?
JOHN: How long have you known?
SHERLOCK: Well, this one was quite simple, actually like I
said. And the
bomber repeated himself. That was a
mistake.
JOHN: No, but Sherlock, the hostage, the old woman, she's
been there all
this
time!
SHERLOCK: I knew I could save her. I also knew that the
bomber had given us
12 hours. I solved the case quickly, that gave me
time to get on
with other things. Don't you see? We're one up on
him.
Sherlock type: Raoul de Santos, the house-boy,
botox.
SHERLOCK: Hello?
WOMAN: Help me!
SHERLOCK: Tell us where you are. Address?
WOMAN: He was so... His voice...
SHERLOCK: No, no, no, no! Tell me nothing about him,
nothing.
WOMAN: He sounded so soft.
SHERLOCK: Hello?
LESTRADE: Sherlock? What's happened?
NEWS: The explosion, which ripped through several floors,
killing 12 people
...-Old block of
flats.-...Caused by a faulty gas main. A spolcosman
from the utility
company...
JOHN: He certainly gets about.
SHERLOCK: Well, obviously I lost that round. Although
technically, I did
solve the case. He killed the old lady because she
stared to
describe him. Just once, he put hiself in the
firing line.
JOHN: What d'you mean?
SHERLOCK: Well, usually, he...must stay above it all. He
organses these
things, but no-one ever has direct
contact.
JOHN: What, like the Connie Prince murder, he arranged that?
So, people come
to him wanting their
crimes fixed up, like booking a holiday?
SHERLOCK: Novel.
Taking his time this time.
JOHN: Anything on the Carl Powers case?
SHERLOCK: Nothing.
All the living classmates check out spotless, no
connection.
JOHN: Maybe the killer was older than Carl?
SHERLOCK: The thought had occured.
JOHN: So why is he doing this, then? Playing this game with
you. Do you
think he wants to be
caught?
SHERLOCK: I think he wants to be distracted.
JOHN: Oh... I hope you'll be very happy
together.
SHERLOCK: Sorry, what?
JOHN: There are lives at stake, Sherlock. Actual human lives!
Just so I
know, do you care
about that at all?
SHERLOCK: Will caring about them help save them?
JOHN: Nope.
SHERLOCK: Then I'll continue not to make that
mistake.
JOHN: And you find that easy, do you?
SHERLOCK: Yes, very.
Is that news to
you?
JOHN: No, no.
SHERLOCK: I've disappointed you.
JOHN: That's good, that's a good deduction,
yeah.
SHERLOCK: Don't make people into heroes, John. Heroes don't
exist, and if
they did, I wouldn't be one of them.
Excellent.
A view of the Thames. South Bank, somewhere between
Southwark
Bridge and Waterloo.
You check the papers, I'll look
online.
Oh, you're angry with me, so you won't help. Not
much cop, this
caring lark.
JOHN: Archway suicide...
SHERLOCK: Ten-a-penny.
JOHN: Two kids stabbed in Stoke Newington.
Ah, man found on the
train line, Andrew West.
SHERLOCK: Nothing!
It's me. Have you found anything on the South Bank
between
Waterloo Bridge and Southwark Bridge?
LESTRADE: Do you reckon this is connected, then, the
bomber?
SHERLOCK: Must be. Odd, he hasn't been in touch.
LESTRADE: Then we must assume that some poor bugger's primed
to explode,
yeah?
SHERLOCK: Yes.
LESTRADE: Any ideas?
SHERLOCK: Seven, so far.
LESTRADE: Seven?
JOHN: He's dead about 24 hours. Maybe a bit
longer.
LESTRADE: Did he drown?
Apparently not.
JOHN: Not enough of the Thames in his lungs.
LESTRADE: Asphyxiated.
JOHN: Yes, I'd agree.
There's quite a bit
of bruising around the mose and mouth. More
bruises...here and
here.
SHERLOCK: Fingertips.
JOHN: He's late 30s, I'd say, not in the best
condition.
SHERLOCK: He's been in the river a long while, the water's
destroyed most of
the data. But I'll tell you ont thing, that lost
Vermeer
painting's a fake.
