宝宝害怕陌生人，总要粘着父母， 怎么办
2011-10-08 23:04阅读：
在宝宝8-12个月时，你会发现宝宝突然变了，从一个外向的宝宝，突然变成一个焦虑、害怕陌生人和陌生环境的宝宝。可能有热心人会分析这是因为您平时太宠宝宝造成的，但是这种解释不对。不是因为你的原因，是因为宝宝第一次拥有了能够区分熟悉和陌生的能力。
宝宝对陌生人感到害怕和焦虑是孩子情感发展过程中的重要里程碑。宝宝三个月时对陌生人并无多大排斥，但是到了这个月份，宝宝突然变了，你可能会担心宝宝出了什么问题。这很正常，即使是经常和宝宝在一起的保姆或者亲属，如果过于莽撞地接近宝宝，宝宝同样会躲避或者哭闹。
在这个年龄阶段，宝宝会变得特别粘人，不愿意离开您，这就是我们所谓的分离焦虑。宝宝开始可以理解任何物体都是独特和永恒的，开始认识到你是唯一的。所以当你离开他的视线，他会认为你在别处，他会就觉得不舒服。此时，宝宝还没有时间概念，不知道你还会回来。等孩子再大一些，他知道你还会回来，就会等待和期盼，但是现在他的概念中只有现在没有未来，所以即使你离开很短的时间，有时即使是到隔壁房间，宝宝都会嚎啕大哭。如果你把宝宝托付给别人，他可能会尖叫和大哭，好像心碎了一样。睡觉时宝宝一定要你陪着，甚至半夜会惊醒寻找妈妈。
这些行为在宝宝10-12个月大时最为明显，然后慢慢减轻，在18-24个月是逐渐消失。宝宝对你的依恋对大人和孩子的情绪发展都一个考验，如何减轻孩子的分离焦虑，下面是我们的一些建议
1）宝宝在饥饿、疲劳和生病时，分离焦虑最为明显，因此尽量在孩子睡着或者吃饱后再离开。如果孩子生病，尽量多陪伴宝宝。
2）离开宝宝时不要手忙脚乱。可以让帮你照看孩子的人分散一下宝宝注意力，比如用一个玩具，然后你对宝宝说“再见”之后就迅速离开。
3）在你离开后的几分钟之内她就会停止哭泣，她的哭声只是想留住你。但是当你消失在她视线后几分钟，她的注意力就会集中到陪护她的人身上。
4）在家里做一些分离练习。由宝宝主导的分离练习效果更好。比如当宝宝爬到隔壁房间时，不要马上跟随她，让她独自1-2分钟。如果你到隔壁房间，可以告诉宝宝你要离开几秒钟，而且马上会回来。如果她仍然哭闹，你不要马上回来，而应该在隔壁房间呼唤她。慢慢地宝宝就知道其实你离开也没有什么大不了的，而且即使你离开了，你也会回来的。（译者按：这种安全感的建立非常重要，对孩子今后的其他行为都有影响，比如上幼儿园就不会哭闹很久）
5）如果你把宝宝带到托儿所或亲戚家，先陪宝宝玩上几分钟再离去，这样有利于他熟悉环境。当你真正要走的时候，也要告诉宝宝你还会回来。
如果你的宝宝对你的依恋很强，他的分离焦虑可能来得更早一些，但是也会更容易度过。解决好分离焦虑问题是今后宝宝情感发展的基础。处理的好，宝宝的个性也会外向、乐观，否则容易出现害羞、胆小、缺少安全感等问题。
Between the ages
of eight and twelve months, your child sometimes may seem like two
separate babies. First there’s the one who’s open, affectionate,
and outgoing with you. But then there’s another who’s anxious,
clinging, and easily frightened around unfamiliar people or
objects. Some people may tell you that your child is fearful or shy
because you’re “spoiling” her, but don’t believe it. Her widely
diverse behavior patterns aren’t caused by you or your parenting
style; they occur because she’s now, for the first time, able to
tell the difference between familiar and unfamiliar situations. If
anything, the predictable anxieties of this period are evidence of
her healthy relationship with you.
An emotional
milestone
Anxiety around
strangers is usually one of the first emotional milestones your
baby will reach. You may think something is wrong when this child
of yours who, at the age of three months, interacted calmly with
people she didn’t know is now beginning to tense up when strangers
come too close. This is normal for this age, and you need not
worry. Even relatives and frequent babysitters with whom your baby
was once comfortable may prompt her to hide or cry now, especially
if they approach her hastily.
At about the
same time, she’ll become much more “clutchy” about leaving you.
This is the start of separation anxiety. Just as she’s starting to
realize that each object is unique and permanent, she’ll also
discover that there’s only one of you. When you’re out of her
sight, she’ll know you’re somewhere, but not with her, and this
will cause her great distress. She’ll have so little sense of time
that she won’t know when—or even whether—you’ll be coming back.
Once she gets a little older, her memory of past experiences with
you will comfort her when you’re gone, and she’ll be able to
anticipate a reunion. But for now she’s only aware of the present,
so every time you leave her sight—even to go to the next room—
she’ll fuss and cry. When you leave her with someone else, she may
scream as though her heart will break. At bedtime, she’ll refuse to
leave you to go to sleep, and then she may wake up searching for
you in the middle of the night.
How long it
will last
Separation
anxiety usually peaks between ten and eighteen months and then
fades during the last half of the second year. In some ways, this
phase of your child’s emotional development will be especially
tender for both of you, while in others, it will be painful. After
all, her desire to be with you is a sign of her attachment to her
first and greatest love—namely you. The intensity of her feeling as
she hurtles into your arms is irresistible, especially when you
realize that no one—including your child herself— will ever again
think you are quite as perfect as she does at this age. On the
other hand, you may feel suffocated by her constant clinging, while
experiencing guilt whenever you leave her crying for you.
Fortunately, this emotional roller coaster eventually will subside
along with her separation anxiety. But in the meantime, try to
downplay your leave-taking as much as possible. Here are some
suggestions that may help.
- Your baby is
more susceptible to separation anxiety when she’s tired, hungry, or
sick. If you know you’re going to go out, schedule your departure
so that it occurs after she’s napped and eaten. And try to stay
with her as much as possible when she’s sick.
- Don’t make a
fuss over your leaving. Instead, have the person staying with her
create a distraction (a new toy, a visit to the mirror, a bath).
Then say good-bye and slip away quickly.
- Remember
that her tears will subside within minutes of your departure. Her
outbursts are for your benefit, to persuade you to stay. With you
out of sight, she’ll soon turn her attention to the person staying
with her.
- Help her
learn to cope with separation through short practice sessions at
home. Separation will be easier on her when she initiates it, so
when she crawls to another room (one that’s baby-proofed), don’t
follow her right away; wait for one or two minutes. When you have
to go to another room for a few seconds, tell her where you’re
going and that you’ll return. If she fusses, call to her instead of
running back. Gradually she’ll learn that nothing terrible happens
when you’re gone and, just as important, that you always come back
when you say you will.
- If you take
your child to a sitter’s home or a child care center, don’t just
drop her off and leave. Spend a few extra minutes playing with her
in this new environment. When you do leave, reassure her that
you’ll be back later.
If your child
has a strong, healthy attachment to you, her separation anxiety
probably will occur earlier than in other babies, and she’ll pass
through it more quickly. Instead of resenting her possessiveness
during these months, maintain as much warmth and good humor as you
can. Through your actions, you’re showing her how to express and
return love. This is the emotional base she’ll rely on in years to
come.