LESTRADE: What?
SHERLOCK: We need to identify the corpse, find out about his
friends and...
LESTRADE: Wait, wait, wait, wait. What painting? What are you
on about?
SHERLOCK: It's all over the place, haven't you seen the
posters? Duth old
master, supposed to have been destroyed centuries
ago. Now it's
turned up, worth 30 million.
LESTRADE: OK, so what has that got to do with the
stiff?
SHERLOCK: Everything.
Have you ever heard of the Golem?
LESTRADE: Golem?
JOHN: It's a horror story, isn't it? What are you
saying?
SHERLOCK: Jewish folk story, a gigantic man made of clay it's
also the name
of an assassin. Real name - Oskar Dzumdza. One of
the deadliest
assassins in the world. That is his trademark
style.
LESTRADE: So this is a hit?
SHERLOCK: Definitely.
The Golem squeezes the life out of his victims with
his bare
hands.
LESTRADE: But what has this got to do with that painting? I
don'g see...
SHERLOCK: You do see, you just don't observe!
JOHN: Yes, all right, all right, girls! Calm
down.
Sherlck, do you want
to take us though it?
SHERLOCK: What do we know about this corpse?
The killer's not left us with much, just the shirt
and the
trousers. They're pretty formal, maybe he was going
out for the
night. The trousers are heavy duty. Polyester,
nasty, same as the
shirt, cheap. They're both too big for him. So some
kind of
standard-issue uniform. Dressed for work, then.
What kind of work?
There's a hook on his belt...for a
walkie-talkie.
LESTRADE: Tube driver?
JOHN: Security guard?
SHERLOCK: More likely. That'll be borne out by his
backside.
LESTRADE: Backside?!
SHERLOCK: Flabby, you'd think he'd led a sedentary life. Yet
the soles of
his feet and the nascent varicose veins in his legs
show other-
wise. So, a lot of walking and a lot of sitting
around. Security
guard's looking good. The watch helps too. The
alarm shows he did
regular night shifts.
LESTRDE: Why regular? Maybe he just set his alarm like that
the night before
he died.
SHERLOCK: No, no, no. The buttons are stiff, hardly touched.
He set his
alarm like that a long time ago. His routine never
varied. But
there's something else. The killer must have been
interrupted,
otherwise he would have stripped the corpse
completely. There was
some kind of badge or insignia on recognisable,
sone kind of
institution. I found this inside his trouser
pockets. Sodden by
the river, but still recognisably...
JOHN: Tickets?
SHERLOCK: Ticket stubs. He worked in a museum or gallery. Did
a quick check.
The Hickman Gallery has reported, one of its
attendants as
missing - Alex Woodbridge. Tonight, they unveil the
rediscovered
masterpiece. Now, why would anyone want to pay the
Golem to
suffocate a perfectly ordinary gallery attendant?
Inference, the
dead man knew something about it, something that
would stop the
owner getting paid 30 million. The pictures are
fake.
JOHN: Fantastic.
SHERLOCK: Meretricious.
LESTRADE: And a Happy New Year.
JOHN: Poor sod.
LESTRADE: I'd better get my feelers out for this Golem
character.
SHERLOCK: Pointless, you'll never find him, but I know a man
who can.
LESTRADE: Who?
SHERLOCK: Me.
SHERLOCK: Why hasn't he phoned? He's broken his pattern.
Why?
Waterloo Bridge
JOHN: Where now, the gallery?
SHERLOCK: In a bit.
JOHN: The Hckman's contemporary art, isn't it? Why have they
got hold of an
old
master?
SHERLOCK: Don't know. Dangerous to jump to conclusious. Need
data...
SHERLOCK: Stop! Can you wait here? I won't be a
moment.
JOHN: Sherlock?
GIRL: Change? Any change?
SHERLOCK: What for?
GIRL: Cup of tea, of course.
SHERLOCK: Here you go, 50.
GIRL: Thanks.
JOHN: What are you doing?
SHERLOCK: Investing.
SHERLOCK: Now we go to the gallery. Have you got any
cash?
SHERLOCK: No. I need you to find out all you can about the
gallery
attendant. Lestrade will give you the
address.
JOHN: OK.
THE LOST VERMEER
HICKMAN
GIRL: We've been sharing about a year. Just
sharing.
JOHN: May I?
GIRL: Yeah.
JOHN: Sorry. Stargaze, was he?
GIRL: God, yeah. Mad about it. It's all he ever did spare
time. He was a
nice guy, Alex. I
liked him. He was, er...never much of a one for
hoovering.
JOHN: What about art? Did he know anything about
that?
GIRL: It was just job, you know?
JOHN: Has anyone else been round asking about
Alex?
GIRL: No. We had a bread-in, though.
JOHN: When?
GIRL: Last night. There was nothing taken. Oh, there was a
message left for
Alex on the land
line.
JOHN: Who was it from?
GIRL: I can play it for you, if you like. I'll get the
phone.
JOHN: Please.
PHONE: 'Oh, should I speak now? Alex? Love, it's Professor
Cairns. Listen,
you were
right. You were bloody right. Give us a call when...'
JOHN: Professor Cairns?
GIRL: No idea, sorry.
JOHN: Can I try and ring back?
GIRL: No good. I've had other calls since. Sympathy ones, you
know.
TEXT: RE:BRUCE-PARTINGTON PLANS
Have you spoken to
West's fiancee yet?
Mycroft
Holmes
MISS WENCESLAS: Don't you have something to do?
SHERLOCK: Just admiring the view.
MISS WENCESLAS: Yes. Lovely. Now get back to work. We open
tonight.
SHERLOCK: Doesn't it bother you?
MISS WENCESLAS: What?
SHERLOCK: That the painting's a fake.
MISS WENCESLES: What?
SHERLOCK: It's a fake. It has to be. It's the only possible
explanation.
You are in charge, aren't you, Miss
Wenceslas?
MISS WENCESLAS: Who are you?
SHERLOCK: Alex Woodbridge knew that the painting was a fake,
so somebody
sent the Golem to take care of him. Was it
you?
MISS WENCESLAS: Golem? What the hell are you talking
about?
SHERLOCK: Are you working for someone else? Did you fake it
for them?
MISS WENCESLAS: It's not a fake.
SHERLOCK: It is a fake. I don't know why. But there's
something wrong with
it, there has to be.
MISS WENCESLAS: What the hell are you on about? You know I
could have you
sacked on the spot.
SHERLOCK: Not a problem.
MISS WENCESLAS: No?
SHERLOCK: No, I don't work here, you see. Just popped in to
give you a bit
of friendly advice.
MISS WENCESLAS: How did you get in?
SHERLOCK: Please!
MISS WENCESLAS: I want to know.
SHERLOCK: The art of disguise is knowing how to hide in plain
sight.
MISS WENCESLAS: Who are you?
SHERLOCK: Sherlock Holmes.
MISS WENCESLAS: Am I supposed to be impressed?
SHERLOCK: You should be. Have a nice day.
LUCY: He wouldn't. He just wouldn't.
JOHN: Strange things have happened.
LUCY: Westie wasn't a traitor. That's a horrible thing to
say!
JOHN: I'm sorry. But you must
understand...that's...
LUCY: That's what they think, isn't it, his
bosses?
JOHN: He was a young man, about to get married, he had
debts.
LUCY: Everyone's got debts, and Westie wouldn't want to clear
them by
selling out his
country.
JOHN: Can you, er...? Can you tell me exactly what happened
that night?
LUCY: We were having night in. Just...watching a DVD.
He normally falls
asleep, you know, but
he sat through this one. He was quiet. Out of
the blue he said he
just had to go and see someone.
JOHN: And you've no idea who?
JOE: Hi, Liz. You OK, love?
LUCY: Yeah.
JOE: Who's this?
JOHN: John Watson, hi.
LUCY: This is my brother, Joe.
John's trying to find
out what happened to Westie, Joe.
JOE: You with the police?
JOHN: Sort of, yeah.
JOE: Tell them to get off their arses, will you? It's bloody
ridiculous.
JOHN: I'll do my best.
Thanks very much for
your help. Again, I'm very, very sorry.
LUCY: He didn't steal those things, Mr.Watson. I know Westie,
he was a good
man. He was my good
man.
GIRL: Spare change?
PASSERBY: No.
GIRL: Any spare change?
JOHN: Alex Woodbridge didn't know anything special about
art.
SHERLOCK: And?
JOHN: And...
SHERLOCK: Is that it? No habits, hobbies,
personality?
JOHN: Give us a chance. He was an amateur
astronomer.
SHERLOCK: Hold that cab.
GIRL: Spare change, sir?
SHERLOCK: Don't mind if I do.
JOHN: Can you wait here?
Paper from girl: VAUXHALL ARCHES
SHERLOCK: Fortunately, I haven't been idle. Come
on.
SHERLOCK: Beautiful, isn't it?
JOHN: I thought you didn't care about...
SHERLOCK: Doesn't mean I can't appreciate it.
JOHN: Listen, Alex Woodbridge had a message on the
answerphone at hisflat. A
Professor
Cairns.
SHERLOCK: This way.
JOHN: Nice. Nice part of town.
Any time you want to
explain?
SHERLOCK: Homeless network. Really is
indispensable.
JOHN: Homeless network?
SHERLOCK: My eyes and ears, all over the city.
JOHN: Ah, that's...clever. So you scratch their backs,
and...?
SHERLOCK: Yes, then disinfect myself.
JOHN: Sherlock! Come on!
What's he doing
sleeping rough?
SHERLOCK: Well, he has a very distinctive look. He has to
hide somewhere
where tongues won't wag...much.
JOHN: Oh, shit!
SHERLOCK: What?
JOHN: I wish I...
SHERLOCK: Don't mention it.
SHERLOCK: No! No! No! No!
It'll take us weeks to find him again.
JOHN: Or not. I have an idea where he might be
going.
SHERLOCK: What?
JOHN: I told you, someone left Alex Woodbridge a message.
There can't be
that many Professor
Cairns in the book. Come on.
VIDEO: 'Jupiter, the fifth planet in our solar system, and
the largest.
Jupiter is a
gas giant. Planet Earth would fit into it 11 times.'
PRO.CAIRNS: Yes, we know that.
VIDEO: 'Titan is the largest moon...'
PRO.CAIRNS: Come on, Neptune.
VIDEO: 'Many are actually long dead...'
PRO CAIRNS: Tom, is that you?
VIDEO: '...exploded into supernovas.' Discovered by Urbain Le
Veriet in 1846
...''...composed mainly of hydrogen.' Their light takes so long
to
reach
us...'
SHERLOCK: Golem!
VIDEO: '...many are actually long dead, exploded
into...'
SHERLOCK: I can't see him.
JOHN: I'll go round.
SHERLOCK: Who are you working for this time,
Dzundza?
VIDEO: 'Astar begin as a collapsing ball of material composed
mainly of...'
SHERLOCK: Golem!
JOHN: Let him go... or I will kill you.
VIDEO: 'The fourth planet of the solar system, named after
the Roman god of
war.'...it is
a gas giant...'...takes so long to reach us...into
supernovas...'exploded into supernovas...'
SHERLOCK: It's a fake. It has to be.
MISS WENCESLAS: The painting has been subjected to every test
known to
science.
SHERLOCK: It's a very good fake, then. You know about this,
don't you? This
is you, isn't it?
MISS WENCESLAS: Inspector, my time is being wasted. Would you
mind showing
yourself and your friends out?
SHERLOCK: The painting is a fake. It's a fake, that's why
Woodbridge and
Cairns were killed. Oh, come on, proving is just a
detail. The
painting is a fake. I've solved it, I've figured it
out. It's a
fake, that's the answer, that's why they were
killed.
OK, I'll prove it. Give me time. Will you give me
time?
PHONE
KID: 'Ten...'
LESTRADE: It's a kid. Oh, god! It's a kid!
JOHN: What did he say?
SHERLOCK: Ten.
KID: 'Nine...'
SHERLOCK: It's a countdown. He's giving me time.
LESTRADE: Jesus...
SHERLOCK: It's a fake, but how can I prove it? How?!
How?!
KID: 'Eight...'
SHERLOCK: This kid will die. Tell me why the painting is a
fake. Tell me!
KID: 'Seven...'
SHERLOCK: No, shut up. Don't say anything. It only works if I
figure it out.
It must be possible. It must be staring me in the
face.
KID: 'Six...'
SHERLOCK: How? Woodbridge knew, but how?!
KID: 'Five...'
JOHN: It's speeding up! Sherlock!
KID: 'Four...'
SHERLCK: Oh! In the Planetatium, you heard it too. Oh, that
is brilliant,
that is gorgeous!
KID: 'Three...'
LESTRADE: What's brilliant? What is?!
SHERLOCK: This is beautiful. Love this!
KID: 'Two...'
LESTARDE: Sherlock!
SHERLOCK: The Van Buren Supernova.
KID: 'Please, is somebody there? Somebody help
me.'
SHERLOCK: There you go. Go and find out where he is and pick
hime up.
Van Buren Supernova, so-called. Exploding star.
Only appeared is
the sky in 1858.
JOHN: So how could it have been...painted in the
1640s?
TEXT: My patience is wearing thin.
Mycroft
Holmes
JOHN: Oh, Sherl...
SHERLOCK: You know, it's interesting. Bohemian Stationery, an
assassin named
after a Prague legend, and you, Miss Wenceslas.
This whole case
has a distinctly Czeeh feeling about it. Is that
where this leads?
What are we looking at, Inspector?
LESTRADE: Well, criminal conspiracy, fraud, accessory after
the fact, at
the very least. The murder of the old woman, all
the people in the
flat...
MISS WENCESLAS: I didn't know anrthing about that. All those
things, please,
believe me. I just wanted my share. The 30 million.
I
found a little old man in Argentina. A genius - I
mean,
really. Brushwork, immaculate. Could fool anyone.
SHERLOCK: Mmm.
MISS WENCESLAS: Well, nearly anyone.
But
I didn't know how to go about convincing the world the
picture was genuine. It was just an idea. A spark which
he
blew into a flame.
SHERLOCK: Who?
MISS WENCESLAS: I don't know.
It's true! It took a long time, but eventually I was...
put
in
touch with people. His people... Well, there was never
any
real contact. Just messages... whispers.
SHERLOCK: And did those whispers have a name?
MISS WENCESLAS: Moriarty.
JOHN: So this is where West was found?
WORKER: Yeah.
Are
you going to be long?
JOHN: I might be.
WORKER: Are you the police, then?
JOHN: Sort of.
WORKER: I hate'em.
JOHN: The police?
WORKER: No, jumpers. People who chuck'emselves in front of
trains. Selfish
bastards.
JOHN: Well, that's one way of looking at it.
WORKER: I mean it. It's all right for them. It's over in a
split second,
strawberry jam all over the lines. What about the drivers,
eh?
They've got to live with it, haven't they?
JOHN: Yeah, speaking of strawberry jam, there's no blood on
the line. Has it
been cleaned
off?
WORKER: No, there wasn't that much.
JOHN: You said his head was smashed in.
WORKER: It was, but there wasn't much blood.
JOHN: OK.
WORKER: Well, I'll leave you to it, then. Just give us a
shout when you're
off.
JOHN: Right.
JOHN: Right, so, Andrew West...got on the train somewhere. Or
did he? There
was no ticket on the
body. How did he end up here?
SHERLOCK: The points.
JOHN: Yes!
SHERLOCK: I knew you'd get there eventually. West wasn't
killed here, that's
why there was so little blood.
JOHN: How long have you been following me?
SHERLOCK: Since the start.
You don't think I'd give up on a case like this
just to spite my
brother, do you? Come on, we've got a bit of
burglary to do.
SHERLOCK: Missile defence plans haven't left the country,
otherwise
Mycroft's people would have heard
about it. Despite what people
think, we do still have a secret
service.
JOHN: Yeah, I know, I've met them.
SHERLOCK: Which means whoever stole the memory stick can't
sell it or
doesn't know what to do with it. My money's on the
latter.
We're here.
JOHN: Where?
Sherlock! What if
there's someone in?
SHERLOCK: There isn't.
JOHN: Jesus...
Where are
we?
SHERLOCK: Oh, sorry, didn't I say? Joe Harrison's
flat.
JOHN: Joe...?
SHERLCK: Brother of West's fiancee. He stole the memory
stick, killed his
prospective brother-in-law.
JOHN: Then why did he do it?
SHERLOCK: Let's ask him.
JOHN: Don't! Don't.
JOE: Wasn't meant to... What's Lucy gonna say?
Jesus.
JOHN: Why did you kill him?
JOE: It was an accident. I swear it was.
SHERLOCK: But stealing the plans for the missile defence
program wasn't an
accident, was it?
JOE: I started dealing drugs. I mean, the bike thing's a
great cover, right?
I don't know how it started.
I just got out of my depth. I owed people
thousands. Serious people.
Then at Westie's engagement do, he starts
talking about his job.
I mean, he's so careful. But that night, after a
few pints, he really opened
up. He told me about these missile plans.
Beyond top secret. He showed
me the memory stick, he waved it in front
of me. You hear about those
things getting lost, ending up on rubbish
tips and whatnot. But there
it was. And I thought... Well, I thought it
could be worth a fortune. It
was pretty easy to get the thing off him,
he was so plastered. Next
time I saw him, I could tell by the look on
his face that he
knew.
'JOE: What are you doing here?
WEST: What have you done with the
plans?'
JOHN: What happened?
JOE: I was going to call an ambulance, but it was too late. I
just didn't
have a clue what to do. So I
dragged him in'ere. I just sat in the
dark, thinking.
SHERLOCK: When a neat little idea popped into your
head.
Carrying Andrew West way away from here. His body
would have gone
on for ages if the train hadn't hit a stretch of
track that
curved.
JOHN: And points.
SHERLOCK: Exactly.
JOHN: Do you still have it, then - the memory
stick?
SHERLOCK: Fetch it for me, if you wouldn't mind.
Distraction over - the game continues.
JOHN: Maybe that's over, too. We've heard nothing from the
bomber.
SHERLOCK: Five pips, remember, John. It's countdown. We've
only had four.
SHERLOCK: No, no, no! Course he's not the boy's father. Look
at the turn-ups
on his jeans!
JOHN: I knew it was dangerous. Getting you into crap
telly.
SHERLOCK: Not a patch on Counie Price.
JOHN: Have you goiven Mycroft the memory stick
yet?
SHERLCK: Yep. He was over the moon. Threatened me with a
knighthood...again.
JOHN: You know, I'm still waiting.
SHERLOCK: Hm?
JOHN: For you to admit that a little knowledge of the solar
system and you'd
have cleared up the
fake painting a lot quicker.
SHERLOCK: It didn't do you any good, did it?
JONH: No, but I'm not the world's only consulting
detective.
SHERLOCK: True.
JOHN: I won't be in for tea. I'm going to Sarah's. There's
still some of
that risotto left in
the fridge. Milk, we need milk.
SHERLOCK: I'll get some.
JOHN: Really?
SHERLCOK: Really.
JONH: And some beans, then?
SHERLCOK: Mm.
Sherlock type: Found. The Bruce - Partington plans. Please
collect. The
Pool.
Midnight.
SHERLOCK: Bought you a little getting-to-konw-you present.
That's what it's
all been for, isn't it? All your little puzzles,
making me dance.
All to distract me from this.
JOHN: Evening. This is a turn-up, isn't it,
Sherlock?
SHERLOCK: John! What the hell...?
JOHN: Bet you never saw this coming. What...would you like me
to make him
say...next? Gottle
o'gear, gottle o'gear, gottle o'gear.
SHERLOCK: Stop it.
JOHN: Nice touch, this. The pool, where little Crl died. I
stopped him. I
can stop John Waston,
too. Stop his heart.
SHERLOCK: Who are you?
MORIARTY: I gave you my number. I thought you might call. Is
that a British
Army Browning L9A1 in your pocket, or are
you just pleased to see
me?
SHERLOCK: Both.
MORIARTY: Jim Moriarty. Hi.
Jim? Jim from the hospital? Oh, did I really make
such a fleeting
impression? But then, I suppose, that was rather
the point.
Don't be silly. Someone else is holding the rifle.
I didn't like
getting my hands dirty.
I've given you a glimpse, Sherlock, just a teensy
glimpse of what
I've got going on out there in the big bad world.
I'm a
specialist, you see. Like you.
SHERLOCK: Dear Jim...please will you fix it for me to get rid
of my lover's
nasty sister? Dear Jim, please will you fix it for
me to disappear
to South America?
MORIARTY: Just so.
SHERLOCK: Consulting criminal.
Brilliant.
MORIARTY: Isn't it? No-one ever gets to me. Now you're in my
way.
SHERLOCK: Thank you.
MORIARTY: Didn't mean it as a compliment.
SHERLOCK: Yes, you did.
MORIARTY: Yeah, OK, I did. But the flirting's over, Sherlock.
Daddy's had
enough now. I've shown you what I can do. I
cut loose all those
people, all those little problems, even 30 million
quid, just to
get you to come out and play. So take this as a
friendly warning
... my dear. Back off. Although I have loved this,
this little
game of ours. Playing Jim from IT. Playing gay. Did
you like the
little touch with the underwear?
SHERLOCK: People have died.
MORIARTY: That's what people do!
SHERLOCK: I will stop you.
MORIARTY: No, you won't.
SHERLOCK: Are you all right?
MORIARTY: You can talk, Johnny boy. Go ahead.
SHERLOCK: Take it.
MORIARTY: Mm? Oh...that? The missile plans. Boring! I
could've got them
anyway.
JOHN: Sherlock, run!
MORIARTY: Good! Very good.
JOHN: If your sniper pulls that trigger, Mr.Moriarty, then we
both go up.
MORIARTY: Isn't he sweety? I can see why you like having him
around. But
then, people do get so sentimental about their
pets. They're so
touchingly loyal. But oops! You've rather shown
your hand there.
Dr.Waston.
Gotcha.
Westwood.
Do you know what happens if you don't leave me
alone, Sherlock? To
you?
SHERLOCK: Oh, let me guess. I get killed.
MORIARTY: Kill you? No, don't be obvious. I mean, I'm going
to kill you
anyway, some day. I don't want to rush it, though.
I am saring it
up for something special. No, no, no, no, no. If
you don't stop
prying, I'll burn you. I'll burn the heart out of
you.
SHERLOCK: I have been reliably informed that I don't have
one.
MORIARTY: But we both know that's not quite
true.
Well, I'd better be off. Well, so nice to have had
a proper chat.
SHERLOCK: What if I was to shoot you now? Right
now?
MORIARTY: Then you could cherish the look of surprise on my
face. Cos I'd
be surpried, Sherlock. Really, I would. And just a
teensy bit...
disappointed. And of course, you wouldn't be able
to cherish it
for very long. Ciao, Sherlock Holmes.
SHERLOCK: Catch you...later.
MORIARTY: No, you won't.
SHERLOCK: All right? Are you all right?
JOHN: Yeah, I'm fine. Sherlock...Sherlock!
Oh,
Christ.
Are you
OK?
SHERLOCK: Me? Yeah, fine. Fine.
That, er...thing that you...that you did, that,
um...you offered
to do...that was, um...good.
JOHN: I'm glad no-one saw that.
SHERLOCK: Mm?
JOHN: You ripping my clothes off in a darkened swimming pool.
People might
talk.
SHERLCK: They do little else.
JOHN: Oh...
MORIARTY: Sorry, boys. I'm so changeable! It is a weakness
with me, but to
be fair to myself, it is my only weakness. You
can't be allowed to
continue. You just can't. I would try to convince
you, but every-
thing I have to say has alreasy crossed your
mind.
SHERLOCK: Probably my answer has crossed yours.
----------------------THE
END----------------------------------------------
